(Closed) When to tell?? How to decide??

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
  • poll: How far along were you when you told family??

    Right away!

    4-6 weeks

    6-8 weeks

    8-10 weeks

    10-12 weeks

    12 +

  • Post # 2
    2591 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

    View original reply
    mrshubbard52116 :  my view on this is, if you would tell them if there was a complication, you can tell them right away.

    My aunt told me when she was pregnant at only 4 or 5 weeks since we’re close. She had several complications and miscarriages and told me all about them each time. Because she was going to tell me the news no matter what the outcome, she could tell me early on. 

    Basically, if these are people you would confide in and lean on if things did not go as planned, then no sense in waiting to tell them. People you would not confide in, should wait until the 12 week mark.

    Post # 3
    298 posts
    Helper bee

    IHi!  Congrats on your pregnancy!  I think for everyone it is a personal choice.  DH and I are also super close to our family – I have 2 sisters and we talk all day in a group text but we decided to wait until 13.5 to tell our family.  It was definitely hard and I definitely would have told them if a complication happened but we just weren’t ready to share the news with everyone.  We knew that our family would have been super excited and it would be hard for them to keep it a secret and we just werent ready for EVERYONE to know before 12 weeks.  My thought is once you tell someonoe the news it’s their choice to do what they want with it and some families are really good at keeping secrets and some famillies are just too excited to keep the news to themselves.  I knew our family wouldn’t be able to hold back.  When we did tell our family they were super surprised because they just couldn’t believe we were able to keep it a secret that long.  They all understood our decision to wait but I also feel they were a little bummed that they hadn’t known sooner.  I explained our reasoning and they listened and of course said they would have never told anyone but I’m not sure they fully understood.  Especially my sisters they seemed a little hurt but neither of them have been pregnant so I don’t think they could fully grasp the resoning behind me waiting.  Also the first 12 weeks are scary – anything can happen and I knew telling more people would mean talking about it more regularly and some day I had to kind of detach myself from the thought of being pregnant because I didn’t want to get my hopes up and something happen and be devestated.  This is my first pregnancy and the first 12 weeks were a roller coaster for me.  I hope this helps.  Good luck!

    Post # 4
    9535 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    my son is the product of IVF, so a few our close friends and family knew we were going through treatment.

    we told my mom 2 days after we got the phone call.  we told DH’s mom, aunts, and one cousin at 7 weeks.  i told a couple of friends at 8 weeks.

    between 8 and 10 weeks, we shared with a few other family members

    we graduated from RE to OB at 10 weeks, after that appointment she said it was safe to tell.  so at 11 weeks, we announced to our close friends.

    we never announced on fb.  so word spread via word of mouth or when i was eventually showing, any pictures posted to fb.  i think i was about 20ish weeks when the first photo of me pregnant was on fb.


    Post # 5
    1124 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    mrshubbard52116 :  Personally, I would tell at least one other person about the pregnancy very soon/immediately. Just in case, you are hospitalized or in an accident or something, there’s someone else besides DH that can alert medical personnel about your condition. 

    Post # 6
    2133 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I would tell immediate family after first appointment.

    Post # 7
    1148 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Ontario, Canada

    We told parents and siblings at the end of week 8, I told my best friend at 10 weeks because she was staying with us for the weekend and would totally have figured it out of I hadn’t (I had morning sickness so bad at that point). Everyone else was at 12 weeks.

    Post # 8
    96 posts
    Worker bee

    We were planning on waiting but due to a stressful pregnancy we told our parents at 6 weeks. We really wanted their support and felt very alone in the situation. We weren’t expecting the news to travel outside of those 4 people but it did pretty quickly. That’s something to keep in mind. Some people can’t keep a secret. 

    I’m 14 weeks now and still haven’t told my coworkers so that’s the only announcement I have left to make. I don’t think I would have done anything differently though. My first trimester was rough and it was hard to hide. Do what’s best for you. 

    Post # 9
    31 posts
    • Wedding: January 2016

    We told our families right away.  If there had been a problem I would’ve told them as well so I wanted them to share in our joy.  It has been wonderful having them involved since the beginning.  Everyone knew we were trying for a family.

    I told my closest friends between 6-12 weeks depending on when I saw them.  I wanted to tell them in person.

    I told my work, my grandmother, and other relatives and friends at 13 weeks.  I also don’t keep it a secret any longer at this point.  We still haven’t announced on social media or anything yet.

    I’m 15 weeks today.

    Post # 10
    676 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    View original reply
    mrshubbard52116 :  Congratulations! I’m just over 10 weeks now and we told our parents around 5 weeks and my siblings shortly after that. We did ask that everyone keep quiet until 12 weeks when we plan to tell extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) & friends as well as our respective workplaces. That said, we also struggled with infertility and were seeing a specialist. So for those close friends of ours that knew we had struggled, I’ve been slowly telling them since we saw the heartbeat at 6 weeks (my parents also knew we were seeing a specialist). Just telling friends as we see them, and calling the ones that live far away. Labor Day is 12 weeks, so we are planning to tell many extended family members in person over the holiday weekend.

    Post # 11
    2942 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    There are a few things I took into consideration when we were telling people before 12 weeks;

    1. Would I want these people to know right away if something happened?  The answer for me was often no.  I knew that personally I would want time to grieve with just DH if something happened.  I wouldn’t want people stepping into my business until I was ready.  If someone could be trusted to understand my need for privacy, we could tell.

    2. Can who we are telling keep a secret?  DH’s parents are notroious blabber mouths.  Could not keep a secret if their life depended on it.  DH was a bit upset, but he understood where I was coming from.  He didn’t get to tell his family about our engagment because his parents had told everyone before we even had a chance to catch our breath.

    3. Do they need to know?  I came down with bad pregnancy fatigue.  Getting through a shift at work was difficult.  Then we were asked to go on OT.  I had to tell my boss because working OT would make it dangerous for me to drive home.  Luckily, I had an understanding boss and it was fine.

    Post # 12
    338 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    We told our parents at 7 weeks just so we’d have their support if something happened. We notified siblings at 10 weeks, and waited until 12.5 or so to tell other family and close friends. We never made a Facebook announcement since we’d already told the people we wanted to know. I told my work at around 16 or 17 weeks (don’t remember exactly when). I think it’s a personal decision. I also agree with PPs about whether the people you tell can keep it a secret, if you want them to. We knew our parents and siblings wouldn’t say anything until we told others we wanted to know.

    Post # 13
    3107 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

    We only told people early, that we felt comfortable telling if something bad happened. We told everyone else at 12 weeks. 

    Post # 14
    9128 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    mrshubbard52116 :  not pregnant yet, but our closest friends and family know that we’re about to do IVF. Basically if I’m close enough to tell them about treatment then I’ve decided I’m close enough to tell them right away, since I would also tell them if I miscarried. Everyone else will be 12 weeks or later. 

    Post # 15
    153 posts
    Blushing bee

    I am just about 7 weeks and have only told 2 very close friends of ours, and only because we stayed a weekend with them and they would have figured it out. We wont tell my father until 13 weeks (falls nicely on Canadian Thanksgiving and want to tell him in person). I would tell him a bit sooner but he can’t keep a secret and I am not ready for the world to know yet. Mother-In-Law and SFIL can keep it quiet, but I don’t feel right telling them way ahead of my Dad so they will also find out on Thanksgiving. I also didn’t tell them when I had my previous ectopic and miscarriage though, so it isn’t like I would have them as support if something did happen.

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