(Closed) When you don't have kids and your friends do…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ugh, that’s obnoxious.  Is it possible that you’re coming across as bragging about the things you’re accomplishing?  I’m not at all saying that’s the case, but that’s the ONLY reason I can think of for remarks like that.

Otherwise, I’d just smile and say “I’m sure you’re right.”

Post # 4
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wow, obnoxious is the right word.  Honestly it sounds like they’re not very happy with their situations, and envious of your child-free life.  I agree with PP, at first, I’d just smile and say I’m sure.  If they press it, I’d ask them if they remember being child-free, and that their lives might have been just as full and busy.

Post # 5
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m 36 and have been TTC for a long time.  Darling Husband and I get that all the time from our friends who don’t get travel here like we do…we’re overseas.  It bothers me b/c I lived overseas as a kid and my parents traveled all the time. 

The hardest part for us is that we tend to be excluded from our friends’ family activities b/c we are THAT couple.  We jump on the motorcycle on a Saturday morning and just drive wherever we want.  Stay up late all the time, sleep in on the weekends, etc.

From what I’ve experienced, some people with kids are overwhelmed and a bit jealous (DH’s coworkers tell him all the time) of our “freedom.”  I just usually say “well I want kids but it’s not always in the cards so YOU are the lucky one.”  I’ve never had anyone argue that with me. 

Post # 6
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If you figure out something to say, please let me know – I get those types of comments quite often. My favorite one was when I posted on facebook something about being super happy about passing one part of my cpa tests. I got a comment from a relatively new mother that was something like “Wait until you have kids – then you’ll REALLY know what happiness is.” Um…ok?

Post # 9
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@mightywombat:  Hah I don’t know! Though to be fair, the vast majority of my friends with kids are great and nothing like this. It’s the same 5 or 6 couples that seem to always have these attitudes and little comments.

Post # 11
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My favorite response to catty friend’s baby stories (the ones where they one-up me), I tell them my dog does that too.

Post # 12
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I know exactly what you are talking about….I feel like most of our friendships are based on if the couple has kids or not.  We know of 1 couple here who doesn’t (he has kids in the states) so we hang out with them more.  The wife desperately wants kids but he had the snip treatment with his ex so that’s not really a possiblity for them.   

It has really gotten to the point that we TRY to hang out with people with kids but do a majority of things on our own….it sucks b/c everyone we know complains about having kids but we are so wanting one of our own.  I try to stay away from the negativity.   

Post # 13
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

See now, I have kids of my own and I never say these kinds of things to people. 

I’m a complete smartass to my friends.  If I didn’t have kids and someone said that to me, I’d come back with “Well, that’s your fault for having kids!” 😉

Post # 15
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I never say stuff like this to my friends. However, sometimes, when I have a friend who is complaining about how hard it is to get stuff done costantly (obviously, I’m a friend- so I’m here for a vent or two), it does start to get a little frustrating, and I *am* tempted to remind them that we all struggle. Especially when I was a new, single mom on NO sleep. It seemed a little…I dunno…insensitive when people would be constantly complaining to me about how busy/tired they were. I’m not saying it’s your fault (because it’s not), but maybe just save your complaints about how busy you are for friendless kids 🙂

ETA: I’m totally not saying you’re not busy or that you should never complain. Just saying that it’s sometimes hard not to respond the way your friends seem to, and that it can probably be avoided with a little filtering (on both ends!).

Post # 16
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@misspeanut:  What a terrible thing for that person to say! I hate when smug new parents rain on your “child free event’s” parade! UGH! 

Let me say: Congratulations on passing your CPA!!

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