(Closed) When you don't like a friend of your SO's…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Tell him that you don’t like her. 

Plain and simple– you don’t mind their friendship, but you don’t want to be around her.  There’s nothing wrong with your feelings, and all 3 of you will be happier if you’re just open and honest about it. 

I had to deal with this for a while too.  When my husband and I first got together I was living with my best friend. He hates her as a result of some stupid drama that happened when they were teenagers (small town) and wants nothing to do with her.  So, when we get together, we never go to my house, we meet at her’s or at a neutral place, and I don’t invite her to events that my husband will be at.  I’d like him to get over it because to me it’s a childish reason to dislike someone, and I’ve reminded him on many occasions that he’s not the same person he was when he was 18, and neither is she; but at the same time I respect his feelings and schedule our outings accordingly. 

Post # 4
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t know, but I have a similar situation so I’ll be watching this thread. 🙁 I feel your pain.

Post # 5
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

Eh, this situation sucks. I have a similar one– luckily, we moved far, far away. However, when we go “home,” she’s there, and I tend to play nice. Or our schedule is so busy that there’s no time for her (aw, too bad!). I’m the same– it’s not jealousy, I just don’t like her at all and can’t imagine why Darling Husband is friends with her.

I think you just have to be honest. Tell him it’s okay for them to hang out, but you don’t want to hear about it. She just rubs you the wrong way and would prefer not to be involved with her. He should respect that you’re being honest and you’re not trying to stop him from seeing her (you’re a good woman).

Post # 6
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Not everyone is going to like everyone or enjoy their company; that’s just human nature. I would simply let my SO know that “I’m sure Sheila is a good-hearted person but her personality and mine just don’t mesh, so if it’s OK with you, I’d prefer not to join you when you go to (lunch, coffee, movie, whatever).”  Don’t go into great detail over her personality flaws; your SO is still her friend and values her friendship, and I would expect any upstanding person to stand up for their friends if someone else is trashing them in a conversation. So don’t put your SO in the position where he feels he has to defend her.  Let him have a chance to visit with her when you are all in the same city, and if you don’t make a big deal of it, chances are, he won’t either.  He’ll also know that Sheila isn’t your cup of tea and will most likely not over-plan with her.

 

Post # 7
Member
9719 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Mrs. Gremmlin:  I agree with this.

Post # 9
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Then tell him that.  You can put it nicely – “Great that you’re getting lunch, just please don’t be tempted to bring her to our place.  I really don’t want people seeing it when it’s a mess and I could use some decompression time alone tonight” etc.

Post # 10
Member
9719 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@OneOfTheseDaysAlice:   Text him a quick message to say just that – please don’t bring her home because I didn’t clean up (or something like that).  Maybe you can nip it in the bud before he even thinks about bringing her over and you won’t have to deal with it.

Post # 11
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You come here and bitch about it, that’s what!  If you’re not threatened by her, I’d let it go.  I’m sure he knows how you feel about her, but I get the sense that you wouldn’t ever dictate or attempt to control who he sees.

ETA:  Just saw your last post.  I’d just let him know you’re not in the mood for guests.  “Hey, not really feeling up to having people over.  Do you mind not bringing Bitchface to the apartment?”

Post # 12
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

@OneOfTheseDaysAlice:  So, for this instance, text him a bit before you leave that you have headache and are really looking forward to taking a nice shower/bath when you get home and relaxing with him. …then in a few days, tell him your feelings about the friend so you can be face to face for that discussion, but you also don’t have to deal with her today. And you’re not a heartless bitch 🙂 I’m the same way about being prepared for guests.

Post # 13
Member
9719 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Mars62312:  You come here and bitch about it, that’s what! 

Haha!  That’s awesome.  😉

Post # 14
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@OneOfTheseDaysAlice:  My SO does that stuff. The more the merrier! But then doesn’t think at all that the girl he is bringing over is totally head over heels for him, and I end up the third wheel because he has to cater to her since she is the guest. ECK. This happened once to me. One time. I ended it there. Never, ever, again.

Post # 16
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Just be straight forward with him, after this “lunch” is over.

The topic ‘When you don't like a friend of your SO's…’ is closed to new replies.

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