When you get ghosted by your MOH…-_-

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1118 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

She should definitely not be given more things to do if you know you have a hard time understanding each other, know she’s unreliable, and know she takes on projectS all at once.

If you really value her, just let her be your Maid of Honor who stands with you during the ceremony. Do you have other people who could help you with all of said duties? She also sounds depressed, maybe even insecure that you’re getting married.

Post # 4
Member
1118 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

View original reply
honey11 :  Yeah, I understand. But she’s not receptive. She’s just fooling herself if she thinks she can handle all this stuff when, for whatever reason, she absuptly says worrying things like how she “should be alone right now.” If she won’t talk to you about what’s going on, you can’t make her be more connected, but you can take away responsibilities that are important to an event bigger than she is.

Maybe don’t exclude her from everything, but give her just one or two things. If she wants to be a consistent friend, she has to show you that. This just might be a bad time for her while she tries to make everyone else around her think nothing’s wrong.

Post # 5
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee

To be blunt, what I see is someone who wants to let the friendship go but does not know how to go about it. Maybe she feels that it is time for both of you to move on but is having difficulty in conveying this and does not want to hurt you. She sounds apathetic and ambivalent.

You have let her know that you are there for her always but IMO it may be time to listen to what she seems to be trying to say. Maybe she does want to be let out of being the Maid/Matron of Honor and it is time that you find another person who is willing to be there for you with some enthusiasm.

You have been kind and left the door open. If she wants to keep up with the friendship she will let you know with her actions.

Post # 6
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I’m slightly concerned she might be depressed, a common side effect of depression is pushing loved ones away. “I should be alone” sounds like she is isolating herself to avoid admitting what’s up  or even because she’s potentially feeling low and insecure. Can you talk to her bf to check in on her?

Post # 7
Member
13891 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

She sounds like she’s done with the friendship but doesn’t want to say it.  

Post # 10
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

Is she married? What is her relationship status? Is she happy in her life? To my mind, it sounds like she’s not really telling you the whole story. “Different paths” seems to hint at the issue. It could be that she is afraid she is losing you or feels somehow you have drifted away from her, it could be that she is jealous of your situation/relationship, or it could be something else is going on in her personal life that she isn’t revealing to you. If I were you, I would just tell her how much you love her, quietly pull back in the responsibilities that you’ve given her, and just let her be. My moh pulled something similar. She became kinda distant and even said shortly before the wedding she might not come. She didn’t explain why. Like your friend, she always had had, up until that time in her life at least, trouble expressing her feels. I still to this day don’t know what was going on, and I don’t really care, cause it’s over now. I just let her be. I didn’t ask her any questions, and when she said she might not come I think I just said I would really like you to come, but if you can’t I understand. Then she came, was wonderful, and our friendship recovered. We are still best friends. To me, some friends are like family. I just accept them as they are, and don’t try to stress too much about their quirks. I feel like the pressure of weddings tends to often exasperate a lot of female relationships in particular. When it came to my wedding, I just kept it casual. It was easier for me, and my relationships with everyone.

Post # 11
Member
9022 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
honey11 :  Honestly I think she is trying to subtely tell you she doesn’t want to be as close a friend as you would like anymore and since you said she doesn’t like to talk about feelings it sure fits. It also sounds like you put immense friendship pressure on her from what you have written. Take your response to her saying it might be better if she steps down as Maid/Matron of Honor. Your response was basically a guilt trip to someone who doesn’t emote well.

I think you should listen to what she is saying rather than pushing what you feel on her.

Post # 12
Member
1819 posts
Buzzing bee

See how she is after she gets engaged. Who knows that might make her a whole lot more excited to plan your wedding with you. If that changes nothing it sounds like what you two really need is a sit down in person and to really get to the bottom of it. If she wants to fade a way a bit in terms of your friendship I would let her fade off and replace her as your Maid/Matron of Honor. Then in the future, let her know that she is always welcome as your friend. Maybe in the future she will come back and have an explanation. 

Post # 14
Member
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

“I understand this is really hard for you which is why I am asking X to step in as MOH”

“I understand this is difficult, I think you should step down as Maid/Matron of Honor. I would like to still be friends, but I see how this is challenging for you and I want you to be happy”

Honestly, she has said two negative things to you and contradictory things. 

1) She’s overwhelmed but wants more responsibilities (???)

2) She thinks you are drifting apart (even though you included her as your MOH). 

Find someone else who is more suited for the role, with less teeth pulling, and less drama. 

Another option is to have her Maid/Matron of Honor and just literally stand with you at the alter. 

She buys a dress and shows up. 

That’s it. 

That will take ALL the stress off of you of chasing her down for things. 

Good luck. 

 

Post # 15
Member
534 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think she wants to be friends anymore. Make your sister Maid/Matron of Honor and cut this dramatic, toxic person out of your life.

You can’t take everyone thru life with you. 

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