(Closed) When to pick a fight and when not to… FSIL vent

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

cls9q:  I would see what Fiance thinks. It’s his family and maybe he can straighten her out. I agree if tey’re not a part of the party then they shouldn’t get gifts. But, also like PP said I hate confrontation and would probably just get them something small… although, my Fiance has no problem telling people where to go, especially when they’re not being reasonable. So this is a matter I would have him resolve.

Lol… so basically to circle back, sounds like an issue for your Fiance.

Post # 32
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

You are right and I’d be upset too. I’d get them something still to not start with the wrong foot with the in-laws. I’d get an i-tunes or game stop gift card or something like that. I do not love the idea of cash in an envelope because it will probably still cause an undesired reaction. They would know/think that you did it last minute and just because she asked.

It isn’t the kids’fualt really that their mom is making them look bad. Just get them something a kid their age would like. You can just stop by walmart and pick from the different gift cards they have Good luck with everything, stay hydrated and breath!!

Post # 33
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

weddingmaven:  I’m one of 16 cousins, so having all of us in a wedding never would have been an option, and excluding everyone so as not to hurt feelings would have been silly.  I always wanted to be a flower girl but was never the right age.  I was sometimes bummed when my younger cousins got the role in family weddings, but I got over it.  Kids of all ages can learn that not everything is equal all the time.

Post # 34
Member
2255 posts
Buzzing bee

The fact that she is flat-out told you to get them a gift and backed up it up with a healthy dose of emotional blackmail would make me give them the ugliest, most crappy gift I could find. But I’m kind of a vindictive passsive-aggressive beotch that way.  

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  MrsYokiman.
Post # 35
Member
3870 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I definitely think you’re in the right, but this is one of those things where you have to suck it up and just give in, no matter how much it sucks. I would get them a card with a gift card maybe? Something that doesn’t take much thought or effort. 

Post # 36
Member
12205 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

goblueca:  I totally agree that not everything can be equal all the time and I’ve taught my own kids that lesson many times over.  But there are still times I still think that that it’s smarter to be consistent. In this case a  wedding is a one time event, so there’s really  no next time or next year.

 As I said, I think a flowergirl can be an exception, but personally, I would not ask some nieces or nephews to be in the wedding as BMs or junior BMs and  groomsmen and not others. 

Post # 37
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

cls9q:  who the fuck makes demands of a bride the week before her wedding? So annoying.

Make your Fiance deal with it and get them dollar store gifts.

Post # 38
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

cls9q:  

I love your money in envelope idea. Kids always love getting money. 

I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this when your wedding is coming up. 

Post # 40
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

cls9q:  Yeah. I’m with you. Her insisting that they be in the wedding was super rude, as was the demand for a gift. However, in this instance I would just get them something small. I think that, to them, they’re doing the same things as their little sister (walking down the aisle before the ceremony) so they probably consider themselves to be “in” the wedding, so I could see it being confusing as to why she gets a gift and they don’t.

I am a huge fan of teaching kids that things aren’t always “even” and they don’t get a present every time someone else does. But, for your sanity, I think I would just get them a small gift and leave that lesson for another day. 

If you’re getting the flower girl apparel stuff, you could do that for these boys as well: 

Do you have Amazon Prime (2 day free shipping)? If so:

$13 for both – tie tack set (just give each boy one tack) (http://www.amazon.com/Mens-Bodega-Cufflinks-Pair-Classic/dp/B00OPB77RE/ref=sr_1_13?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1418083773&sr=1-13&keywords=mens+tie+tack or http://www.amazon.com/Bundle-Monster-Classic-Pattern-Cufflinks/dp/B009B1VCGA/ref=sr_1_15?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1418083773&sr=1-15&keywords=mens+tie+tack )

$11 for both – tie clip set (http://www.amazon.com/Fashion-Metal-Silver-Design-Clips-Set/dp/B00JW2S15I/ref=sr_1_12?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1418083773&sr=1-12&keywords=mens+tie+tack )

$2-$11 each – cufflink knots in any color (http://www.amazon.com/Solid-Color-Silk-Knot-Cufflinks/dp/B006HN7RZU/ref=sr_1_9?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1418084028&sr=1-9&keywords=cufflinks)

$7-$14 each – alphabet cufflinks (http://www.amazon.com/Initial-Cufflinks-Alphabet-Mens-Collections/dp/B00C7SCJ4S/ref=sr_1_37?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1418084085&sr=1-37&keywords=cufflinks)

Post # 41
Member
12205 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I should add,  I would never make demands on the OP  in her sister’s place, especially not a week before the wedding. 

Post # 42
Member
4426 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

elyseDCB:  I was going to say the same thing! Do they even really care? They’re 10 and 12, not little kids. At that age, I would have understood why I didn’t get a gift, and probably wouldn’t have cared at all. If you think they do care, get them something small. If you know they don’t, why bother just to make an adult who it seems manipulated you and forced them to wear the same thing as the groomsmen?

Post # 43
Member
4426 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Oh…and this may be petty, but I wouldn’t mind so much giving the gifts to the two older kids, but I would mind giving my demanding Future Sister-In-Law what she demanded (who does that??) I do with my money. Like I said, childish, but it would probably feel good.

ETA: As she is the one who put them in the wedding and gave them this job to begin with I’d probably write back something like “I see why you are saying that. However, since you asked for them to do a job that wasn’t originally planned on, we did not budget to spend more money on gifts. Feel free to get them something to open while the others do!”

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  KatiePi.
Post # 44
Member
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Ugh. 

It basically sounds like she’s trying to use you to avoid dealing with a possible tantrum from some bratty children. Not your problem.

The topic ‘When to pick a fight and when not to… FSIL vent’ is closed to new replies.

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