(Closed) When will it be about me??

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Legallyblondiebride:  I cant totally relate! Most of my BM’s have been great, but my Future Mother-In-Law (who I do love, but she drives me crazy) is making the wedding all about her. She calls me to complain about all things wedding related and she is only concerned with what she will look like that day. Whenever someone asks about my dress or hair, she jumps right in to talk about hers. She has had 8 hair trials!!! 

Try not to let your friends get you down. It is about you and when you walk down the aisle everyone will be looking at you and happy for you and your husband! 

Post # 4
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@vanilla44:  Um, holy crap. Eight hair trials??? That’s insane.

OP, don’t worry, the day will be all about you and Fiance. I agree that people maybe need to stop thinking about themselves all the dang time, but on your wedding day, you’ll be the center of attention. Nobody cares about mom’s hair or bridesmaid dress size. They’ll be looking at you. Talking to you. Congratulating you. It’ll be great.

Post # 5
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@bluewolverine:  haha yes isnt that crazy! she still hasnt even decided on one yet and I think she is getting one more this week before the wedding. Also, on Easter showed everyone the jewlrey she is wearing to wedding haha

Post # 6
Member
9672 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh my!  I can see why you’re feeling a little nuts – you are the BRIDE (the STAR) but still being put in the role of having to calm them all down!  It should be the other way around.  Anyway, you sound like an awesome and understanding friend, so that’s probably the reason they’re crying to you so much, lol. 

Post # 9
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Look, unless your BMs show up naked, all eyes will be on you. You are the bride, the coup de grace, the little death, the star of the show. You (and alright, your FI) are who everyone has come to see! 

Having said that, to assume that everyone’s attention will be on you at every moment of the wedding is nonsense, and you know it. Yes, everyone is invested in your wedding to some extent and everyone will love seeing you all decked out etc. etc. but you know everyone else has his/her own life. So even when you’re walking down the aisle and everyone’s looking at you, someone–probably many someones–will also be simultaneously thinking things like “did we leave teh garage door open?” “remember to practice my ‘game face’ for the raise negotiation Monday” and “dude, that chick in the red dress over there is seriously hot!” And yes, your friend’s Fiance might be more interested in his lady walking down the aisle as a BM–can you blame him? Some people might observe that your friend has lost weight and looks great; others might observe that your other friend looks a bit curvier than usual. But none of this means that they’re NOT going to notice you!

And by the way, the other thing I can promise you is that on the actual day, you will not give a rat’s ass if anyone is looking at you or not looking at you. You will be so focused on your Fiance and the commitment you are making that everyone else will disappear. 

Your friends are behaving like your friends. One is excited to have lost weight; the other is worried about weight gain. They’re trying to share these struggles wtih you–and wouldn’t you be excited if you knew you looked hot in your Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, or, wouldn’t you need some support if you felt like you DIDN’T look hot in your Bridesmaid or Best Man dress? These are basic feelings and it’s your job, as a friend, to support them emotionally. THe one thing that I do agree with you about is no, you don’t have to observe people’s requests regarding seating and other nonsense. If people bother you with that stuff, smile and say, “We’re still trying to put together THAT puzzle!” and change the subject. 

Post # 10
Member
1994 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Of course people are going to look at your bridal party. . . UNTIL YOU COME INTO THE ROOM & WOW THEM!!! No one is going to be focused on how much weight your Bridesmaid or Best Man has lost while you’re walking down that isle.

Remember that weddings are social events & aside from celebrating your nuptials, people will use that time to catch up.  So yes someone might tell Betty Bridesmaid how slim she looks for all of 2 seconds, but thats just small talk.  You will be the main topic of conversation for the day!

As far as the the Bridesmaid or Best Man who thinks she’s going to look fat, I think you should try to be a little sensitive to that, especially if she’s overweight.  Sometimes it’s hard to have a good time & be confident when you aren’t feeling pretty.  If she’s your friend then you should listen to her insecurities about her body image, and try to be encouraging.  I doubt she’ll let her feelings get in the way of her standing up for you on your wedding day. 

I understand wanting attention because you’re the bride, but you just have to remember that other people have things going on in their lives too. The only day that you need to be top priority is the wedding day itself.  So on the days leading up to it: be excited for the friend who lost the weight, be excited that your other Bridesmaid or Best Man has someone special in her life who wants her to know that she has his undivided attention, be understanding & supportive of your friend who is struggling with her weight.  

Post # 12
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I have 

Been to so many wedding, I must say even my own MOH’s wedding a few years ago losing weight was something we talked about…it’s a reason to get into shape like a vacation, your literally on display for people to look at when you walk down before the bride.  Yes people think about themselves but did you ever think the reason they are talking to you about it because they think you have zero issue with your weight and its ok?  I know about WHAT about ME I am the bride..Totally!  It’s about you guys but remember your not the only one on DISPLAY actually they are on DISPLAY before you are and being center of attention even for a moment makes me question my weight, hair, makeup blah blah. I think they love you and feel comfortable enough talked about their weight with you and care what they look like at your wedding means a lot.  I think you have good friends who love you an respect you.  LOTS get freaked out and crazy when knowing people will be looking at them and  judging them. 

On another  note….ok ladies I understand now lets talk about the reason were all have this dicussion…ME I am getting marriedl LOL

Post # 13
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Legallyblondiebride:  I am thinking all these ladies think yoiu have it all together and no “looks/weight” issues so its ok? LOL  In a weird way look at it as a complement. Laughing

Post # 14
Member
9672 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Otulyssa:  I was going to say the same thing!  Look it as a compliment, they love you and think you’re already perfect.  Smile

P.S.  Ever notice we are three blonde chicks?  LOL.

Post # 16
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

On the bright side, it at least sounds like everyone is getting excited and geared up for your day, even if they are doing it in a way that seems a little selfish. 

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