(Closed) When to tell family?

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
  • poll: When should we tell our immediate family we're pregnant?
    two weeks before my brother's wedding : (5 votes)
    14 %
    The day after my brother's wedding : (20 votes)
    56 %
    Some other time - written in my post : (11 votes)
    31 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    296 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    I would tell them all in person, the day after your brother’s wedding. It’ll be such a special moment for you all. πŸ™‚ When your brother comes back from his honeymoon, tell him via Skype or phone and just let him know that you didn’t want him to be the last in the family to know, but that you also didn’t want to take away from his special time. I think he will totally understand and be happy that you are so considerate. Of course, you can always tell them all before the wedding, too, but then when you see them all in person AT the wedding, it might become more about them congratulating and spotlighting your pregnancy, rather than your brother and his new wife. Good luck with whatever you choose to do and congratulations on your pregnancy!! 

    Post # 4
    Member
    752 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    How far along would you be at your brother’s wedding?  I think that plays into it more than anything.

    I would not tell everyone if aren’t in the 10-12 week range yet. 

    As for keeping it from your DH’s family, you said your friend will go with you on the bachelorette party.  She can help you fake it with the drinking.

    Edit:  I want to add…I did manage to keep it from my DH’s family who we saw on a weekly basis.  I just continued to pretend to drink.  I also lost 10lbs from morning sickness so that helped keep the cover up successful.

    Post # 5
    Member
    7651 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Maybe you could tell your brother first? Then explain your reasoning to him and get his blessing. I asmire you for thinking about him during this time. That’s really awesome of you.

    If anything, I would announce the day after the wedding.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    3830 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Wait until 12 weeks. It will give your brother the time to enjoy his wedding, and then you can announce it to the rest of the family. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    1760 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Tell the inlaws since you see them all the time. Warn them you didn’t tell any of your friends and family yet so they need to keep it quiet for a few weeks. Tell any friends you will run into during drinking/wedding events and warn them you haven’t told anyone so they need to keep it quiet but help you cover it. Then tell your family in person. 

    The timing is a little off, you should wait til 12 weeks but since you never see your family that often you can make it work. And since you’re telling family they will support you if something happens and you miscarry.  I would put off telling all your friends until after 12 weeks. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    752 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    In your situation I can understand not wanting to tell an unsupportive friend.

    Cold water in a beer can works great.  Watered down apple juice looks amazingly like white wine.  You can do it!!

    I’d be hesitant to tell in-laws and not plan to tell your family for a while.  Plenty of folks have had inlaws spill the beans even after being told to keep it quiet.  You know your families best though!!

    Good luck and congratulations!!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1238 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    About the drinking, you can accept drinks and take a sip or two and fake through the evening, or you can say you’re on antibiotics for an infection of sorts so unfortunately you can’t drink that weekend. I’d wait until after the wedding when you’re father along. Even 9 weeks is considered early, but I can appreciate you wanting to tell them in person when everyone is together. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    7902 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    We live apart from our families so we told them all on the phone as soon as we found out. Honestly, if I were you, that’s what I would do. That way, there’s time for it to sink in before everyone sees you. It’ll still be exciting when they see you at the rehearsal and stuff, but the news won’t be so new that it’s all anyone can talk about. We told extended family at 13 or 14 weeks.

    Post # 13
    Member
    7902 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    re: drinking

    Are you comfortable telling your friend that you are trying to conceive? Many women start abstaining as soon as they start trying.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2192 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I agree with PP about getting your brother’s blessing first.  Normally I would say to wait until you are out of the first trimester but since your family will all be together the day after the wedding that is the perfect time to share the news but time your news so that it towards the end of the gathering so you don’t “steal any thunder” from the bride & groom.

    Congrats!

    Post # 15
    Member
    322 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    If you want to wait maybe you could offer to be the Dirty Delete at the bachelorette party? Or that your stomach is upset? You may be able to dodge out of this friends eye if you want to without lying. Order just juice or soda, and don’t make it seem like a big deal that you aren’t drinking. If someone buys you a drink you can lose it, give it to the bride to be, your friend, or say you think someone roofied it! Lol

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