(Closed) When you don’t agree with a wedding in the family..

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

Unless there is serious issues for not wanting the wedding to happen (such as abuse, etc.), then I say keep your mouth shut.

Why dont you want your family member to get married?

Post # 4
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

You think about your loved one and if they’re happy, you attend and be happy for them.  They may be making a mistake, but they need to come to that realization on their own.  

Unless there’s something that you know that they don’t, or some really serious matter at hand, I’d suggest leiting it go forward and try to be supportive of your loved one.  It’s their choice.  The most important thing is to be there for them.

Some people realize they made a mistake despite warnings from family members, but I’ve hardly heard of anyone stopping a wedding and being thanked for it.  Mostly it just causes a rift in the family.

Post # 5
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think that some siblings tend to have a difficult time being ready for their brother/sister to get married.  It can be a maturing process and a letting go process on some level, and for some it seems really, really difficult to accept.  Is it more a feeling of just not wanting things to change and wanting your family unit to always be the same that you’re dealing with?  Please be easy on your sibling and don’t make things tough for them even if it is difficult for you to be happy for them, your choice to rejoice with them will mean a lot.  

Post # 6
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My step brother is planning to propose to a girl I can’t stand. She’s abrasive, materialistic, immature, entitled, arrogant, manipulative, rude, and we’re pretty sure she is only with him because of my dad’s $. Also, they fight all the time. It is not my place to tell him that I dont like her unless he asks. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors, and she may be a lot better for him than we think.

Unless your family member asks for your opinion or tells you they aren’t sure, just be happy for them and try to understand and support their decision.

Post # 7
Member
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

I don’t have an experience to share with you regarding a wedding but I do know that I have felt strongly about some of my brother’s girlfriends.  I tend to speak my mind and am very opinionated, but there’s a time and a place for that.  It isn’t always welcome and it isn’t always proper, or even polite.  Just because I don’t like one of my brother’s girlfriends doesn’t mean I should tell him or call out all her faults in front of him.  He is his own person and he has to make decisions on his own.  I try to put myself in the other person’s shoes.  Would I want my brother telling me that I’m making a terrible decision by marrying FI?  No.  I would want nothing but support and happiness from my brother.  I may be going out on a limb here since I don’t know your family dynamics, but I’m going to guess that your sibling would appreciate the same from you.

 

Post # 8
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would keep my mouth shut to their faces for sure and try to limit any comment or venting about the rudeness, etc of the person to myself or my FH who would never tell anyone I said that and probably would agree with me. 

 I agree that unless there’s abuse or something drastic that could hurt your family member…. most of us will have to put up with annoying family members who may be loud, rude, arrogant and selfish. (My Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law are all of the above) Do I hang out with them? No. Do I have high hopes for their marriage? No. But I do keep my mouth shut and pray to God they don’t kill each other. Or have children who will turn out just like them. 

Post # 9
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t have any real advice for you other than – if he or she is really a bad person – keep hoping/praying for your sibling to realize this before the wedding day.   I just went through this with family – sounds like a very similar experienc to @MissBananaBread: ‘s.  The wedding was called off at the VERY last minute – much to the relief of most of my family.  If its just a personality thing – ehh – unfortunately you have to get over it…

Post # 10
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’ve been through this with my brother.

Honestly, the only thing to do is to act supportive and keep your opinion quiet. Being really outspoken against it is only going to push that family member away.

Post # 11
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I didnt like who my older sister married. everyone knew she married him only because he showed interest and it was really sad to me that she settled like that. She was lonely at the time because she was living with a family member and got kicked out, he is a total bum and she works while he sits on his butt.

I wrote her a letter before the wedding but nothing came of it. Now that I look back on it I wish I kept my mouth shut but at the time I was like 16 so didn’t know any better.

Its better to let them realize their own mistake because if you say something in the wrong way you might burn a bridge you dont want to burn.

Post # 12
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am one of those people with an unsupportive family who let me know it. I get it from both sides. I still remember the terrible things they said to me about me and my FH and where we were when we heard these things. It didn’t break us apart, it just makes me sad.

The best thing you can do it to encourage the family members to take time to plan the wedding, go to couples counseling/pre marital counseling, take time to make sure they really know the other person and understand that marriage is a big commitment. This way even if you don’t like the girlfriend/boyfriend/fiance, you can be sure that they understnad what they are getting into.

Post # 13
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yeah…keep your mouth shut. It’s not your place, unless they’re in danger or you know they’ve been cheating or something like that. You find a way to appreciate and be cordial to the new family memeber. 

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