(Closed) When to tell?? How to decide??

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
  • poll: How far along were you when you told family??
    Right away! : (10 votes)
    15 %
    4-6 weeks : (14 votes)
    21 %
    6-8 weeks : (11 votes)
    16 %
    8-10 weeks : (7 votes)
    10 %
    10-12 weeks : (12 votes)
    18 %
    12 + : (13 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    328 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I’m going to wait to tell my parents after I hear a heartbeat on an ultrasound. My first appt is at 6 weeks 4days so I’m hoping then…if we don’t see anything on the ultrasound then im going to wait for 8wks when I have my 2nd appt. I’m debating waiting to tell my husbands parents at 12 weeks because he has a big family + they all have big mouths…everyone would know in his extended family and I want to be relaxed past 1st trimester before everyone knows….what do uu ladies think? Is it fair if my parents know weeks before his??? Or should I do what I feel mentally/physically comfortable w/??

    Post # 17
    Member
    9818 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Immediate family and close friends within a few weeks of when we found out for the most part

    Post # 18
    Member
    7898 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I’m 14 weeks now and the only person who knows is my mom. I miscarried at 11 weeks last year and having to tell people (even close friends and family) is crap. I am waiting until 16 weeks and then I think we will have to tell people as this is my 3rd and I’m starting to show. It makes me really sad because I’d like to be able to tell our kids but I don’t want to have to tell them the baby died- although my 13 year old knows I miscarried last year and handled that quite well. With my first two pregnancies I told people about 10/11 weeks.

    Post # 19
    Member
    1191 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    I haven’t read all the responses, but you can tell people 3 minutes after you pee on a stick if you’d like! All it means is that if you miscarry (20% chance in the first 12 weeks) you have to be willing to announce that too.

    There’s no right or wrong way to do it, regardless of what some people might frown on for unknown reasons.

    I did have a friend announce on Facebook at 6 weeks, then she miscarried but didn’t tell anyone (on Facebook at least). We were all really confused when we saw her post a couple months later about how much wine she drank the night before.

    Post # 20
    Member
    862 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    We did it on a case by case basis. We told my parents the first time we saw them after finding out (4w5d) which happened to be Fathers Day. We each told one close friend the day we found out, and I told the two ladies I work directly with, since they had to cover me everytime I had to run to the bathroom with morning sickness. They were all people who we would have told if there was a miscarriage. 

    DH’s family we waited until about 11 weeks, they’re all very excitable and we doubted they’d be able to contain their excitement and would spill the beans. 

    We told my grandparents at 6 weeks, we had planned to wait until 12 weeks but extenuating circumstances on both sides changed that, and I’m glad we went with it. On one side of the family my grandfather was very ill and depressed so we told him to perk him up. A week later he took a turn for the worst and passed away the day I turned 7 weeks. I am so glad I told him early, this will be his first Great Grandchild and I’m so glad he knew of it’s existence. On the other side of the family, my grandmother was planning a trip out to see us In October but I’m due in February. The combination of expensive flights and coordinating with my uncle (since she can’t travel alone anymore) meant that a trip in October would mean she couldn’t visit again for at least a year. I wanted to tell her before she booked tickets, so she had a chance to delay her trip. Sure enough, she’s now coming in the spring!

     

    Other than that we told friends gradually, my morning sickness was pretty brutal so anyone that we spent time with we just told, it wouldv’e been too hard to hide. That’s still only 4 additional friends since we’re both introverts. All but my immediate family lives on the other side of the country so we waited till 12 weeks to tell them since it was easy.

     

    Post # 21
    Member
    2166 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    My mother knew immediately. She has issues getting and staying pregnant and I wanted her support. We told my dad and in-laws a few days later for the same reasons.

    Post # 23
    Member
    197 posts
    Blushing bee

    I am an odd duckling. I am 20 weeks and it’s still our big secret. Ok, I couldn’t not tell my mom and sisters, so they know, but they have shocked me by keeping quiet. We will be telling his family on Grandparent’s Day, so in a couple more weeks. Once you wait that long a few more weeks is nothing.

    None if our friends know. Work doesn’t know. It’s our secret. Sometimes I feel bad about it because it makes me feel like we did something wrong and are ashamed and that could not be further from the truth. We laugh because I am showing, but people are probably too scared to say anything in case I have just let myself go and gained a few pounds. If they asked me I would tell them the truth. Work wise, until I figure out how I want to take my leave it is none of their business because it doesn’t affect my work.

    Honestly, it is kinda fun to have it just be our secret. Nobody is rubbing my stomach or asking me how I feel. And we get to laugh about it.

    Post # 24
    Member
    15002 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I told my parents the day we foudn out at 4 weeks.  Then my in laws at 8 weeks cause they visiting from out of state at that time.  Then we lost it at 9 weeks.  Next time around I’m not saying anything to anyone until 12+.  My parents, my mom esepcially, do not need to be on this emotional roller coaster and devesated from bad news like this is it were to happen again.  I can get through it myself.

    Post # 25
    Member
    2942 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    giaf1 :  This was an arguement Darling Husband and I had.  DH’s parents can’t keep a secret. At the end of the day, it boiled down to the fact that I was the one that was pregnant, and my Darling Husband is following my lead a lot.  Also, because we waited to tell his parents, he got to tell his extended family who he is close to unlike the previous times we had big news where his extended family knew before he could tell them.  

    Post # 26
    Member
    1115 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    mrshubbard52116 :  If it’s killing you to keep it from your mom, then I would go ahead and tell her. If anything she can provide support either way. It’s really up to you who you end up telling and when. If you’re comfortable “untelling” people in the event something happens, then do it sooner rather than later. We told my parents immediately and DH’s parents after our first ultrasound. We told close friends around 8 weeks and then my sister announced to her inlaws that I was pregnant at 9 weeks without my permission 🙁 We waited to tell extended family and friends until after 12 weeks. I’m currently almost 17 weeks pregnant and we have yet to make a social media annoucement and probably won’t. It’s always fun to see people’s reactions when they see me in person and find out we’re pregnant. 

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