Post # 1
Sooooo I have a little situation that keeps occurring where my Maid of Honor likes to ghost me. I’ve noticed that its only been recently since both of us were in college and in tow different states, maybe we are growing apart? I refuse to let that happen and talk to her about it, but it seems so easy for her to be short with me using the words “K…i’ll talk to you later…I should be alone right now.”
I don’t get it, but when I try to talk to her about it she doesn’t give me that much to work with (she hates talking about feeelings-she’s hard headed/rough exterior) and it becomes a thing where I think we resolve/understand each otehr, but then I say one thing that puts her on the defense and she shuts me out or just doesn’t respond. She’s my chilhoood friend, I’ve known her since 4th grade, I don’t want our friendship to end, but it seems like she couldn’t give a crap about it or its better for me if we aren’t friends? WHY she thinks she is a burden on me, I don’t know.
We have talked about why she has been cutting me off and she had expressed she wants more Maid/Matron of Honor duties and feels we just are going on different paths. I listened, I affirmed her that I heard what she was saying, but then when I give her more duties (she takes on a lot of projects at the same time) I won’t hear from her for weeks and when I do she says how stressed she is and shes tired of it all. I mean what is the nice of saying “I told you so, you asked for it.”
Then when she says “maybe we are just going on different paths, maybe I shouldn’t be the MOH”…I ask her if she belives both of those then wouldn’t she want to talk to figure out how to prevent our friendhsip ending or ask for help with duties? She then will just go around the question and not reply. So I’m the one ranting ON and ON and ON.
I don’t know what to do. I try to talk to her, and tell her where I’m confused or try to explain where I may have come off as “attacking” her, but she respinds with “K…tell the fam hi.”
I’m sorry. I guess my questions are “Am I not seeing something that you guys are? and should I ask her to step down and have my sister be the Maid of Honor?
I’ve been stressing about things that I shouldn’t be stressing about during this process. It hurts that she could shut me out so easily and not care if she talks to me or not for weeks.
Post # 2
She should definitely not be given more things to do if you know you have a hard time understanding each other, know she’s unreliable, and know she takes on projectS all at once.
If you really value her, just let her be your Maid of Honor who stands with you during the ceremony. Do you have other people who could help you with all of said duties? She also sounds depressed, maybe even insecure that you’re getting married.
Post # 3
For other projects I would just give them to the bridesmaids as a whole group, but then it’s that whole thing of me saying -that she can’t handle it- which I don’t know the nice way to say that?
I could see why she would feel some sort of way towards my wedding, considering she has been with her boyfriend for over 4 years now and still no ring. BUTTT what she doesn’t know is that he will be prosing next weekend! YAY! ANyways though, when we are together I try not to ask her about serious topics and keep it light/fun, but she will start asking about the wedding planning and I think she’s “okay with it.” I’m so confused and told her I was/where I get confused… again all i get is “k.”
I’m starting to really that letter “K.” haha.
I guess it’s just hard cause when I try to talk to her I don’t want to push her, so I simply say “I’m here for you always.” In which she repsonds with “k…thank you” and that’s the end of That converstaion. I don’t know what to say at this point because I have been stressing and gotten to the point of frustration so I’m trying to understand at my fully best.
Post # 4
Yeah, I understand. But she’s not receptive. She’s just fooling herself if she thinks she can handle all this stuff when, for whatever reason, she absuptly says worrying things like how she “should be alone right now.” If she won’t talk to you about what’s going on, you can’t make her be more connected, but you can take away responsibilities that are important to an event bigger than she is.
Maybe don’t exclude her from everything, but give her just one or two things. If she wants to be a consistent friend, she has to show you that. This just might be a bad time for her while she tries to make everyone else around her think nothing’s wrong.
Post # 5
To be blunt, what I see is someone who wants to let the friendship go but does not know how to go about it. Maybe she feels that it is time for both of you to move on but is having difficulty in conveying this and does not want to hurt you. She sounds apathetic and ambivalent.
You have let her know that you are there for her always but IMO it may be time to listen to what she seems to be trying to say. Maybe she does want to be let out of being the Maid/Matron of Honor and it is time that you find another person who is willing to be there for you with some enthusiasm.
You have been kind and left the door open. If she wants to keep up with the friendship she will let you know with her actions.
Post # 6
I’m slightly concerned she might be depressed, a common side effect of depression is pushing loved ones away. “I should be alone” sounds like she is isolating herself to avoid admitting what’s up or even because she’s potentially feeling low and insecure. Can you talk to her bf to check in on her?
Post # 7
She sounds like she’s done with the friendship but doesn’t want to say it.
Post # 8
I could talk to her bf, but then I don’t want her to be even moreee upset with me thinking I’m trying to bring him into “our drama.” I don’t want to push her, but then again if she is feeling low/insecure I want nothing more than to help her be the happiest she can be.
If I asked her bf what should I say to him? I don’t want to worry him either if it really is just me “misinterpreting.” He’s also in another state for work, so I could also see why she is feeling low about that, but then again when I try to talk to her she goes aorund the question “How’s -Trevor- “.
Post # 9
Right. I feel like that could also be the case, but then that’s where I get confused when she says I haven’t given her Maid of Honor duties; then when I do I won’t hear from her.
Post # 10
Is she married? What is her relationship status? Is she happy in her life? To my mind, it sounds like she’s not really telling you the whole story. “Different paths” seems to hint at the issue. It could be that she is afraid she is losing you or feels somehow you have drifted away from her, it could be that she is jealous of your situation/relationship, or it could be something else is going on in her personal life that she isn’t revealing to you. If I were you, I would just tell her how much you love her, quietly pull back in the responsibilities that you’ve given her, and just let her be. My moh pulled something similar. She became kinda distant and even said shortly before the wedding she might not come. She didn’t explain why. Like your friend, she always had had, up until that time in her life at least, trouble expressing her feels. I still to this day don’t know what was going on, and I don’t really care, cause it’s over now. I just let her be. I didn’t ask her any questions, and when she said she might not come I think I just said I would really like you to come, but if you can’t I understand. Then she came, was wonderful, and our friendship recovered. We are still best friends. To me, some friends are like family. I just accept them as they are, and don’t try to stress too much about their quirks. I feel like the pressure of weddings tends to often exasperate a lot of female relationships in particular. When it came to my wedding, I just kept it casual. It was easier for me, and my relationships with everyone.
Post # 11
Honestly I think she is trying to subtely tell you she doesn’t want to be as close a friend as you would like anymore and since you said she doesn’t like to talk about feelings it sure fits. It also sounds like you put immense friendship pressure on her from what you have written. Take your response to her saying it might be better if she steps down as Maid/Matron of Honor. Your response was basically a guilt trip to someone who doesn’t emote well.
I think you should listen to what she is saying rather than pushing what you feel on her.
Post # 12
See how she is after she gets engaged. Who knows that might make her a whole lot more excited to plan your wedding with you. If that changes nothing it sounds like what you two really need is a sit down in person and to really get to the bottom of it. If she wants to fade a way a bit in terms of your friendship I would let her fade off and replace her as your Maid/Matron of Honor. Then in the future, let her know that she is always welcome as your friend. Maybe in the future she will come back and have an explanation.
Post # 14
“I understand this is really hard for you which is why I am asking X to step in as MOH”
“I understand this is difficult, I think you should step down as Maid/Matron of Honor. I would like to still be friends, but I see how this is challenging for you and I want you to be happy”
Honestly, she has said two negative things to you and contradictory things.
1) She’s overwhelmed but wants more responsibilities (???)
2) She thinks you are drifting apart (even though you included her as your MOH).
Find someone else who is more suited for the role, with less teeth pulling, and less drama.
Another option is to have her Maid/Matron of Honor and just literally stand with you at the alter.
She buys a dress and shows up.
That will take ALL the stress off of you of chasing her down for things.
Post # 15
I don’t think she wants to be friends anymore. Make your sister Maid/Matron of Honor and cut this dramatic, toxic person out of your life.
You can’t take everyone thru life with you.