(Closed) when you confess, is priest silent or he makes comments?

posted 6 years ago in Catholic
Post # 4
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@newname_99:  I have had both types of confessional experiences. I have only been a few times in my life. The first time they were silent then gave me penance. But then right before I got confirmed when I was 16, the priest and I had a dialogue. I think it depends on the parish, the priest, and the situation. I don’t think he should have chastized your husband for premarital sex or what have you. They aren’t supposed to judge you, but listen. ๐Ÿ™‚ Sorry that happened to him. 

Post # 5
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It really depends on the priest. They each have their own style and approach to the job.  I no longer practice but when i was a practicing catholic, I got to know the priests in my parish and how they each handled confessions, and would specifically pick which priest to go to.  Many churches have multiple priests hearing confession at the same time and will put a little sign on the confessional showing which priest is in which confessional. You just line up for the priest you like better. Sometimes churches will publish that in their church bulletin.

There’s no right way for the priest to do it and some catholics prefer a priest who gives a lot of feedback while others prefer more quiet time. Just a matter of finding your own style and picking the priest that matches.

Also try to keep an open mind, because the confessional can be a really awkward place to be, and what sounds like chastising might be much less harsh, and just amplified by the whole setting. Some parishes make face-to-face confession an option, just for that reason. It’s less intimidating than sitting in the dark in a tiny little space talking to “the man behind the curtain.”  Not saying some priests aren’t harsh— some really are– just saying sometimes it’s the setting and not the message.

Post # 6
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

It depends on the priest. I was on a traveling retreat team for a year, so I confessed once a week in a different city all over the country and sometimes they’d say nothing at all and sometimes it was like a counseling session. Because I grew up and was very involved at my home parish where we only had one priest, I knew him well and was used to him getting ALL up in my business during confession so that’s what I personally prefer. ๐Ÿ™‚ I don’t like when they don’t say anything. I’m over here pouring my heart out and you just say “Say 3 Hail Marys”? Psssssh. ๐Ÿ˜›

Post # 8
Member
5242 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@newname_99: I’m catholic but I no longer practice..each time I confessed they didnt say anything until the end when they tell you what prayers to say. I always thought it was a strange pracetice to do confession and only did it when I was younger cause my school made us. Too bad he was such an unhappy preist at your ceremony….how did your wedding go otherwise? Any pictures yet? I remembered you were having a destination wedding also ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@newname_99:  It depends on the priest and when you’re going to confession. Priests are pretty busy with extra confessions during advent and lent.  If those are the only time a Catholic goes to confession, their experience will be a very rushed experience. 

There are two reasons, though, a priest will talk to you in the confessional.  First, the priest sees cause to believe you are making a bad confession.  By bad confession, I mean that you are going through the form of the sacrament without valid contrition.  To receive the sacrament, you have to have a firm resolve to avoid sin in the future.  While the nature of habitual sin is well understood, you have to take action against choosing to sin in the future.  There have been times I’ve waited an extra week to go to confession because I was struggling with contrition.

The second part may be spiritual direction.  So I mentioned that there was a time where I would wait a week to go because I didn’t feel I was contrite enough. By bringing up my issues with contrition in the confessional, I’ve been able to get guidence in balancing between the extremes of complete indifference to sin and scruplocity. 

I can understand the discomfort, completely, though.  My biggest issue as a child was that I’d get so nervous, I couldn’t remember my sins when I got into the confessional.  I’d just choke up and not know what to say.  Even doing it slightly different than I was used to made me anxious. 

Post # 11
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MexiPino:  I don’t like when they don’t say anything. I’m over here pouring my heart out and you just say “Say 3 Hail Marys”? Psssssh. ๐Ÿ˜›

LOL I’ve never been to confession, but I feel like I’d want someone chatty. Not chastising, but I’m coming to you for spiritual guidance, help a girl out!

Post # 12
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

It depends on the priest and your age I think.  I mean his own priest, if he’s a regular conffessor should have been chastising for these things already. If your familiar to the priest thats a whole other thing, they know you they are comfortable with you and you with them.  It’s very private thing so some priests are very quiet and concentrating.

My dad was a Brother, and taught in catholic schools so I have the added benefit of his knowledge.

The last time I went, it was more like a conversation.  I always get nervous I think alot of people do lol.   I think if you have the screen up it’s easier for them to comment as you go along, if your just in the room with them, they nod and things. 

 

Post # 13
Member
5242 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@newname_99:  I cant wait to see pictures!!! At least you had a great time and thats all that matters. Thanks so much…my wedding is quickly coming up and I have so much to do!

Post # 14
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Mostly when I go to confession he gasps LOL

 

 

Post # 15
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I  go every couple months, and all my priests either make comments during or after I’m done talking. Anything from helpful Bible quotations about those sins, questions about circumstances, comments to clarify any questions I have. And yes, often, they do confirm, “Yes, that is a sin you should avoid. Here’s why and how you can get better at that…” I like the feedback, honestly. They’ve never made me feel judged, even so; confession isn’t really the place where you should tell someone, “Oh, that’s ok, I’m sure you’re still a nice person.” It’s a place where you try to genuinely look at the things you have done wrong and that YOU want to change about YOUR behavior and attitudes. 

Post # 16
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@vorpalette:  EXACTLY. I think I got spoiled because my priest knew me growing up (like, I worked part time at the parish starting in high school) so he had more insight than just the “sin” I was telling him. I’ve gone for spiritual direction and realized that’s essentially what Fr. J was doing in confession. I really should find another director. It’s so hard to find someone you click with!

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