(Closed) When to start sending SO ring ideas?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

 

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@MexiPino: KISS  keep it simple stupid.  I agree here!  give him only a few choices so they don’t get overwhelmed or confused. 

 

Also, have you discussed a budget?  I have had some girlfriends give him ring ideas that were thousands more than he had thought he would spend and he got freaked out by it and waited a much longer time.   Good luck!!

Post # 18
Member
8035 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@regit45:  It’s nice of you to not want to pressure him, but I think that if you’re on the track to marriage, he shouldn’t be scared away by some ring talk. It’s not like you just started dating or something.

My advice would be to go to jewelry stores by yourself to get an idea of what styles you like. Sometimes rings look way different on your hand than on a computer screen. Once you have a general idea, I would have a talk with him… maybe ask what price range he’s thinking, and send him a few ideas. The danger of not asking him the budget is that you may be sending pics where he’s like “wow how the hell can I afford THIS?!” or “hmm I wanted to get her something a little more expensive”.

Email is the best way IMO since guys forget. Also remember that what you don’t like is just as important as what you do like. I would also research the 4Cs. You could say something like “I don’t want a square shaped diamond… and I find that I’m color sensitive to please don’t go below H color”. It really depends how specific you want to get.

My SO and I are picking the ring together. I’m too type A to leave it all to him lol. IMO giving some direction isn’t bad because it means that his job is easier and you’ll end up with something you love.

Post # 19
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Honestly, we started talking about engagement a little last summer, last fall a little more, and earlier this winter, more, but when I asked him if he wanted ideas, he got general ones, but didn’t want photos. There came a point when he became ready to buy the ring and to propose, and then one night he asked me. It was thrilling to tell him and to give him examples. Then, we didn’t talk about it, and he quietly ordered my ring and proposed a few short days later.

It depends on him, it depends on your relationship, it depends on how much creative involvement he wants to have. Over all, I would say to gauge it carefully and start slowly.

Side note: One of FI’s friends seems defensive about saving up, saying he would be engaged if it wasn’t for that. Just be careful to respect your SO’s need to save and be financially responsible and let him do that if it’s important to him. 

Post # 20
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

If I hadn’t been as upfront with my now-FI about wanting to have some involvement in ring selection, I probably wouldn’t even be engaged right now. It can be so intimidating and overwhelming to get started with all the different options out there!

Take him to Costco, do some shopping, and then “stumble across” their jewelry department (they have a great selection of rings). When I did this with my SO, I said playfully “which rings do you think I would like here?”. If an associate is there, YOU should say upfront, “oh, we’re not looking to purchase yet, I just wanted to have a look at the different styles and see what looks right on my finger”. By you taking the lead like that, he won’t freak out that you’re pressuring him to purchase, but just realize that this is a good opportunity to learn a little more about what you like, and it gives YOU a chance to try some things on (there were styles I thought I loved looking at pictures online, but realized looked terrible on my hand!).

Best of luck =)!

Post # 21
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@regit45:  …Never? That is his decision, not yours. Sorry, I just seriously hate when girls act entitled about rings and want to control the proposal. You get to spend the rest of your life with the man you love. What more could you want? I’d do that for an onion ring. It is a gift, not something you get to choose. If he asks, fine. It is beyond rude to just assume and start sending pictures.

Post # 22
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

When it comes up. I’ve showed dbf a few rings, and he knows I much prefer white gold, and we both like the 3 stone style, but I wouldn’t have brought it up unless it had been talked about, and it will ultimately be his choice

Post # 23
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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@MrsPanda99:  I’m sorry, but I disagree. I totally understand where you are coming from, and you certainly have a valid point, but not all men are type-A, detail-oriented and confident in making the decision on their own. My now-FI felt so much pressure to do it all on his own, secretly figure out what I would like, etc. that it was overwhelming to him. When he realized that I was open to helping, and that we don’t have to be “traditional” in that he has to narrow all of the options down on his own, he started getting really excited about making the purchase because he was so much more confident about what I would like. He wanted it to be the perfect ring for me. He still ended up choosing the ring on his own, and he planned an incredible suprise proposal =).

Post # 24
Member
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@regit45:  My brother dated an older woman for 5 years….She constantly mentioned that she wanted to get married and that they need to get married… I’d say within the 2nd year they were together she started bringing it up…. It just drove him away and got really ugly towards the end… They did (according to her) go ring shopping and had one picked out, but that was it.  He never followed through with it. 

Post # 25
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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@Rubbs:  I see how that could happen, but it seems like they just weren’t on the same page. Marriage talk is really likely to drive away someone who doesn’t want to marry you.

Post # 26
Member
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@Laurenplusalex:  I agree with you.  He really doesn’t want to get married and her trying to talk him into it just made matters worse.

Post # 27
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Just send him the ideas. I personally would go shopping with him because I’ve seen waaaaay too many guys take the totally wrong idea of what you like from pictures their girlfriend sent. Or if you do just send pictures, elaborate specifically on what you like. And be careful about trying to keep your ideas within what you think his budget may be – I’ve seen guys despair because the girls pinned 4+ carat rings when all he could afford was half a carat, and no amount of telling them “she wants a round brilliant in a halo! It’s okay if it’s not as big!” will console them.

Post # 28
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@allyouneedislove:  I guess my Fiance knew that I would happily wear whatever ring he chose, and wear it with pride. He never felt any pressure, he said he was really excited to choose it on his own (he has chosen every gift he has ever given me on his own). I could care less for the materialistic aspect of marriage; I just wanted the commitment and if a ring symbolizes that, so be it. To each their own though 🙂

Post # 29
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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@MrsPanda99:  Yes, it definitely depends on the woman. I would have loved anything he had presented me with for it’s symbolic value, and while I don’t think I’m a very materialistic person in general, I do love the bling! My Fiance knows this about me and wanted me to have a ring I was proud of for the symbolic value as well as aesthetically =). I just like pretty shiny things- doesn’t automatically make me materialistic or not recognize all rings as beautiful for the meaning they hold =).

Post # 31
Member
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

My boyfriend doesn’t want any of my input regarding the ring haha. I was one of the people who experienced the backfire. He was talking about rings and I told him that when he was ready, I would like to shop with him. He was very offended. He thought that I didn’t trust him to have good taste. He’s sensitive haha. Actually, this issue hasn’t been resolved! I know he’s saving and looking for ideas. He said he saw one he liked but I don’t think he bought it yet. We haven’t established a time line but I did say I wanted to be married before I’m 30. Honestly I think I’m just going to leave it alone and trust his taste. I don’t think this is something worth fighting over.

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