(Closed) When to send thank you notes for guests who didn't bring a gift/card

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: When would you send thank you notes to people who didn't give you anything?

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  • Post # 2
    Member
    10446 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    You don’t. The reception was a thank-you to guests for attending. Sending thank you notes to someone who didn’t give a gift can come off as gift-grabby.

    Post # 3
    Member
    47432 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    keepcalm101 :  When you send thank you notes to people who didn’t send a gift, you risk your message being interpreted as a passive aggressive reminder about the gift.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4533 posts
    Honey bee

    What 

    View original reply
    hikingbride said.

    Post # 5
    Member
    9519 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Just send them out at the same time as the others unless it is common in your circle to send a wedding gift after the wedding. It must vary by region or culture but I never heard of sending a thank you card as being gift grabby until the bee. Where we are it is common to thank people for attending the wedding even without a gift or card.

    Post # 6
    Member
    9144 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    keepcalm101 :  Yeah, you don’t. You’re not supposed to. It can come off as fishing for a gift. You thanked them in person on the day, right? That’s enough.

    Post # 7
    Member
    882 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    We sent thank you notes to a couple people who did not send us gifts.

    Our thinking was: the post office DOES lose mail (they lost 2 of our invitations, at least – which is a ~5% loss rate), and I was worried that someone might have sent a gift, but had it get lost in the mail. Or even that in all the stress of wedding planning, DH or I might have forgotten to write down a gift. The fear that someone might have given us a gift, and NOT received a thank you note, seemed way worse to me than the worry about sending a thank you note to someone who didn’t give us a gift. So, for couples that we were unsure about, we went ahead and sent a sweet thank you note, thanking them for traveling to see us and supporting us in this exciting time of our lives.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    13955 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    In my social circle, sending thank you cards to people who didn’t give gifts comes acoss as gift-grabby.  The reception is the thank you for attending the ceremony, and there isn’t a reason to send a thank you card if they didn’t bring a a gift.

    If, like a PP said, a gift was lost in the mail, the sender can always follow up with you (and likely would, if it was a check that wasn’t cashed!).  

    Post # 9
    Member
    2215 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I am not sending thank yous to people who just attended.  The reception is for receiving your guests after the wedding and thanking them for attending the wedding. It seems weird to me to send a thank you to people for attending.

    Post # 10
    Member
    720 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I wouldn’t send Thank You cards to someone who didn’t get me a gift. The favor was your “thank you” and it could come off the wrong way if you send them a Thank You and you have no gift to mention. It could be taken as rubbing it in their face, or letting them know you noticed you didn’t get a gift; I’m sure that isn’t your intention of course.

    Post # 11
    Member
    263 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    View original reply
    theatrejulia :  I agree with everything you said. Where I come from the reception isn’t a thank you to your guests. It’s still part of the celebration of your marriage and you should thank everyone who attended.

    Post # 13
    Member
    667 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    If you’re sending “thank you for traveling all that way to celebrate with us” notes I think you should do them right away. The longer you wait, the more passive aggressive it might seem (even if it’s not your intention). The worst case scenario is that someone gets your card and is all “ohhhhh is she trying to call us out for not getting her a gift?!” And frankly the kind of person who has that reaction is going to have a problem no matter what. Most likely people will just feel quietly guilty, or appreciate the note. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    2965 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    i sent all thank you’s (gift or no gift) at the same time. i also had never heard that you are not supposed to thank someone “just for showing up” until i came here. for me, coming to my wedding was good enough, gifts were just a bonus. and everyone at our wedding knows us well enough to know that we are not greedy, gift grabby people.

    i did receive a couple gifts after our thank you’s went out and i just another note to thank them and to let them know we received it.

    Post # 15
    Member
    458 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    We got married 3 weeks ago and we will get all our cards out by the end of September. Where I am from, EVERYONE who attended receives a card. Im not sure how “thank you for being a part of our special day! It meant so much to have you there!” is gift grabby but if someone didn’t give a card or a gift they would get a message along those lines.

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