Post # 31
cls9q: I would see what Fiance thinks. It’s his family and maybe he can straighten her out. I agree if tey’re not a part of the party then they shouldn’t get gifts. But, also like PP said I hate confrontation and would probably just get them something small… although, my Fiance has no problem telling people where to go, especially when they’re not being reasonable. So this is a matter I would have him resolve.
Lol… so basically to circle back, sounds like an issue for your Fiance.
Post # 32
You are right and I’d be upset too. I’d get them something still to not start with the wrong foot with the in-laws. I’d get an i-tunes or game stop gift card or something like that. I do not love the idea of cash in an envelope because it will probably still cause an undesired reaction. They would know/think that you did it last minute and just because she asked.
It isn’t the kids’fualt really that their mom is making them look bad. Just get them something a kid their age would like. You can just stop by walmart and pick from the different gift cards they have Good luck with everything, stay hydrated and breath!!
Post # 33
weddingmaven: I’m one of 16 cousins, so having all of us in a wedding never would have been an option, and excluding everyone so as not to hurt feelings would have been silly. I always wanted to be a flower girl but was never the right age. I was sometimes bummed when my younger cousins got the role in family weddings, but I got over it. Kids of all ages can learn that not everything is equal all the time.
Post # 34
The fact that she is flat-out told you to get them a gift and backed up it up with a healthy dose of emotional blackmail would make me give them the ugliest, most crappy gift I could find. But I’m kind of a vindictive passsive-aggressive beotch that way.
Post # 35
I definitely think you’re in the right, but this is one of those things where you have to suck it up and just give in, no matter how much it sucks. I would get them a card with a gift card maybe? Something that doesn’t take much thought or effort.
Post # 36
goblueca: I totally agree that not everything can be equal all the time and I’ve taught my own kids that lesson many times over. But there are still times I still think that that it’s smarter to be consistent. In this case a wedding is a one time event, so there’s really no next time or next year.
As I said, I think a flowergirl can be an exception, but personally, I would not ask some nieces or nephews to be in the wedding as BMs or junior BMs and groomsmen and not others.
Post # 37
cls9q: who the fuck makes demands of a bride the week before her wedding? So annoying.
Make your Fiance deal with it and get them dollar store gifts.
Post # 38
I love your money in envelope idea. Kids always love getting money.
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this when your wedding is coming up.
Post # 40
cls9q: Yeah. I’m with you. Her insisting that they be in the wedding was super rude, as was the demand for a gift. However, in this instance I would just get them something small. I think that, to them, they’re doing the same things as their little sister (walking down the aisle before the ceremony) so they probably consider themselves to be “in” the wedding, so I could see it being confusing as to why she gets a gift and they don’t.
I am a huge fan of teaching kids that things aren’t always “even” and they don’t get a present every time someone else does. But, for your sanity, I think I would just get them a small gift and leave that lesson for another day.
If you’re getting the flower girl apparel stuff, you could do that for these boys as well:
Do you have Amazon Prime (2 day free shipping)? If so:
$13 for both – tie tack set (just give each boy one tack) (http://www.amazon.com/Mens-Bodega-Cufflinks-Pair-Classic/dp/B00OPB77RE/ref=sr_1_13?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1418083773&sr=1-13&keywords=mens+tie+tack or http://www.amazon.com/Bundle-Monster-Classic-Pattern-Cufflinks/dp/B009B1VCGA/ref=sr_1_15?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1418083773&sr=1-15&keywords=mens+tie+tack )
$11 for both – tie clip set (http://www.amazon.com/Fashion-Metal-Silver-Design-Clips-Set/dp/B00JW2S15I/ref=sr_1_12?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1418083773&sr=1-12&keywords=mens+tie+tack )
$2-$11 each – cufflink knots in any color (http://www.amazon.com/Solid-Color-Silk-Knot-Cufflinks/dp/B006HN7RZU/ref=sr_1_9?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1418084028&sr=1-9&keywords=cufflinks)
$7-$14 each – alphabet cufflinks (http://www.amazon.com/Initial-Cufflinks-Alphabet-Mens-Collections/dp/B00C7SCJ4S/ref=sr_1_37?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1418084085&sr=1-37&keywords=cufflinks)
Post # 41
I should add, I would never make demands on the OP in her sister’s place, especially not a week before the wedding.
Post # 42
elyseDCB: I was going to say the same thing! Do they even really care? They’re 10 and 12, not little kids. At that age, I would have understood why I didn’t get a gift, and probably wouldn’t have cared at all. If you think they do care, get them something small. If you know they don’t, why bother just to make an adult who it seems manipulated you and forced them to wear the same thing as the groomsmen?
Post # 43
Oh…and this may be petty, but I wouldn’t mind so much giving the gifts to the two older kids, but I would mind giving my demanding Future Sister-In-Law what she demanded (who does that??) I do with my money. Like I said, childish, but it would probably feel good.
ETA: As she is the one who put them in the wedding and gave them this job to begin with I’d probably write back something like “I see why you are saying that. However, since you asked for them to do a job that wasn’t originally planned on, we did not budget to spend more money on gifts. Feel free to get them something to open while the others do!”
Post # 44
It basically sounds like she’s trying to use you to avoid dealing with a possible tantrum from some bratty children. Not your problem.
Post # 45
Thanks everyone for the responses. As much as it hurts me, I think at this point I’ll just get them a small gift and be done with it. While I think it’s completely ridiculous, I don’t want to deal w any negative energy etc. on my wedding day