When to tell?

posted 6 months ago in Babies
  • poll: When to tell?
    Send an email a few days before : (4 votes)
    11 %
    Announce at the celebration : (2 votes)
    5 %
    Wait for my husband to come home and tell when we see everyone next : (31 votes)
    84 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    364 posts
    Helper bee

    anonbee3584 :  I wouldnt announce it at someone else’s celebration for anything. I understand not wanting to announce it during the first trimester. If it were me, I’d just wait until after the baby celebration and call my closest friends and tell them. Maybe then you guys can plan a little get together and then talk about advice. Enjoy this secret while you can, TBH. Because as soon as the secret is out, you’ll be getting EVERYONE’s unsolicited advice, comments, opinions, etc. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    7185 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I’d wait until after. You say you don’t want to take attention away from them, but yet want to make it all about you being pregnant so you can talk about it. I think it would be different if you said you wanted to give them a heads up because you’ll be showing and don’t want people asking about you at HER shower, but you gave the literal definition of taking attention away as your reason lol. 

    Congrats though! 

    Post # 4
    Member
    47278 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Would it be too attention-seeking to send an email to the mom to be and the hosts of the celebration a few days before?

    Short answer? Yes

    Longer answer ? How would you feel if someone else tried to upstage your event with news of their own?

    Wait until after the celebration. You have the rest of your life to talk about your baby.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1865 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I had grand plans to wait until after my cousin’s baby shower to tell my extended family I was pregnant with my second child.  I ended up telling my mother to just go ahead and call people the week beforehand, because it turns out I was showing ridiculously a lot.  I didn’t realize it would be that dramatic of a difference from my first.  I looked more pregnant than the mom-to-be, as well as a couple.other women attending who were further along than me.  I figured telling them the week before was better than walking in the door obviously pregnant and everyone making a big deal of it.

    Since this is your first kid, you probably won’t be showing.  Will people end up guessing you’re pregnant at the party from other clues?  If you think they might, I would tell them ahead.  If not, then it seems better to wait.

    Post # 6
    Member
    668 posts
    Busy bee

    anonbee3584 :  There isn’t actually anything magic that happens at 12 weeks. Rates of miscariage just slowly decline over the course of pregnancy. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    698 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    personaperson : that’s not that helpful for a lot of people, eg people in the UK, who typically have their first scan at 12 weeks. 12 weeks is the first chance for many to see that everything is developing as it should; in my case unfortunately it wasn’t. I’m so glad I hadn’t already announced as I had no idea that anything was wrong before that. 

    Op, personally I’d wait until after the celebration.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1396 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2020

    I think telling them at the Labor Day get together is your best option, but if you can’t convince your husband into that, then wait until after the other baby celebration.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    anonbee3584 :  I would wait until after the celebration. How big are you/will you be? Truth is sometimes people can tell- you don’t even need to tell. You may want to think about what to say if someone asks.

    Post # 10
    Member
    9365 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I’d just tell them after. You’ll have tons of time to talk with them about babies and get advice. It’s not like a week will make much of a difference. 

    Telling them a few days before the shower is obviously better than like making a grand announcement at the shower, but it still rubs me the wrong way.

    I had bloat at 12 weeks but definitely no baby bump and nothing a flowy top/dress couldn’t easily cover up.

    Post # 11
    Member
    582 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    anonbee3584 :  Assuming you are having or have had at least one U/S prior to the Labour day celebration and all was fine, I’d tell people then.  The statistical difference of having a MC between 10w 4d and 12w 0d is 0.5% (2.2% v 1.7%)

    If you are both absolutely dead set against that, wait until your husband is back and after your friend’s celebration, to announce.  

    Either way, this celebration is not about discussing your baby.  Make sure you keep the focus on your friend.  You will get your day.

    But congrats!  I’m 8w 1d so not far behind you!  I understand the excitement of wanting to discuss all the baby things. 

     

     

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    364 posts
    Helper bee

    anonbee3584 :  I (and probably most of us) believe you when you say you dont want to steal the spotlight. The problem is that you naturally will. The others at the party will naturally be curious. And since the celebration is for a second time mom then people may naturally turn many questions or topics, advice, etc around and make them about you since your new and current moms love dishing advice, banter, and stories to new moms. None of us thought you were trying to steal spotlight. You just naturally would. And the extremly hormonal pregnant friend probably would and may end up causing tension. If theres one rule in the woman codebook that is universal: dont even try to share, outdo, or overstep “their” days (wedding, baby shower, etc). 

    Post # 14
    Member
    2117 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    anonbee3584 :  trust me, you have plenty of time until you need to tell. I wanted to wait for further progression and genetic testing reaults before telling a lot of people. There were kids/baby conversations happening around me and I never engaged about my own pregnancy until I was ready. It really wasn’t that difficult either.  Of course it is if you have this big urge to tell people then that’s just a personal thing. I went to a friend’s BBQ and turned down liquor with nobody batting an eye and I was only 7 weeks. There was no way I was announcing anything then nor was it a big deal to them when I didn’t drink.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3989 posts
    Honey bee

    Whether you are lowkey about it or not, you’re still asking about announcing at a friend’s event. I understand wanting to tell in person and these are your upcoming opportunities, but I think you already know this isn’t a good idea. 

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