When to stop buying for nieces and nephews

posted 1 year ago in Holidays
Post # 16
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Delete- double post. 

Post # 17
Member
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

rosieposie3 :  Do you like your nephews and nieces? It doesn’t even sound like you like them. When you say they don’t thank you, do you mean you have gifts delivered and they don’t call or send thanks? Or are you there in person and they don’t say thank you to you then? Can you share the wording your husband’s step-mom used when telling you his sisters wouldn’t be giving you a gift, and the context maybe? That seems like a bizarre interaction.

Post # 18
Member
47209 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We all know that gifts aren’t tit for tat, but someimes you just get fed up being the only giver.

If you need to cut back because of the baby coming, this is the ideal tine to just give the parents a casual “heads up” that “With the baby coming, we are going to have to cut back on gift giving. I’m sure you will understand.”

Post # 19
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2023

Beth7210 :  I’m 41 and get present from everyone I see at a holiday. 

Post # 20
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would only buy for events you will attend, like if you are invited to a birthday party and choose to attend. 

Post # 21
Member
1746 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I don’t feel you need to announce this.  You can just stop participating.  Announcing it makes it a bigger deal then it needs to be.  That said, we have 25 neices and nephews between the 2 of us, all under 18. They do not get expensive gifts. Our budget is $10 per kid at Christmas and $20 for birthdays. 5 below has fun stuff.  Kids over 14 get cash or gift certificates. We’ve never gotten thank you, but we do it because we want to give them something.  The oldest ones at both 17 now,  so we’ll have to decide soon if they get to be a part of the adult gift exchange(secret Santa style) or stay with the kids.  We’ll probably just use high school as the cut as both are seniors next year. 

Post # 23
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would stop purely on the basis that money is tight, you have a little one on the way, and you’re doing renovations. Rather funnel your money into home and baby and not have to worry about stretching money to gifts either.

Post # 24
Member
31 posts
Newbee

You can always just send a card or something small. Regardless of their parents I’m sure you still want to show the kiddos tgat you care. 

Post # 25
Member
31 posts
Newbee

Mine are all under 10 and all out of state so I like to send little things regularly to stay in touch, birthdays, Christmas, Easter, etc. I’ll get little toys or books from the 1-3 dollar seasonal section at the front of Target. Or I’ll send Groupons for local activities like museums or petting zoo that are maybe 10:20 bucks. I used to get them each just a bigger present for birthday and Christmas but they have so much stuff already. It’s like they were lost in a pile of gifts anyway. So now I just send smaller things more frequently so they know we’re thinking about them. If not a lot of cost. I think it’s the thought that counts.

Post # 26
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I send gifts to my nephews and my cousin’s kids and out of 7 kids we get thanks from one set of parents (2 kids). Other than one more it’s unlikely we’ll have any more in the future to buy for on my side so it’s not too insane. I plan on continuing until they’re 18 as I have a pretty strict budget of £10 and it’s just birthdays and Christmas, so it’s just a token present.

Post # 27
Member
9570 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

rosieposie3 :  yeah.. I’d keep it to a simple rule like ‘presents only for kids 5 and under, the rest get cards’ or something like that (maybe make an exception if someone has a 6 year old and a 4 year old.. as 6 is too young to get the difference).

I fundamentally agree with you and your husband that it feels like your family is ungrateful and kind of just.. taking without any gratitude or reciprocation.  I’d be fed up of that, too!

As to your last post: definitely if you realize they aren’t gifting anything to your son once he’s here just stop cold turkey.  If they have the gall to ask just say “I noticed you had nothing for Max, and didn’t want my own son to feel excluded so I decided to just follow your lead and go wtih no gifts.”  I’d actually probably buy something and leave it, wrapped, in the trunk and just return it rather than haul it out if I realize they’ve got nothing for my kid.  Sorry, not sorry, you’re not gonna make my kid feel excluded.

I will say you buying them flower girl dresses for your wedding is more or less considered standard, AFAIK.  That much, at least, I wouldn’t think very strange of them to write no thank you card for–I certainly didn’t expect (or get) one from my cousin for the clothes I bought her sons for my wedding.  Not even getting you a card to say congratulations, however, was certainly indicative of the fact they’re takers…  But anyway, I’m still with you on all the rest and the fundamental point of your post.

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