(Closed) when to TTC? this is very tricky for us… what would you do, bees??

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

What does your gynecologist say?  That might be a good person to talk to.  Also, what are your fiance’s thoughts about timing?  After med school he’ll have his residency, so there might not be an “ideal” time just after he graduates either.

Post # 5
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

My brother is married to a doctor and his wife confirms that AFTER med school life is when crazy begins. The whole matching process was all about uncertainty, they weren’t even sure if they’d have to move out of the state etc. And the first years of residency she barely came home!

So my brother and his wife decided to wait 4-5 years (this is all after med school). But in their case the doctor is the one whom will be pregnant so I don’t think they had a choice.

I guess I wanted to confirm that after med school is more hell than med school itself.

Post # 6
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

4th year of medical school is a great time to have a baby (meaning you’d be pregnant when he’s an MS3), and it might be a good compromise between your needs and your partners…  Plus, you definitely don’t want to have a baby in the first year or so of residency (unless it’s psych) because you’ll feel like a single parent.

Residency gets easier as it goes along, so later in residency is probably fine for him, though I don’t know that it works as well for your medical needs.  Best of luck whatever you decide!

Post # 7
Member
2144 posts
Buzzing bee

Honestly, I would say go for it after the wedding, maybe jut give it a couple of months to get settled into the new house and such. It might be hard, but living with the regret of waiting too long might end up being even harder. I had a psych teacher in HS who used to say “if you wait until you are 100% ready and everything is in order, by then you’ll be too old.” He would sound kind of regretful when he said it as well (he and his wife never had any children). In this case, you guys won’t be too old, but there are reproductive complications that could cause infertility. That’s my personal thoughts anyway.

Post # 8
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Personally, I would chose to try now. Knowing that I have a condition that with time could make my chances of having a baby go down, I would chose now. Times will be crazy with med school but when you’re holding that baby, it’ll be worth it.

That’s just my opinion, I really wish you the best of luck with whatever yall chose to do!!

Post # 9
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

O and when I said now, I mean now as in after you get married, not this very minute!!

Post # 10
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

as a medical student, i have to say there is no good time to have a baby (school is exhausting, as is residency), but when i say that im not saying “don’t have one” im saying, anytime is an ok time to have a kid because its never going to be perfect! (this is what we as female students have been told by many many female physicians during lunch time talks).

are you planning on working while he is in school?  i have many male classmates who have kids or kids on the way who’s wives work, and many who stay home–they all seem like they have plenty of time for school and for home life (you learn to organize much better in med school, i thought i was awesome at time management in undergrad, but wow, i’ve improved so much!)

also, i have to say first and second year of med school are much easier than 3rd, there is a lot of studying, but so much of that can be done at home during 1st and 2nd year when you don’t have set “work” hours like you do in 3rd and 4th…

anyway, i guess my point is, if its important to the two of you that your child is biologically yours, then, if it was me, i would get started TTC once you get to your med school location…

 

hugs, and i hope that your endo isnt an issue when you start TTC! keep us updated!

 

Post # 11
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Duck- I think they have it a little easier because it is her FH in medical school (and not her), but she did mention O Chem…

And you are right, there’s definitely no great time, but 4th year is better than most times!  ( and I couldn’t have done it in residency!)

Post # 12
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

My advice would be to not make any decisions for a year.  Get married.  Enjoy your first year of marriage and his first year of medical school.  Settle in.  Adjust.  Be happy.  Then take a look at your choices again and make a decision.

Post # 13
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I agree that taking a little time to enjoy the marriage is a great idea. Let him get settled into med school and find his groove. Then maybe just come off BC and let nature take its course. The problem with waiting till he’s done with school is that you never know how long it will take to get pregnant. If you wait till 4th year but then don’t get pregnant right away then your still into the first years of residency anyway. 

I guess my point is that trying to conceive naturally isn’t a science and really hard to time bc you just never know how quickly it will happen. One of the many reasons that there is no perfect time. 

 

Post # 14
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

What kind of treatments are you on? I had a doctor push me to have my first kid at 21, even tho Darling Husband was deployed at the time. I didn’t really care for the guy (he was kinda weird) and saw another doctor. I ended up in a fertility clinic seeing a reproductive endocrinologist. He said that with all the options they have available to women with endometriosis nowadays, the only way he’d encourage me to TTC now/very soon would be if i was a really bad case. And he said even if i was, I’d probably need ART (advanced reproductive techniques) to get pregnant anyways. Oh and I just turned 24.

I had a laparoscopy a couple years ago (dec 2007) to clean out all the sticky tissue. My organs were growing together and they separated them all. I had an 8 week long recovery. I was a mess. They put me on lupron depo provera and froze my reproductive cycle. I started a low carb, low sugar, low inflammatory diet. Then, after 6 months on the lupo, I started birth control so I wouldn’t menustrate. Menstruate=scar tissue. So we basically froze my body exactly where it was. I had another lap in December to see what my tubes looked like. Doctor said it looked great, that even though i had a low egg follicle count (thanks to a very invasive vaginal ultrasound), things looked pretty good and the endo seemed to clear up. He deduced it was likely the medication and the diet I was on that kept it from coming back. 

Anyways, my advice is to go get checked out more. My regular OBGYN simply didn’t have the knowledge that my specialist did. She gave me vague answers like, “well you never know, endometriosis can be really bad” blah blah blah and this guy was just like, “ok here’s the deal…..here’s what I advise…” knowing I was in college and graduated a year ago and Darling Husband was in the military and we were NOT READY to have kids yet. Even though it’s never a good time to have a baby, forcing one when we know 100% beyond the shadow of a doubt it is a truly awful time would have been irresponsible for us (we lived apart for the first 6 months of our marriage). 

He’s going to be really busy in medical school. I’d take Mrs. Dg’s advice. I’d be incredibly frustrated if I didn’t have a partner who was able to ‘pull his weight’ essentially. He’s going to be SO busy studying all the time, being on campus, all those things. Do you want him to miss out on a lot of that? While it’s not an ideal situation, in the long run, it may seriously bum you out that he’s not able to participate in the first year or two of his baby’s life very much because he HAS to study all the time. It’ll be hard on him, too, I’d imagine. I dunno, one of my friends is preggo and her husband is stationed in Virginia finishing up a military school and watching her go through her pregnancy pretty much alone is really hard on BOTH of them. All I’m saying is….do you want to be a single parent? Because you very well may end up being one.

Endo is very unpredictable. But if you get it under control, you’re better off, in my opinion (I’m no medical expert by any means, just someone who’s dealt with this extensively and researched the crappola out of it). Also, having a “clean” and scar-tissue free uterus makes a better environment for the fetus to grow. If you haven’t had surgery yet, you may consider getting a “clean out” so your uterus is a happier place =]. Also, where is the endo located? Somtimes it’s located in places that really have no bearing on your fertility (um, mine was all over my bowels and colon and stuff, plus my stomach and uterus but NOT on my ovaries. I did have 3 ginormous cysts on them though and the doc plucked those guys off)  so if it’s all over your tubes, you’ll know now versus later how much of a difficult time you’ll have. Basically if your tubes are scarred shut, the chance of you conceiving naturally is super slim. But if your tubes are good, then the likelihood of your egg making it to the uterus and implanting is far greater. It just depends WHERE the tissue is.

Have you had a lap yet? It’s a really great diagnostic tool altho kinda sucky, no lie. And lupron is evil, too…i can honestly say i know what menopause feels like and it is no bueno.

Post # 15
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh and he said there’s absolutely zero reason to believe why I can’t wait to have kids on MY time schedule. W’ere thinking 26-27 now (For me, Darling Husband will be 30). But he did tell me that if I can’t conceive within 6 months (most women they tell a year but if you have a pre-diagnosed fertility problem, they say 6 months), they’ll put me on clomid. Since they already know I have a low egg follicle count (3 on one side, 8 on the other I think?) they have a heads up on what *could* be my problem.

It’s just nice to know what you’re up against beforehand.

Post # 16
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

That is some good advice EJS.  I wouldn’t rush it, especially since you are young and just getting married. Medical school will take some adjustments on both your parts so it may be worthwhile to postpone it while you enjoy being married, adjust to your husband’s schedule, and become a little more stable financially since he will be in school and you will have your first home which will come with expenses, too.  The end of medical school seems like a good time since you will know where he is going for residency and you will know he is earning a steady (albeit not large) income.

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