Post # 1
So I am 9w4d pregnant. One week from today I’ll be 10w4d and we’ll probably see a bunch of our couple friends during Labor Day Weekend. My husband leaves for a 3 week work trip during Week 11, and he’s against telling before 12 weeks, but doesn’t mind if I tell while he’s out of town. When I’m 12w4d, I’m attending the celebration of the second baby of one of the couples in the group. I want to be able to talk about this huge thing in my life with my friends, especially since 3 of them are moms and this is my first and I need their advice and support. I also don’t want to have to pretend I’m not pregnant anymore. But I obviously am not going to announce my pregnancy at the celebration of my friend’s baby!
I really don’t want to take attention away from the mom to be. Would it be too attention-seeking to send an email to the mom to be and the hosts of the celebration a few days before? Those 4 are the ones I really care about knowing. I’m picturing it being a quick hug and congratulations when I see them and then just participating in the baby talk, because with 3 kids under 2 in the group and 1 (plus mine) on the way, there’s a lot of baby talk! And I know it’ll be a few weeks before we’re all together again.
Post # 2
anonbee3584 : I wouldnt announce it at someone else’s celebration for anything. I understand not wanting to announce it during the first trimester. If it were me, I’d just wait until after the baby celebration and call my closest friends and tell them. Maybe then you guys can plan a little get together and then talk about advice. Enjoy this secret while you can, TBH. Because as soon as the secret is out, you’ll be getting EVERYONE’s unsolicited advice, comments, opinions, etc.
Post # 3
I’d wait until after. You say you don’t want to take attention away from them, but yet want to make it all about you being pregnant so you can talk about it. I think it would be different if you said you wanted to give them a heads up because you’ll be showing and don’t want people asking about you at HER shower, but you gave the literal definition of taking attention away as your reason lol.
Post # 4
Would it be too attention-seeking to send an email to the mom to be and the hosts of the celebration a few days before?
Short answer? Yes
Longer answer ? How would you feel if someone else tried to upstage your event with news of their own?
Wait until after the celebration. You have the rest of your life to talk about your baby.
Post # 5
I had grand plans to wait until after my cousin’s baby shower to tell my extended family I was pregnant with my second child. I ended up telling my mother to just go ahead and call people the week beforehand, because it turns out I was showing ridiculously a lot. I didn’t realize it would be that dramatic of a difference from my first. I looked more pregnant than the mom-to-be, as well as a couple.other women attending who were further along than me. I figured telling them the week before was better than walking in the door obviously pregnant and everyone making a big deal of it.
Since this is your first kid, you probably won’t be showing. Will people end up guessing you’re pregnant at the party from other clues? If you think they might, I would tell them ahead. If not, then it seems better to wait.
Post # 6
anonbee3584 : There isn’t actually anything magic that happens at 12 weeks. Rates of miscariage just slowly decline over the course of pregnancy.
Post # 7
personaperson : that’s not that helpful for a lot of people, eg people in the UK, who typically have their first scan at 12 weeks. 12 weeks is the first chance for many to see that everything is developing as it should; in my case unfortunately it wasn’t. I’m so glad I hadn’t already announced as I had no idea that anything was wrong before that.
Op, personally I’d wait until after the celebration.
Post # 8
I think telling them at the Labor Day get together is your best option, but if you can’t convince your husband into that, then wait until after the other baby celebration.
Post # 9
anonbee3584 : I would wait until after the celebration. How big are you/will you be? Truth is sometimes people can tell- you don’t even need to tell. You may want to think about what to say if someone asks.
Post # 10
I’d just tell them after. You’ll have tons of time to talk with them about babies and get advice. It’s not like a week will make much of a difference.
Telling them a few days before the shower is obviously better than like making a grand announcement at the shower, but it still rubs me the wrong way.
I had bloat at 12 weeks but definitely no baby bump and nothing a flowy top/dress couldn’t easily cover up.
Post # 11
anonbee3584 : Assuming you are having or have had at least one U/S prior to the Labour day celebration and all was fine, I’d tell people then. The statistical difference of having a MC between 10w 4d and 12w 0d is 0.5% (2.2% v 1.7%)
If you are both absolutely dead set against that, wait until your husband is back and after your friend’s celebration, to announce.
Either way, this celebration is not about discussing your baby. Make sure you keep the focus on your friend. You will get your day.
But congrats! I’m 8w 1d so not far behind you! I understand the excitement of wanting to discuss all the baby things.
Post # 12
Just to be clear, because this seems to have gotten lost in translation, I have no interest in turning my friend’s baby celebration into an opportunity to blab all night about my pregnancy and hog the spotlight. All I want is to not have to pretend Im not pregnant around my friends while they are all talking about their babies, as they inevitably will be.
But I’ll probably just wait until sometime in October.
Post # 13
anonbee3584 : I (and probably most of us) believe you when you say you dont want to steal the spotlight. The problem is that you naturally will. The others at the party will naturally be curious. And since the celebration is for a second time mom then people may naturally turn many questions or topics, advice, etc around and make them about you since your new and current moms love dishing advice, banter, and stories to new moms. None of us thought you were trying to steal spotlight. You just naturally would. And the extremly hormonal pregnant friend probably would and may end up causing tension. If theres one rule in the woman codebook that is universal: dont even try to share, outdo, or overstep “their” days (wedding, baby shower, etc).
Post # 14
anonbee3584 : trust me, you have plenty of time until you need to tell. I wanted to wait for further progression and genetic testing reaults before telling a lot of people. There were kids/baby conversations happening around me and I never engaged about my own pregnancy until I was ready. It really wasn’t that difficult either. Of course it is if you have this big urge to tell people then that’s just a personal thing. I went to a friend’s BBQ and turned down liquor with nobody batting an eye and I was only 7 weeks. There was no way I was announcing anything then nor was it a big deal to them when I didn’t drink.
Post # 15
Whether you are lowkey about it or not, you’re still asking about announcing at a friend’s event. I understand wanting to tell in person and these are your upcoming opportunities, but I think you already know this isn’t a good idea.