(Closed) When to stop helping sister with money?

posted 5 years ago in Finances
Post # 2
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Uhm. Like yesterday. 50k is a lot. I made 35k and swung 1400$ a month tuition. It’s doable. Save your money. 

Post # 4
161 posts
Blushing bee

You are such an amazing sister! I’m sure she appreciates all you have done for her, don’t be afraid of just talking to her about it. You’ve done more than enough for her, I think it’s time you let your (not so little) little sister take care of herself. 

Post # 5
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think you have done her any favors giving her extra money, but what’s done is done.

I would tell her” I am so  happy for you that you are  in a good relationship and moving in with you boyfriend. I am giving you ___months notice that effective ____ I am no longer going to be sending you money as, between the two of you, your financial state has greatly improved.  I am sure you will understand. I can’t wait to visit you and ___ and the kids in your new home”.

Post # 6
1243 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
sunsetsky:  If it would make you feel more at ease, you could tell her that the following month would be the last month you will be giving her assistance. So May would be her last check from you. You don’t have to give her a reason, it’s no one’s business why someone needs their own money. You’ve been more than generous helping her out for five whole years. She has a partner now, and they can figure things out on her own. Giving her a month heads up is more than enough time for them to rework their budget. Especially since they are talking about buying trampolines, etc.  So yeah, you are a great sister, and you will continue to be a great sister when you stop giving her money. 🙂

Post # 7
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

View original reply
sunsetsky:  You seem like a really great person and an awesome sister, but I say now is the time for you pull the funds. I would just talk to her about it casually and gently. If you don’t really “need” that money, maybe you could look into saving/investing some of it for your niece or nephew and phrase it that way when you talk to your sister.

Post # 8
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I was expecting her to be destitute or something, but she has a good salary. You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about just let her know you’re cutting it off.  You should invest that money for your own future. If she gets upset you say I was happy to help you when you were struggling but that’s not the case anymore. 

Post # 8
7627 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Whoa, with a $50k salary I would have stopped stopped awhile ago.

Post # 10
2256 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
sunsetsky:  I agree with others. You’ve been far too helpful for too long, and she shouldn’t have been this reliant on you. And there have never been any conversations where she’s said “we won’t need you to help us forever,” or “once I move in with my boyfriend, you won’t have to help”?

If I made what she made, even with a child to support, I wouldn’t be asking for help from anyone.

I don’t know the whole story and why she needed help in the first place, but I’m just saying that it seems like she’s doing just fine now and she needs to join the rest of adult society. You shouldn’t be sacrificing your own savings for this now.

Post # 11
4235 posts
Honey bee

I agree with PP’s- I’d just give her a heads up that this is the last month. Maybe make it into a positive- “I’m so proud that you have accomplished so much!” 

Maybe you could contribute to a college fund for your niece if you still feel that you want to help her? I don’t you’re obligated at all, and I don’t think you’ll disappoint her if you stop- you gave her money because she needed some help. Now she doesn’t. Hopefully she is appreciative 🙂

Post # 12
1467 posts
Bumble bee

What if you split the difference a bit. Continue to give half the amount you normally did, but in a seperate account for your niece/nephews university/college education instead. 

Post # 13
1937 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’d have a talk with her, so she’s able to budget appropriately for it, and just tell her that you are SO happy she’s back on her feet and that you’d like to stop the monthly payments. Let her know you’re still supportive and there for her but that ots time she spread her wings. 🙂 I don’t see it as enabling or anything, she was a single mom and you were giving her a little bit extra. That was so nice!  unless she was mismanaging the funds or fueling a drug problem or something you did a great thing. And it’s allowed her to get to this point which is awesome. it sounds like she doesn’t need it anymore so it’s okay to step back now. They make more than enough and have a double income so there’s no need

Post # 14
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

No offense to your sister, but she really shouldn’t be accepting your assistance at this point. It’s just wrong. Sounds like she’s taking advantage of you in a huge way and I would put an end to it right away. Granted I don’t know her whole situation so it’s easy to judge, but I just can’t imagine accepting 400 a month from someone when I make 40-50k!

“Hey sister! It looks like you’re doing pretty well for yourself lately and I’m really proud of you! I think it’s time for me to stop helping out with money now, as it seems you’ve got it under control, love ya!”

Post # 15
11376 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I paid for my (now estranged) step sister’s expenses for a long time, her utilities etc because she had a kid, but she was married. then I found out they were blowing money on drugs. 

The money train stopped. 

I only give money gifts as a one time thing now. 

lesson: stop giving her money. If you want to send her something as a treat once a year, go for it. But gravy train is over. 

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