(Closed) When to start a family? When is it too old to start?

posted 4 years ago in Babies
Post # 46
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

My sister is 39 and just had her first child and still plans on having one more. She had to get fertility help with hormones, but got pregnant fairly easily. You’ve got time. 🙂

Post # 47
Member
4029 posts
Honey bee

lunabee11:  Keep defending your view that shames parents who have to/choose to work for a living. That’s fine. I am sure you think single parents who have to work are the worst people on earth since their children don’t have the chance to be raised by either parent. 

Like I said before, it’s often a privilege to stay home to raise children. So high and mighty fits the mold for a privileged perspective. 

Post # 49
Member
310 posts
Helper bee

lunabee11:  I have to tell you that as a nanny, I find your comments to be offensive, ignorant, and pretty inaccurate.

Post # 50
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Well this turned to a shit show quick! I agree that the PPs hardline nanny position is just too privileged and generalizing for words. Some moms need to work… 

For us the right time is after he finishes his masters in 3 years, we will move and buy a house to fill with bebes (and corgis). I will get my IUD out when he has one year to go so my body can adjust and we start trying when he has 8 months left, around New Years 2017. That will give us two + solid years as a married couple without kids. I’ll be 31 when we start trying. 

Post # 51
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

Lol its crazy how some of you are angry about the nanny comment. In some respect I agree being comfortable enough so one parent can stay home would  be the ideal scenario. The angry comes in bc not enough of the bee fits into this ideal scenario. But some of you have no problem judging when someone has kids without property or a slew of other things.

 

Dont be mad now bc someone is judging you. Its hypocritical

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by  jonescivil.
Post # 52
Member
1039 posts
Bumble bee

lunabee11:  What country are you from? Because I don’t think you get how most American parents don’t have the option to stay home. They need to work to pay for their child to eat and have a roof over their heads, or to keep insurance (we don’t have a single payer system) and they most certainly cannot afford a full-time nanny. Most couples only get 6-12 weeks off UNPAID for medical leave. Thats it. Our wages have been stagnant for a good long while so the argument of “just wait” for that promotion is useless advice as most have been waiting a decade or longer to move up. Now it could be argued that all Americans can just stop having children but that’s a pretty fascist stance in my opinion.

It’s a long long drop from that high horse you’re on.

Post # 53
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

Soooo only super wealthy people who can afford for one parent to stay home are allowed to have kids? WTF? So I, as a mother, am expected to give up my own hopes and dreams of having a great career (not to mention provide my kids with food, clothing, etc) because having help with childcare is somehow “cheating”? My own mother worked my whole life, and guess what? I don’t remember the name of any of my infant babysitters or daycare providers, because I WAS AN INFANT. And I always knew who my mother was. And she was an amazing role model who was a pioneer in her field, which led me to pursue my own goals in a male-dominated industry. 

Screw you and your outdated views of a parent’s (and let’s be realistic, you mean a woman’s) place.

Post # 54
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t believe there’s ever a right time to start a family. I believe in the saying, “if you’re waiting for the right time, you’ll be waiting for the rest of your life.” Of course I wouldn’t get pregnant if my Fiance was unemployed just because I wouldn’t feel comfortable. But if you’re talking age-wise, I wouldn’t get pregnant after 33, mostly cause Fiance is 10 years older than me and doesn’t want to be an “old dad.”

The Bee is a very specific sample group: most believe in getting your ducks in a row (career, married, house, etc) before ever considering getting pregnant. But the fact is that tons of couples have “accidents” and end up with a baby and make it work. It all just depends what you’re comfortable with. 

Post # 55
Member
11578 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

when your position is that ALL of the people who hire you are WRONG to do so, it says a lot. Just FYI, 

lunabee11:  

Now, are you still the world’s best nanny and if so, do you tell the parents that you’re judging them? Lol. I’m betting not. You take their money and then hide on an anonymous internet board to claim your superiority. Much courage. 

Post # 56
Member
215 posts
Helper bee

luna_c:  lol you’re offended? Wowzers, it must suck to be you. Must be tiring to be so easily offended all the time.

 

BalletParker:  *former nanny* I will never be a nanny again. I did what I did because I loved kids a lot and I was awesome at my job, but after watching the whole NEIGHBOURHOOD of shitty parents and their nanies doing all the work, I quit (especially since the baby kept calling me mom) and yeah I did tell the parents I judged them and that they should watch their own kids – and they admitted that they are terrified of dealing with their kids every day. not just those parents, several parents have admitted that. 

I tried it again in hopes that the first neighbourhood was a fluke but nah, its the same. SOme people just shouldnt have kids.

I legit feel bad for all of those offended by the comments, and your children. 

Post # 57
Member
215 posts
Helper bee

By the way ladies, since some of y’all are parents or are going to be parents, you will find that you will may judge other parents and you will ALWAYS be judged. Stating my comments and my views are MY OWN. You may not think they are right or popular, and guess what, lots will not think you are right. Thats reality. I will not stop you from having nannies but its HILARIOUS that y’all get so butthurt about a stranger’s views. 

Post # 58
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think if you want to have a baby, have a baby. Listen to what’s important to you. If you have a good stable job and you feel ready, go for it. If you don’t feel ready maybe wait 6 months and revist. One thing to think about daycare is really expensive and if you had a child while your husband is unemployed he could be a stay at home dad while looking for a job, if it takes him that long. Either way, so many people our age are going though this tough decision right now so you aren’t alone. Good luck with everything!

Post # 59
Member
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

JanineH:  This is a “right” time, just not a “perfect” one… the hard part is knowing when it is right… This isn’t so much decided by the calendar but by your lives.  

As you’ve said, you want each of you to be established in your jobs/careers and own a home.  These a realistic goals prior to having children.  

For Darling Husband and I we had the following items: 

1. Complete our educations

2. Be married

3. Own a GOOD home (meaning a home we’d want to raise our kids in)

4. Be financially secure enough that working is optional for me (with a good savings)

5. Budget/live so that having kids doesn’t mean giving up our other hobbies like travel and diving. 

 

Obviously some things will change, I’m not going to be scuba diving for a little while until our son is old enough to stay with a nanny or something, but just having the freedom to still travel is important to us, even if that travel is just back home to visit family regularly (we live in a different state from 99% of our families).  

We graduated before we got married so the first 2 steps were easy, but it took us 3 years after marriage to achieve the other goals, and we are quite happy we waited because now that I’m pregnant, these aren’t stressful things we are thinking about.  We already have the money for the birth (in Jan) set aside, and are fully prepared to lose my income without much notice if needed.  

I understand that for some that biological clock can be strong, but with medical technology where it is today, I think that’s less and less of a concern for many people (and that is from someone who needs IF help to get pregnant). 

Post # 60
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Lol weeelllll Darling Husband and I are both grad students renting a 1-bedroom apartment, so obviously I don’t feel like I need to have as many ducks in a row as other folks!

For us, we wanted to make sure that we had plenty of emergency savings and decent income and job security. We won’t be even thinking about buying a house for at least 5 more years, so that wasn’t happening. And I won’t be done with my PhD until 2019, so being done with education wasn’t happening either, lol.

But as far as I’m concerned, we’re in a great place to have kids: I get 12 weeks paid mat leave, have the max amount of sick leave built up at my part-time job, we can afford to start saving for college when baby is born, and we should only have to worry about child-care one day per week.

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