Post # 1
I’m just wondering what everyone else does in situations like this. There were two weddings last year that I was not able to attend- a coworker’s and a friend from college. I sent both a card with money inside of it. When you can’t attend a wedding, do you do the same?
This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by citysparkle.
Post # 2
I’ll always send a card at a minimum and I’ll include a gift if I can afford it. At our wedding, I think everyone who couldn’t make it sent us a card or gift.
Post # 4
I always send a card with money if I can’t attend the wedding (the same with a shower, if I can’t attend I still send a gift). Not that it’s required but I just think it’s a nice thing to do.
Post # 6
Gift-giving properly has no connection whatsoever to party-attendance. If you allow that connection to creep into your mindset, you start thinking of gifts as being your admission-fee to the event, which cheapens all the virtuous hospitality your hostess has offered you and turns the whole host-and-guest relationship into a tawdry commercial transaction. Go down that road, and you will find yourself calling up your hostess to ask about her catering costs so that you can “cover your plate.” Shudder.
Your hostess has invited you because she values you as a friend. Period. Definately NOT because she wants to extort a gift from you. You give a gift because you value the couple and want to celebrate their marriage. Period. Definately not because you feel obligated because you are attending a party at their expense.
Give a gift or not, depending on whether you love the couple enough to want to bestow a gift; and if you do give a gift, have it sent to their home so that you do not look like you are buying your way into the party with a festively wrapped mixmaster.
Post # 7
citysparkle: I guess etiquette would be yes, but for me, it depends on who it is.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
Usually. If it’s a wedding I genuinely wanted to attend, I’ll send a hand-written letter and a nice gift. If it’s just some rando (former college dorm member, fifth cousin twice removed, husband’s coworker from another department) we’ll pick something cheap off the registry as a gesture.
Post # 9
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. I once sent a text to a friend that said something along the lines of “can you send me your address again? I’m sorry I haven’t sent your gift. My mother was just diagnosed with cancer and we’ve been really busy with doctors.” She sent her address and nothing else. I did not send the gift.
A wedding invitation isn’t a bill. If you don’t attend, send well wishes and no one can fault you for that. I’ll be uncomfortable if the people who decline to attend send money, especially where there are a few courtesy invites being sent to family who are too elderly to travel. My intentions in sending them an invitation is not to receive a gift. I just want them to feel like part of a big event in my life even if they aren’t able to attend. Heck, I’ll be uncomfortable with gifts from attendees, but social protocol seems to involve uncomfortable gifts for weddings.
Post # 10
citysparkle: I usually always send a card with either a gift card or cash in it.
Post # 11
For me it depends entirely on my relationship with the person. If it is someone who I am close to and can’t attend for some extenuating circumstance, I will always send something. If it’s some random distant family member that likely only invited me out of obligation- I just send my best wishes.
Post # 12
citysparkle: for me it really depends on who it is. In my younger years I never did. as I’ve gotten older I’ve made sure to at least send a card. For family and good friends I send a gift. For people I don’t really know that well, usually just a card.
Post # 13
I’ll send a card, at the very least. If I’m close to the person (friend, close family member) and can afford it, I send a gift – sometimes a check, sometimes a gift from their registry.
Post # 14
citysparkle: Honestly when I was younger and didn’t really know proper etiquette was, I didn’t think twice about not sending something if I wasn’t attending or I would only give them a shower present and not a wedding gift.
Now that I have been married myself, I realize how much this stands out. We didn’t get gifts from some people that didn’t attend. Some of them were really close friends, some of them weren’t. We didn’t take it personal, but we def. noticed. Even if you don’t think of this person as a close friend, find something for $25 or send them a gift card. Although you are not obligated and an invite is not a request for a gift, it will go a long way in their eyes.
Post # 15
I usually still send a gift from the registry. If we’re close enough to be invited to the weddng, we’re close enough that I want to send a gift to say congratulations. 🙂