(Closed) When you Fiance calls you by his ex name a week before our wedding day?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Okay, if it were just one time, I was ready to tell you that stress affects the brain in strange ways and sometimes we revert back subconsciously to other stressful times (like a breakup with an ex).

But FIVE times?  Do you think that he is truly over her?  Did this happen before you got engaged that you can recall?

I would approach it as a concern for his happiness and not just get furious with him.  It’s not like he’s doing this to hurt your feelings on purpose, so try to remember that when you talk to him.

Post # 3
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

riirii:  at first, i was going to tell you to try and take it easy on him because i once called a boyfriend by an ex’s name on accident and cannot tell you why that popped out like that! i hadn’t thought about the ex in forever and had NO feelings for him anymore, so i know from experience that it can be a meaningless weird brain hiccup.

HOWEVER, five times? that’s a little strange…how does he react when he realizes he’s called you her name? 

Post # 4
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee

Are your name and her name similar? Was he engaged or married to her? Sometimes events like weddings and calling someone by a new title (wife, Mrs.) can mess with a person’s brain, causing them to get names, places, dates, and previous titles mixed up.

I don’t know if there’s something more going on with him, but I do think this could just be a case of the event and upcoming changes getting him a bit mixed up. 

Post # 5
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Is this the only issue in your relationship? It sounds like you’re overreacting unless there’s more to the story. Do you have other reasons to believe he’s secretly in love with his ex, or wants to be with her instead of you? Have you talked to him about these slip ups? If they have a child together, she’s obviously still in his life to some degree, so perhaps she’s on his mind for that reason. It could mean something or it could mean nothing, but without talking to him you can’t know what’s going on in his head. 

Post # 6
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

maybe they have been talking more recently about their child together? Maybe after so many years he was only ever used to saying her name in relation to weddings and now his vocabulary is having a hard time adjusting. Maybe he does secretly have feelings for her.

you wont know until you ask. Dont accuse him of anything and just approach the conversation calmly.

I called my husband by my exes name once when we first started dating. I was talking real quickly and the word “will” was in the same sentence and that was also my exes name so it just kinda blurred and I didn’t even realize I’d said it. My husband did and was upset for a few minutes but it never happened again. I have 0 interest in my ex, even when I said it. I just got all jumbled

Post # 7
Member
2341 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

riirii:  I totally understand your fears but let me confess that I have called my now husband by by ex-husband’s name occasionally over the years. Luckily it doesn’t upset him beyond an eye-roll. I can assure you that I have no feelings toward my ex (well not positive ones) and barely think of him even though we share children. It is just a really, really unfortunate brain-fart. I also call my children each others’ names or the dog’s name on a regular basis before getting to the name I actually chose for them, I only have two children so there is no excuse.  

Unless there are other red flags, try not to get too upset. His anxiety about not saying her name, is probably making it worse. I understand it’s horrible for you but he really can’t help it. Hope it gets better soon. 

Post # 8
Member
3291 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve done this before, my SO has done it before.  Stress can do weurd things to people.

Post # 9
Member
774 posts
Busy bee

riirii:  It sounds like you need to calmly sit down and ask him a few questions, specifically about how much contact he is currently having with his ex. Frequently getting names confused is normal when you are frequently in contact with both people, but if they supposedly only talk once a month about their child in common only or something like that, I would be suspicious that he might be meeting with her more often or at least thinking about her more these days. Was he previously engaged to her? That might be stirring up old feelings.

Post # 10
Member
7413 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

He is most likely having brain farts, which tend to be more frequent when you are tired or under stress. No matter how excited he is to be marrying you, it is stressful planning a wedding, period. So him being under stress before y’all get married is no big deal. And neither is an occasional brain fart. My mom used to make one big mashup of my name and all my sisters’ names because she’d have brain farts too.  It is really no big deal. Don’t make it into one.  Next time he calls you by his ex’s name, you call him Johnny Depp.

Post # 11
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

 

riirii:  eh…. I don’t know. I have called SO by my ex’s name in my sleep. Like I rolled over and cuddled up next to him and then called him my ex’s name lol. I have no memory of it but he says it happened. I also have on occasion (especially when annoyed) been like ” omg ex stop it!” and immediately caught myself. It’s odd. I can assure you I have no left over feelings for my ex. I don’t want him in any way. It’s just an odd thing that happens. And yes it’s happened more than once. A couple of times in one week. But over all it’s just a slip up on my part. Kind of how I’ll call my son my dog’s name on accident or I say the wrong name fo rone of my sisters. My ex was around for the majority of a decade and so sometimes it just pops up on accident. I wouldn’t look too much into it unless there are other red flags. does he talk to her outside of when it concerns their son? has he ever shown other signs of having feelings for her?

Post # 12
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Unless it happens a lot, I wouldn’t worry. I’ve accidentally called my husband by my ex-husband’s name. It happens. 

Post # 13
Member
788 posts
Busy bee

riirii:  He was with her for SIX years? I would maybe have a bit of a reaction to it right when it happened…but really I don’t see it as a big deal.

I have a very small family and I get called the wrong name (either a sister, cousin or aunts name) ALL the time. I would shake this off if I were you. Nothing to call a wedding off for.

Post # 14
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Historic Chapel

riirii:  My normal reaction would be to think there is something fishy. However you did mention they have a child together, which most mean they have to see and talk to eachother for the sake of the kid right? So maybe he has been dealing with her lately more than usual? My Fiance called me by his ex’s name once, and he hadn’t seen her in 5 years, it just popped out of his mouth. I did warn him not to call me that again because it makes me furious, it hasn’t happen since. Have you talked to him regarding this incidents? Unless you have some serious concerns about him having feelings for her I wouldn’t call of the wedding because of these incidents. 

Post # 15
Member
3529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

riirii:  For whatever reason, the longer I’ve been with my Fiance, the more I have to stop my ex’s name from popping out!  I don’t know if it’s just the familiarity of it or what.  And for what it’s worth, I feel awful about it 🙁

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