Post # 1
Member
38 posts
Newbee
This weekend Fiance and I were supposed to sit down and do invitations. I have been asking my parents for about 6 months to get addresses of certain family members (who I have only met about once and live out of state). My parents acted like it was a huge inconvenience to them to get this information for me despite the fact that I have been asking them for it repeatedly for six months now. That was issue #1 yesterday.
Issue #2: We have been trying to cut the guest list as we are about 50 people over right now, and we decided to keep it to engaged, married, and living together couples only. No random dates. Fiance then called his mom to ask if a family member that he never sees was engaged. Future Mother-In-Law said no. He then explained to her what our guest list policy was. Future Mother-In-Law then tells him that we need to let this person bring a date because “it’s the right thing to do.” Fiance did not stand up to her at all, and just agreed with her. Not the first time he has taken his mother’s side over mine (which is an entirely different issue….).
I was so upset that his mother was going above my head and going against my wishes that I truly had a breakdown. Not one of my finest moments, but I am just at my wits end and frustrated does not even begin to describe that I am right now.
My mom then called me a bitch and a “bridezilla” and said that I needed to “just let them invite who they want to invite and shut up about it.” My mom and I have a great relationship otherwise, but let me tell you, it REALLY hurt to be called a bitch by my own mother. Especially in front of my Fiance. The very thought of even looking at or talking to my mother right now makes me sick to my stomach. I am so angry at her. And the worst part is, I know she won’t apologize. She never does.
This whole weekend has really put a bad taste in my mouth about this wedding. Planning is not fun anymore. I’m not enjoying it. I don’t even want to do anything, plan anything or even think about this wedding again. I have even had thoughts of jsut calling it off entirely because I can’t deal with this anymore. This has all gotten so out of control.
HELP!
Post # 3
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
I don’t blame you. The day is supposed to be about your Fiance and you, and your wishes. It sounds like it’s gotten out of control and the guests and family are taking over. Take a deep breath, take a few minutes to just meditate and collect yourself, and take little steps from here to the end. Keep the “goal” in sight… you’re on the last mile!
Post # 4
Member
38 posts
Newbee
@MadameTussaud: I just want to cry right now.
Post # 5
Member
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@Annonybee123: Just wondering if you and Fiance are paying? Or is mom? That makes a huge difference. Sorry 🙁
Post # 6
Member
38 posts
Newbee
@creativeplannertobee: FI are paying….my mom and dad are contributing. His parents are not contributing for the wedding part at all.
Post # 7
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
I’d tell your mom that if she really feels that way then she’ll need to give up her plate to the cousin’s random +1, since the number on the guest list is fixed.
Who’s paying? His parents, yours, or you guys?
Edit: Saw the answer. If your parents are helping, I would suggest that they be willing to take on any additional guest costs that are over and above your original number
Post # 8
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
Cancel the wedding and elope?
Post # 9
Member
38 posts
Newbee
@bells219: The issue was HIS mother wanting the family member to have a random +1. Then when I got upset MY mom told me to just let them invite the guest and shut up about it. When I disagreed she then called me a bitch and a bridezilla.
It’s confusing, I know.
Post # 10
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
Don’t call it off! We all go through these kinds of stresses and it really does suck, but you have to just get thru them.
Post # 11
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
I’ll be a b*tch right now and say if they want more people they can pay for it and if they don’t like it then don’t come. It’s not their wedding, it’s yours. I could see bending if she has a very serious long term boyfriend even if they’re not technically “engaged” but random dates don’t really have to be included, and if you include one you include them all. You and your Fiance have to be on the same side and the same page with this, and it would be nice if your mothers were too. Talk to all three of them about how you feel, hopefully you can all come to a compromise you can all live with.
Post # 12
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
Don’t let them ruin this time for you!
I think the answer is pretty simple – no addresses, no invitations!
Post # 13
Member
38 posts
Newbee
@eagle: Really? Other people go through this too? I guess my mom calling me names hurt me more than anything, I was just trying to voice my opinion about what I felt was right. I guess because I didn’t just keep my mouth shut about it makes me a bitch….
Post # 14
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
Wedding planning is super stressful! There are always going to be bumps in the road along the way. I have gotten in numerous fights with my mother, waited forever for addresses from my Mother-In-Law, and have been called a bitch my by bm’s a few times, and I am still 5 months out so there will be tons more to come. The only advice I can give you is to just roll with the punches. If your parents don’t give you the addresses, then don’t sweat it. If they really want to invite them to the wedding then they will get you the addresses. That would also help you two keep your guest count down if you never get their addresses ;). Just remember that “they say” about 20-30% of your guest lists don’t come to the wedding. Don’t sweat the small stuff. If you are getting stressed / upset take a day or two away from wedding planning. You are in the home stretch now! Once your day is over you are going to wish you could go back and re-do it all over again. (So I have heard! :))
Post # 15
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
@Annonybee123:
Yeah, I got that it was his mom’s guest, but if your mom feels strongly enough about HIS mom inviting extra guests, so strongly that she would call her own daughter a bitch over it, then SHE needs to foot the extra cost. It’s YOUR wedding, not your mom’s.
Also, sorry you’re dealing with this, I know how disheartening it can be. 🙁
Post # 16
Member
38 posts
Newbee
@lionskitty: Exactly. Now that she is allowed to have a random +1, I had to go through and change all the other singles to have plus ones too because otherwise it would not be fair. Now our guest list is even higher 🙁
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