Post # 1
I was just wondering what signs your boyfriend gave off before he proposed? My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months, which is too soon for a proposal, but I have a feeling it may be coming. He owns his own house and car, is college educated, has a great job and is in great financial shape. He speaks in "we" terms, mentions us moving out of state, and talks about the dogs and kids "we" will have one day. We also stay in a lot more than we used to, and his "guys only" nights are virtually non-exsistant (even though he’s welcome to go out with his buddies:) Do these signs point to a future proposal? What signs do men give off when they are about to propose?
Post # 3
I think it’s really hard to tell. My husband is kind of a procrastinator and is usually pretty content with the status quo.
I was just very up front with him. Before we moved in together we had already decided we were going to eventually marry and I told him that I wouldn’t be shacking up if I didn’t think this was a permanent living arrangement. He wanted to live together before getting engaged and I was OK with that.
Eventually I was honest with him and said, "I’d really like to be engaged by Christmas." I wasn’t angry, I didn’t add "or else" to the end of it- I was just honest with what I wanted.
He did propose before Christmas (10/2/07) as I had wanted. I later asked him if he felt pressured and he said YES! Not pressured to marry me (he already knew he wanted to do that) but pressured to get his butt in gear and actually do it!
So if this is really on your mind- just have a conversation with your Boyfriend or Best Friend and ask him what his intentions are. Knowing he intends to marry you will in no way detract from the surprize and joy you will feel when he actually proposes!
Post # 4
My Fi didn’t give off any signs that it was comming. He DID talk in "we" terms but he had done that for a long long long time before the engagement occured. He actually kept making comments that lead me to believe he was never going to get married (I think he did that the throw me off). The only thing he gave away was that about a week before he proposed I did notice him looking at me with this completely different look than I had ever seen him look at me with before. I wondered if something was up.
Post # 5
My fiance and I talked about getting engaged and getting married freely and openly. We had discussed VERY early into our relationship to get engaged around Christmas time of that year. That was kind of "the plan", but he surprised me and proposed earlier than anticipated. He popped the question in October. We were only together for 8 1/2 months before we were engaged, but we have 2 year long engagement… sigh long engagements sigh. Only 9 months to go!!! 🙂
One thing I did notice was that he acted VERY differently the week or two before he proposed. He wasn’t his normal lovey self. He was acting very stressed out, but there wasn’t much stress at work, so I couldn’t figure it out. It turns out, he was stressing about me liking the ring, etc. AND he was nervous about asking me although he knew I would say yes. Once he asked me, he was all back to normal. 🙂
Good luck! I am sure it will be best for your relationship if you just talk to him about it.
Post # 6
My Fiance and I discussed it a lot… i think what got us there quicker was finding the right "stone/ring" when we didn’t really expect to. Since it was a great deal, he almost had to jump on it… but he told me he wasn’t going to… to surprise me with it later!
And he smartly proposed teh day of my dog’s birthday party.. i was so busy with the preparations of my pup’s party that i didnt’ even notice odd behavior!
Post # 7
Thanks for the advice 🙂 We haven’t talked about marriage directly and openly, mainly because I don’t want him to feel any pressure. I did that to my ex Boyfriend or Best Friend and it had the opposite effect (back then I wanted to ring and the wedding, now I realize its about so much more than that). I want him to do it on his own, but I’m not willing to wait 5 years or anything like that! All marriage talk has been indirect, like inquiring how much maternity leave I would want when I’m a mother, what engagement rings did I help my coworker pick out for his girlfriend, and what kind of wedding do I want (beach vs church, etc). He could just be feeling out what kind of woman I am, but at the same time, my guy friends said that those are clear indications that he’s thinking of something permanent.
Post # 8
My advice would be to talk to him about it. In my opinion (and I apologize in advance to those who disagree, it’s just my opinion) if the two of you cannot have an open and honest conversation about getting engaged, getting married, having a family (if you want one) then you aren’t ready to do any of those things.
As rosychicklet stated, they talked about it — she didn’t give him an ultimatum or scare him into doing it — she just spoke to him about her expectations and he had the opportunity to agree with them or to disagree with them and move on from there. I really think if you’re feeling this way and you "dont want to wait five years" then you should just try to bring it up with him. Like you said, it’s not about the ring or the party, it’s about so much more then that — if you two can discuss this and come to some sort of conclusion together — you’ll feel so much better! Good luck!
Post # 9
I think asking what kind of wedding you want is an indication that marriage is definately on his brain! But with guys, that does not always translate into immediate action. My guy started talking weddings way before I was ready, and at that time I said some things to get him to wait that probably scared him off the trail for a lot longer than I really wanted. About a week before my last birthday I was getting some pretty heavy signals from him, but then his sister got engaged just days before my BDay. He ended up proposing about 2 weeks after, I think to let her have her time, which was nice of him but a little hard on me since we had been together 4x as long as sis and her fi. I really admire rosychicklet’s way of dealing with it, I would never have been able to be so direct at the risk of giving the impression that I was just in it for the wedding, but I think the kind of pressure she used was just right.
Post # 10
Thanks again for all of your advice. Sounds like I should have a conversation with him, when then time is right, about marriage…I just really don’t want him to feel pressured. I’m not quite ready for an engagement just yet, but I do want to make sure we’re on the same page, and hey, I guess communication is the only way to ensure that huh?
I kinda got the impression that he was gaging my interest in marriage when he mentioned moving out of state and asking what kind of wedding I want. Turns out, we both have always dreamed of a beach wedding and would love to get away from the big city we live in. Do you guys think he was gaging my interest as well?
Post # 11
Hotness, I will second the ladies above about having a conversation and share my story. I started dating my now-husband when I was 24. I was old enough to know that I was dating with the aim of getting married, not just having fun. So after he and I had been together for about six months, I just told him that. I said, "I love you, and just want to tell you that I am in this with the understanding that we’re going toward marriage in the future. No pressure, I just want you to know where I’m coming from. If you feel differently I hope you’ll let me know." He told me he felt the same way. Around a year and a half we had the same conversation. I started to get a bit impatient around two years. We had started openly talking about "when we’re married," so I wanted to be engaged already! So I told him, much like rosychicklet, that I wanted to be engaged within six months. It wasn’t an ultimatum really — I just wanted him to get off his butt and do it, since we’d already basically decided we were getting married! 🙂 He eventually did, and it was great. It’s funny because now that we’re married he says the biggest mistake he made in our relationship was waiting so long to propose!
Anyways, just talk about it. You’re both adults. Neither of you is stupid – you both know marriage is on the table. So go ahead and just bring it up. If his reaction is really negative, you should probably know that now! And most likely it will be positive and you’ll both feel more secure and understand better where you’re at.
Good luck, girl! 🙂
Post # 12
My fiance and I were dating (and living together) for almost 4 years when he finally proposed… and honestly, I had no idea it was coming. About 3 years into our relationship I started mention marriage and having a family "someday" but those conversations never really went anywhere. But my fiance is also the very shy type and talking about things like that is hard for him. Honestly, I didn’t think he was quite ready to take the step into marriage, but I was willing to wait for him. When he prosposed he looked like he was going to pass out he was so nervous!
So for me, no there weren’t any warning signs. It was a total surprise!
Post # 13
Hotness, it seems pretty clear that you are in a committed relationship. The fact that your Boyfriend or Best Friend talks about your future together means he’s thinking ahead. Weddings and maternity leave are not typical small talk topics for guys. However, as one of the other posters mentioned- thinking ahead doesn’t necessarily translate into action (ie a proposal).
I really don’t think there’s any way for us to read his mind.
On our 3rd date my husband (then not even a boyfriend- just a guy I was seeing) said something along the lines of, "Someday we’ll tell our grandchildren about this!"
Do I think he was thinking (on our 3rd date), "I’m going to marry this woman, we’ll have a lovely wedding, children…"
Probably not- but as a chick at that time I was thinking, "Oh my God! He’s already thinking that far ahead?!"
I know my approach (just saying, "I want to be engaged by Christmas") was pretty forward, but that’s how I am.
You can simply ask him- "Do you think we will get married one day? How old do you want to be when you get married" Then you can gage if your time lines match up.
Or when he talks about the beach wedding he’s imagining ask, "So at this fabulous beach wedding- who’s walking down the aisle towards you when "Here Comes the Bride" starts playing?"
Post # 14
We discussed openly our thoughts about marriage and he told me last summer that we’d be married before Christmas of 2009. And he told my family and his parents too.
In the fall, he began hint dropping including doing things like this.."Hey I love that aquamarine ring..can I see it? (he then held my ring and slipped it onto his pinkie finger)..Wow, your fingers are so small? What size are you? (and I said what size).
We began discussing stones and shape and size around October. I told him my preferences, and styles, and at a dinner in December (we had dinner plans after a client social) he asked me if I’d be ok with a certain carat size and shape and did I like certain side stones.
I will know exactly what weekend that will happen (my Christmas present was our engagi-moon) because we’re planning a romantic getaway and he’s planning the rest 😉 . However I won’t know the details of the weekend. That’s his deal.
Incidentally we’ve been together for 13 months now.
As far as do I think he’s getting ready to propose? I have a different opinion on that matter. One of my best guy friends asked his gf to marry him on NYE this year. He had already given her some hints (his story mind you) and asked the same questions (what kind of ring do you want) and then he bought a magazine (bridal one) and showed her some pics and asked which ones she liked. He told me that this is a huge financial investment and that a man has to line his ducks up in a row for this. He has to know what ring she (you) wants also.
In my life rarely have I seen a man out of the blue buy a ring and ask a girl to marry him without the girl having some firm idea that it is going to happen.
Post # 15
My fiance told me when he bought the ring, although I wasn’t allowed to know what it looked like before he proposed. So I knew it was coming soon; kind of drove me nuts though waiting around knowing it was coming so then I had expectations etc. Don’t do that! Bad idea. His idea of proposing and my fairytale dreamed up version didn’t align and I wound up crying when he opened up that ring box because it wasn’t the ring I wanted, the way I wanted to be proposed to, etc. Looking back I wish I could have hoped for the least amount and then been surprised with what I did get. Oh well. So, don’t repeat my mistakes. And goodluck!
Post # 16
chicagowife, I really like the way you brought it up to your husband. That’s actually exactly the way I would like to do it- it shows that you’re mature, in control of your emotions and where your life is headed, that you can communicate, but it also did not put any pressure on him. When I bring it up to him, I plan on using wording similar to yours, because thats exactly how I feel. Thanks!!! 🙂