(Closed) When you have kids, are you going to take them to church?

posted 11 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you go to church now, and will you take your future children there?

    We don't go to church now and will not take future kids there; will teach them in other ways

    We don't go to church now but intend to start when we have children

    We go to church off-and-on, but intend to be more vigilant about it once we have children

    We go to church regularly and intend to take our children too

    We go to church regularly but we do NOT intend to take our children

    Other situation (please share below!)

  • Post # 62
    Member
    6571 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    i voted other. we don’t go to temple every friday, but we try to go about once a month. we live kind of far away, and when we move (whenever that is) we already discussed that it will be closer to our temple. but when we have kids they will be going often for different things- sunday school, hebrew school, monday night school, etc. we also have a new rabbi who is pretty awesome and has all sorts of fun activities, so hopefully when we have kids we’ll be more interested in attending those.

    Post # 63
    Member
    11324 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I was raised Lutheran and went to church most Sundays (and a lot of Wednesdays) until I was confirmed. My parents had a falling out with our church when I was around 8 but I kept going with my grandmother until I was about 13 because I liked it and wanted to be confirmed. 

    Fiance was baptized Lutheran but his family never really went and due to some bad experiences in college with very religious people he is SUPER skeptical of religions and finds them kind of oppressive. I think that deep down he believes in God but he isn’t really able to appreciate religion at this point in his life. 

    Due to his beliefs we will probably not be married in a church, however we will be married by a Lutheran pastor (my aunt) and I have told him that if we have children I want them to be baptized and raised in the church. I won’t make him go if he chooses not to and we can certainly let our children know both of our beliefs– I don’t want to force my beliefs on them, but before they have the option to reject my religion I would like them to fully understand what its all about. 

    Post # 64
    Member
    2214 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Neither my bf or I will bring our (future) kids to church.  We’re both atheists who were forced to go to church as children, and I would never put a kid through that.  I was raised Congregationalist, but I knew by the time I was 7 that I didn’t believe in god. (I was the annoying girl in Sunday school saying, “but how do you KNOW there’s a god?” Whatever faith or belief people have that makes/allows them to believe in god, I don’t have it.)  Bf was raised Bapist in the south.

    We do not plan on baptising our kids, however, I will teach them about religion, and if they want to be baptised when they are older, then it’ll be their decision (our parents will be pisssseeedddd).  I think it will mostly be for historical purposes, but I’ll explain the basic tenets of major religions so my kids can decide what religion is best for them if they decide to be religious.  I will let them know that it’s okay not to believe in anything either.  I may occasionally bring them to a church or temple or something so that they can see a service, but not until they are older.

    I just want my kids to be able to ask questions and explore their lack of faith or faith by themselves before choosing a religion–that way they choose the religion best for them.  I just know too many people who automatically take on the religion of their parents and are never exposed to or learn about anything else.  I know that’s what a lot of people do, but it’s not right In My Humble Opinion.  Religion, or lack thereof, is very personal, and I want my kids to see as many possible paths as possible before choosing one.  I think that kids can learn morals and ethics by just being social, honest, compassionate people who are good for goodness sake. 🙂 I don’t think there needs to be religion to teach those things.

    And I just want to add that my parents didn’t try to “force” religion on me, but they did.  Making me go to church, even just to learn what it was, when I didn’t want to, forced their religion on me.  When I told my mom when I was a kid that I didn’t believe in god, she said I was too young to know what I believed in.  It was very frustrating for me.  She always said she just wanted to expose me to things so I can choose what I want, but she never taught me about other religions (I did that on my own), and when I told her I was an atheist, she was upset.  My cousins are doing the same thing to their kids–raising them in the church they were raised in and saying they aren’t forcing it on them, but aren’t doing anything to show there are other options.  That’s exactly what I don’t want to do with my kids.

    Post # 65
    Member
    2280 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Naturally. Church is a big part of my life and my family. My paternal grandfather was a Methodist minister, and my maternal grandfather started bible study programs, which is how my parents knew each other. We grew up pure UMC. My SO was also “raised in church,” but he never had strong ties to any particular denomination (raised Catholic, switched to Baptist, then to non-denom). Since I have strong ties to my UMC family, it was a pretty simple agreement for us to stick with the Methodists. He says it’s a nice balanced denomination, haha.

    My faith and beliefs are extremely important to me. So when it comes to churches and denominations I think it’s essential to share the culture with them, and show by example what it means to live out my faith. How will my kids know what it means to be Christian if I don’t expose them to the community? I don’t care if we end up going to a mega-church or meet in a basement, they will see me practicing my faith with others. Church is just a part of that of course, and an important part.

    As the kids grow older and start having more responsibilities, they can make their own decisions about faith and involvement. *shrugs* That’s how it should be. But if one of my future six year old kids starts whining to me about getting up on Sunday morning to go to a boring church service, gosh darn it, that child is going to church with the rest of his family! You may call it “forcing religion,” I call it neglectful parenting to leave him home alone. 😛

    Post # 66
    Member
    2214 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I just want to clarify and say that my parents didn’t force their religion on me by making me go to church; they did so but not showing me that there were any other options.  I was only exposed to one religion until high school when I researched them myself.  Because I didn’t have options, I felt “forced” to believe what they wanted me to.  However, most of my friends have adopted the religion that they grew up with, so I guess it’s fine for a lot of people to do that, but I’m going to take a different approach with my children.

    Post # 67
    Member
    677 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I was baptised, raised and confirmed Catholic but am now a non-denominational minister. As I became an adult I had questions and concerns about the Catholic church and was uncomfortable with the fact that no matter what questions I asked or what concerns I had the answer was always, "Because.". I began studying other faiths and religions and was drawn to a more open and accepting/questing belief.

    My Fiance is Lutheran and identifies very strongly with his faith even though he doesn’t go to services very often.

    We’re raising the kids to be very open to faiths of all kinds. We go to mass with my grandmother when we visit her, celebrate rights of passage with friends at their churches, encourage our kids to attend with their friends when they are going to mosque or synagogue and go to the midnight candlelight service on Christmas Eve with my Future Mother-In-Law. Because it is very important to my Fiance and Future Mother-In-Law my guy’s minister will be blessing our marriage. Our goal in raising our kids is to teach them to be respectful of all faiths and let them discover what works best for them no matter what.

    Post # 68
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee

    My Fiance and I both are very much into church and our religion…We are both very active in our the day to day affairs of our church as well…Also, my Fiance is a preacher so we will be going to church and we will raise our children going to church…. church will be and alwasy has been a major part of our lives…

    Post # 69
    Member
    2394 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Not unless they express an independent desire to attend.  (Or we, you know, have them at all.)

    Post # 70
    Bee
    11808 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

    We will not be taking our children to church.  We are not religious, and we want our (hypothetical) children to decide for themselves when they are old enough what to believe.

    Post # 71
    Member
    6593 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

     

    Very interesting post – I love it!

    My Fiance and I are both atheists and we will teach and bring up our children with morality and ethics as well as explain other religions as they come up in the children’s lives (we live in a very culturally diverse community). This will allow them to make an educated choice about faith the same way my Fiance and I did.

    Post # 72
    Member
    2777 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I didn’t go to church as a child. And I think for my parents (Catholic and Protestant) it was a hard decision to choose NOT to have my sister and I attend church regularly as it was a big part of their childhood. Ultimately I’m glad because it meant that I could formulate my own opinions and try church out when I was older and choose for myself.

    That being said I did learn about all the big Bible stories (Moses, Adam and Eve, Cain and Able) when I was a child as bedtime stories, and I’ll probably do that for my kids. Mr Moo and I are both not religious at all so going to church just for my kids sake would be a weird thing for us.

    Post # 73
    Member
    168 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I was raised a devout Catholic but since moving out I have been lax in going to church.  My Fiance says that church is a community affair and since we are not currently living in the “community” in which we are going to live when we’re married, that he doesn’t enjoy going now.

    Post # 74
    Member
    399 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    My husband and I are both non-religious, so it would be odd for us to start taking our kids to church!  My Dad is a minister, so we went to church on occassion as children, but my Mom is not religious and after awhile Dad just let us decide if we wanted to go or not.  We did attend a Unitarian Church for a while, which I liked, and I have always had a deep appreciation of religious ceremony, particularly sacred music, but that, in and of itself is not reason enough to attend church.

    Ironically, my husband, who is more staunchly athiest than I am, went to an Anglican school and knows more about the bible and Christianity than I do!  I am a bad PK.

    Post # 75
    Member
    59 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I was raised going to church every week and absolutely hated it.  I attended a conservative Seventh-day Adventist church, and it was a miserable, horrible experience.  The kids at my particular church were very snobby and excluded me from everything because I didn’t go to the local Seventh-day Adventist school like they all did.  As soon as I graduated from high school, I stopped attending, but I eventually went back to teach one of the Sabbath school (just like Sunday school, except on Saturday) classes.  I figured I could help prevent kids from being traumatized like I was. 

    Anyway, Fiance is agnostic and wasn’t raised in church.  Neither one of us attends church regularly now, but sometimes I actually miss it. 

    There’s no way I’d bring my kids to a SDA church if it was like the one I was raised in, but I’d like my kids to experience going to A church.  I view it as part of my job as a parent–religious instruction is part of raising them.  I won’t be heartbroken if they don’t choose to be religious or if they choose to be very religious, but it’s nice for them to have that knowledge so they can make an educated decision. 

    Sometimes I do think that as bad as it was for me to be forced to go to church, I am still better off than my Fiance, who knows very little about any religion at all. 

    Post # 76
    Member
    620 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    No.  I would never want to force my kids to go to church or tell them what to believe.  I think that your beliefs on God or religion are personal and nobody can make them for you.  I was raised Catholic and once I was in college, I stopped going to church because I never really believed in every single thing that the church thought.  I believe that I can have a relationship with God and not be any one religion. 

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