Post # 1
My SIL and BIL just had a baby on 1/23 (yay, I’m an aunt!). She has a C-section and is just getting out of the hospital today (1/27) and is generally still pretty tired and overwhelmed. Well, both parents are really! Both sides of their family my in-laws and her parents have relatives that decided to come visit starting yesterday and continuing into next week. So…they have three different sets of relatives (five people total) in town to visit them and the baby at the same time!
Is it just me or does this seem a little backwards? So many people all at once would be overwhelming and then no one will be around to help later, right? So I mention to the Hubs I might be overwhelmed with this situation had I just given birth and he acted like it was the most normal thing ever and that everyone was just really excited to see the baby and they should get to come whenever they wanted…regardless of what the mother wanted. Um, what?!?
So, to the ladies who have had babies or will have babies on here…how did you or will you coordinate family visits post-birth? Do you think an all-at-once approach is workable or did you prefer alone time at the beginning? Your thoughts on staggering family visits?
How will you balance your own needs and wants with family members who are excited to meet your new baby?
Post # 3
After I had my younger daughter, my family and my ex’s family treated it like a damn family reunion. They all felt like they had the right to be there when they wanted. I really wish my stupid ex would have stood up for me and started kicking people out bc it is very overwhelming. Definitely try to have people come at different times, even if it means inevitably offending someone. I remember my ex’s mom just walking in with her friends to show off the baby. So frustrating.
My husband and I have already talked about this and he’s putting my foot down for me when the time comes.
Post # 4
I don’t know yet. There WILL be a line. But my SIL had the entire world over to see her new kids. I felt WRONG going over when baby was day 4. Like “why am i even here?”. She had had an episiotomy and as much as I loved her, she looked so uncomfortable and tired. I’ve never seen her like that. But I coudln’t *not* go see her, that’d be crazy to them! But if I looked and felt like her (she could barely sit), I wouldn’t want a soul near me.
My mom is very adamant that I should go home and nobody should come for 2 weeks, paw all over the baby, and breathe on her and stuff except for grandmas, grandpas, and parents.She wants to move in for 2 weeks and help me out. She thinks it’s horrid how everyone was over there with my SIL. To be fair, EVERYONE was over there, aunts, uncles, etc. And I’m not ok with *everyone under the sun* coming over. And that baby shouldn’t leave the house for a month. I need to do my own research, not listen to her paranoia.
I know it’s excciting and all, but I feel like there is also an invasion of the new mom and dad’s time to the point that you can overwhelm them. Some people can be selfish–“I wanna see the baby” versus thinking about how THEIR trip affects the new family.
Also, I don’t want to feel like a tiger at the zoo. Some space please
Post # 5
We already have post-delivery visiting schedule worked out with our families. 🙂 My main concern is that my husband works long hours in the summer (baby’s due in June) and I will need someone else to be around and help out until I go back to work (3 months post-partum).
1. When I go into labor, my mom (and possibly my dad) will come up to watch the house and the dogs. We don’t want anyone at the hospital, but she (or they) will stay for the first day or two after we get out of the hospital.
2. The first two weeks after that will be just me and my husband and the new baby. My husband works long hours in the summer, and we really see this time as “family bonding.” Our families have agreed to give us this private time to adjust to our new roles.
3. When my husband goes back to work, my mom and dad will come back up. They’ll stay and help out until the baptism (1 or 2 weeks), and then go back home.
4. My in-laws, sisters, and the rest of the family will come up for the baptism (when the baby is 3-5 weeks old). Everyone can see the baby, but they’ll all probably only be here for a day or two. My in-laws will stay after the baptism for 2 weeks to help out.
5. My mom and sister (or sisters) will come back up for another 2 weeks after my in-laws leave. My dad might come up for the weekends. I think we’ll try to rotate everyone around so there’s only one or two people at our house at a time. I can’t take all of them together for that long!
6. Sometime in here I’ll go back to my parents house for a week or so to show off the baby to family friends and have a baby shower. My husband probably won’t be able to come.
6. We’ll have the nanny move in and start 2 or 3 weeks before I go back to work. This will just give us (i.e. me) a little adjustment period before I start working full-time again.
Post # 6
Ack, no. When I had my daughter, I had *only* my mom come and visit right after the birth, and she stayed for a couple of days (my father is deceased). Then my in-laws came to visit about a week later, and they stayed for three weeks. And honestly, that was entirely too long. You’re exhausted, you’re trying to adjust to feeding and sleep deprivation and being a new mom, and if you had a c-section, that’s even harder. I didn’t have a c, but I did have stitches to contend with – and my daughter did not want to feed properly either. I just wanted everyone (except my mom) to LEAVE. It’s understandable that people want to see the little one, but there’s not a whole lot to do with a brand new baby, either. A couple of nights, max, In My Humble Opinion.
Post # 7
I am pretty sure it will be our parents and some if not all of our siblings present in the hospital for the birth. Definitely not in the birthing room during the delivery though.
I am OK with our parents (my Father-In-Law lives with us) and our siblings to come and see the baby early on. It’s the aunts, uncles, cousins and friends that I would like to have spaced out. They can wait to see the baby, as far as I am concerned.
Post # 8
When my first few nieces/nephews were born, I visited my brothers and their wives as soon as the first weekend after the birth. I was in college and just excited to see my niece/nephew. I was the only “sister” anyone had at the time. (I’m the only girl in my family and my SILs didn’t have any sisters) I was really close to them at the time and I helped out while I was there but now, looking back, I wonder if they didn’t want me there. I dunno, maybe I’m being paranoid.
When I have kids, I’m cool with parents and siblings being at the hospital, but not in the delivery room. Once we get home, anyone is welcome, as long as they don’t judge me for having a messy house! I really don’t have to worry about a lot of extended family though. All of my aunts/uncles/cousins live 3000+ miles away. Hubby’s family lives closeby but he only has one aunt/uncle.
Post # 9
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
No kids yet, but I know that I’ll be one of those people going “Get out of my house!! I want to be alone!” Luckily, my immediate family all lives very close, so if people want to come visit, they can visit for a few hours, then leave. No more than that! I definitely DON’T want anyone staying with us at all!
I think that I probably would like to say to everyone that I don’t want any visitors for at least a week or so, so that I can start feeling better and spend some quality one on one time with the baby.
Post # 10
I have been adamant that no one be at the hospital besides my DH! I can’t imagine going through all that with anyone else present…it seems way too intimate!
Our families are not allowed to “just come over” baby or not, so they knew to ask what we wanted when we told them we are expecting. My parents have to schedule around holidays since they don’t have vacation time to spare, but his dad doesn’t have to. Neither of our families have any money right now so we’re not worried about them just dropping in without asking. Sadly, I don’t think we’ll have a problem of people visiting. We’ll have to tour the US in the next year for anyone to see the baby, since our brothers and sisters don’t have the money to come see the baby.
Post # 11
Let me just tell you I am SO happy I picked a doc that delivers at a different hospital then the one hubby works at! I would NOT want all his co-workers coming to vist the day-of and after birth! I don’t even know most of them 🙂
We don’t have any family local and I’m pretty sure my mom would be the only one coming to visit for weeks at a time. My brother set the standard of not having (overnight) visitors for the first two weeks so they had time to adjust and grow into their own schedule – make their own decisions etc. I think I’ll continue this. So two weeks on our own and then my mom will probably come for a week or two.
I don’t want anyone at the hospital/in the room except my hubby and my doula. I’m not sure I even want friends to visit the day of. Maybe a very select few.
I think I might even like a day or two at home on our own before just *anyone* can drop in and meet the little one 🙂 We’ll see though!
Post # 12
My mother in law came to stay with me for about 4 days after I gave birth, which was very comforting. Then it was just me and my ex-husband and honestly it was a little lonely. At the time I remember being a little peeved that people were giving us “space” and not coming over to visit. I think as long as people keep the visits short, then I wouldn’t mind them stopping by.
Post # 13
Wow, I just saw my sil go through this. Her and my bil actually live with his mom (mil) and there was a whole crew of folks that camped out at her house for a few days after the baby was born (they live a few hours away). I guess the day sil went into labor a call went out to long lost family members and one of mil’s sisters drove all the way from california with her three teenage kids to visit the new baby. My husband was there as well… and then all his other brothers and sisters and their families. Apparently people were sleeping on the living room floor because there was no where else to sleep… and mil’s house is tiny. oh my god, just the thought of it makes my blood pressure rise. I’m so glad I wasn’t there. I guess everyone was just tossing the baby around and finally when someone passed it to my husband he looked at sil and she had tears in her eyes, he handed the baby off to her and she was just so thankful, all she wanted was to be alone with her new daughter.
I’ve made it pretty clear to my husband that I don’t want this happening when our son is born. My family lives on the east coast and I’m sure they will come when I ask them to… his family is another story. He’s going to have to put his foot down otherwise we will be bombarded. I’ve told him I want absolutely NO visitors for atleast the first 72 hours, after that we’ll play it by ear.
Post # 14
I’ve heard of people going on a babymoon, where parents and baby hang out at home alone for a week or two, getting used to each other. I think the idea is genius; aside from grandparents and siblings, I wouldn’t want anyone else around as we adjusted.
My sister plans on having immediate family at the hospital. Which is still like 15 people. Not sure how she’ll handle visits after the delivery, though.
Post # 15
My coworker just had a baby and he had it all planned out. Each family member had a week with the mom, dad and baby. There were only a few days of overlap. Then the mom could get her rest while the visiting relative watched the baby and took care of things around the house.
If I could get my siblings and parents and his parents to do that, I would love it.
It probably is overwhelming if everyone came at the same time. Plus uncomfortable, where would everyone sleep?