Post # 1
When is it an appropriate time to stop buying for nieces and nephews? I’m newly pregnant and have been putting most of our money into renovations to our home, money is going to be very tight this year. Their ages range from 3-17. We also don’t even receive “Thank-yous” when they receive gifts from us, not even from the parents. Not to mention I’ve been informed from by my husbands step mom that both my sister in laws said they won’t be attending my baby shower nor will they be buying me a gift. (I didn’t even get a card from them for my bridal shower or wedding last year – they are very stingy and cheap.)
thoughts? How could I gracefully let them know that we no longer want to participate in the gift giving?
Post # 2
I would have stopped after not getting a wedding gift.
Post # 4
You can pretty much stop anytime you want to, and you needn’t let them know you won’t be participating in gift giving. I would just send cards moving forward with your well wishes.
Post # 5
rosieposie3 : I would stop due to the gracelessness of the children not thanking you. Even a phone call or text would suffice. The mom’s stinginess shouldn’t be taken out on the kids, though, so if that’s your only reason, keep it up. You don’t have to go to a great expense to give a gift, though since money is tight and they aren’t thanking you, it doesn’t sound worth continuing. If they ask why nothing came this year, say “I never heard a thing about my gifts any other year, I didn’t think you cared” and change the subject.
Personally I’d probably still gift the little ones. They don’t know any better at age 3. Maybe a cutoff around 8? And give the 17 year old thank you cards – they’ll need them anyway for graduation, lol.
Post # 6
I would start dropping the presents to say birthday only if u do Xmas and birthday this year and then once your baby is born if they don’t give a gift for their birthday I would stop. If question just say I thought that we had stopped with gifts now as the family is getting bigger.
Post # 7
rosieposie3 : I’m going to go against the grain here, and say gifts are not tit for tat. It’s not the kids fault that their moms are cheap. I buy all kids in my family that are under 18 xmas and birthday presents. I used to forget to say thank you for gifts as my mum didnt remind me and I was a typical self absorbed child, but that didnt mean I didnt appreciate them. Now my little brother and sis forget to thank me, and I’m close enough to them and they are old enough for me to call and say “hey where’s my thanks?” I think it’s good lessons for when they’re older. Can you just minimize how much the gift is worth? Or just do birthdays and not xmas?
Post # 8
We got presents from aunts and uncles until we were 18.
I would still send something, it doesn’t have to be expensive. Gifts shouldn’t be given because you want something back. Thank yous are polite but I don’t think you should stop just because of that either.
Post # 9
I always got presents from aunts and uncles until I turned 18 and that was the same for all my cousins and my sister too (I stopped getting presents from one uncle/aunty at 15 after their daughter had a child and they cut contact for an unknown reason) but the rule in our family has always been 18. My fiance however still gets presents from all his relatives at 24 🤐
Post # 10
Everyone gets presents for their birthday in my family, unless money is tight (and even then we’ll always try to get something inexpensive for each other).We “little ones” (in our twenties :D) get gifts for Christmas too, but is is always something useful for college/car/new apartment etc, basically helping us with our new grown up lives. Disagreements between family members never touched us growing up.
If money is thight, I’d suggest giving the younger children some inexpensive treat. Teenagers can understand that with a baby coming you can’t splurge, if you explain it, so a card with a cute handwritten message should be enough. I’ve kept ALL the cards I got since middle school, I just love them and it is a sweet memory to have.
Post # 11
Once all the cousins were high school to college aged we kind of all mutually agreed to stop doing Christmas gifts individually and do white elephant instead for everyone—“adults” and cousins generation. This year will be the first year with another generation of littles so I am sure the new great-nieces/nephews will get presents but otherwise we won’t. I think a card is perfectly fine to gift the older ones but also don’t penalize the little ones because their parents don’t buy you presents. You’re an adult with a job who can buy yourself things, they are kids who can’t even write a thank you note yet. That isn’t their fault.
Post # 12
I would stop for all but the most major events, like milestone birthdays and graduations. Gifts aren’t an entitlement and so as long as you’re not acting like you’re punishing the kids for their parents’ lack of etiquette by withholding a gift, I think it’s fine to fade that out, especially since you have a kid on the way and are re-examining your budget.
Post # 13
Stop gifting immediately, not because of any of the lack of doing so on their part, but because you are about to have a baby, which is insanely expensive! No one can fault you for cutting out unnecessary expenses.
Should you feel like gifting for large occasions (graduations, etc.) in the future, do so, but because it is something you wish to do because it makes you happy to do so, not because you expect anything back (even a thank you, though it is nice to hear).
Post # 14
I would still get small gifts for their birthday and Christmas, unless money is so tight that you can’t afflrd $10 in a card or a small toy for the little one. You say money is tight but it comes across as you wanting to punish the kids for their mother being cheap which isn’t fair.
These are your husbands nieces and nephews, how does he feel about not doing presents anymore?
Post # 15
I would stop now and with no explanation. Other people are not entitled to your money or gifts especially when both the children and parents are ungrateful. You have your own LO on the way and you’ll be spending more on him or her and will be less concerned with dishing out gifts to nieces and nephews.