(Closed) when you have kids getting married, do you think you will try to control it?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

No. I would like to be a part of it, but that said apart of THEIR day, not mine. I will not impose my opinions, I will give them but not require them to be carried out.

Most times they elope is because they don’t want you to be there because someone has proven to ber crazy b!tch. Since, I will not be crazy b!tch I don’t see why they’d run off away to get married.

I will however not stand for a little miss spoiled brat marrying my son, and taking on a lavish expensive affair that is out of everyones’ means…

Post # 4
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m not having kids, but I’ll give my hypothetical 2 cents anyway Tongue out

I would allow my children to have whatever kind of wedding they want, but I would not fund it. I don’t see the reason to pay thousands of dollars for one day for your grown adult children who should be able to do it themselves. I involved my mom, took her opinions into consideration, but when it came down to it, it was my decision. They also only gave a couple hundred dollars because they couldn’t afford aynthing else, and that was fine with me.

Post # 5
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m pretty sure our daughter will want us involved, somehow, in her wedding.  We’ve got an amazing relationship and I plan on keeping it an amazing relationship.  one that is WAY better than what I had with MY mother.  Same with my son.

That said, it’ll be THEIR day(s).  If they want my/our input, it’ll be given.  Same with help.  BUT, it’ll be up to them and their SO’s to decide what kind of wedding their want, colors, etc.  We’ll happily help them figure out HOW to budget everything, but they’ve gotta come up with the budget (unless we can manage to pay/help pay for it).  

Either way, it’s their day.  NOT ours.

Oh, and the fun part is my future step-son turns 20 this year…. sooooo… pretty sure he’ll be the first to get married! LOL!  I’ll let ya’ll know how that goes WHEN it happens! (Say in 5 or 10 years…. 😉 lol)

Post # 6
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

Well here is my question. I can guarentee plenty of our mothers said that they will never act like their own mother acted at their weddings. What happens between the time they said that and they get crazy about their own daughters wedding?

Do you think its mainly that mothers get so excited that their child is getting married that they just want to share it with absolutely everyone? Do you think that they so often don’t have any spot light on them from all the years of child rearing that they are itching to be the center of attention again and it goes to their heads? Or do you think some moms are just crazier than others?

If we figure out why moms go momzilla can we figure out a way to prevent being that way? Or is it something that just happens and people can’t control?

Post # 7
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Oh, I know I will try to control it as much as my mom tried to control mine! I have to face it… we are extremely similar. And we both think we know best. I would like to think that I would be laid back (like my dad) and just tell them to do whatever they want… but I KNOW I will have an opinon (or two)!!! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d love to be able to contribute monitarily to their days as much as I can (if I have a daughter, I’m hoping to teach her not to expect things to be paid for during her lifetime). I had a really tough time with my mom dictating exactly what SHE wanted for our day, and that was really hard. I told my husband that if I ever treat any of our children like my mom treats us, that I shouldn’t be allowed to have those children. Seriously. I don’t mind being a part of their day or being asked for an opinion, but I definitely won’t dictate that so and so HAS to be there, or that they HAVE to do things a certain way to please me. 

@MsBrooklynA: I think to answer your question in my case, my grandfather planned my mom’s entire wedding. She didn’t have to do a thing and she preferred it that way. So when it came to our wedding, she felt as if it was her right to be able to plan my wedding the way she wanted it to be whether I wanted it that way or not. I’m sure she will say that she sacraficed a lot to give me the wedding of my dreams (my parents paid for the food at the reception ONLY…which we are enitrely grateful for), but if she didn’t insist that 400 people be invited, we certainly could have had a modest wedding of my real dreams and paid for the entire thing on our own instead of the extravagant wedding of her dreams. And if I turned down her money, I would have been shunned from the family.

Post # 9
Member
5572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@kperry3:I completely agree.

I really hope that I’m able to pull myself back when the time comes but just looking at it logically it’s not looking good lol. I’m a very curious person, I love to be involved, and I have pretty strong opinions about how things are presented. I just hope that my husband is able to help keep me sane.

 

Post # 10
Member
3982 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would like to say no but in the end, I am a very controlling person. Always have been. It is just me. My mother is the same way. So, while it frustrated me to no end, I know she did it all because she cares. When she stopped trying to control, I felt like she didn’t care as much. So, what I did with her was we have her specific projects I knew she would enjoy and do amazing with. And for my kids wedding I will probably need that too. Me trying to control things is one way I show I care… even if it is frustrating for everybody. So, I better have girls who will be more liekely to involve me! If I have nothing but boys… I don’t know what I will do…

Post # 11
Member
5572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Mrs Hedgehog:I did that too!! My mom was a lot better when she had specific projects to work on. And as much as I was frustrated at times it really helped me too!

Post # 12
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

My mom has always complained that my grandparents planned her wedding. They picked the date, location, even the meal choices. This was in the 70’s though, when it was the norm for the brides parents to host the even.

As a result, my mom has actually been pretty good about everything. She isn’t able to contribute financially, which I would never expect anyways, but I have been involving her in things and listening to her opinions. She keeps saying “Its your day. You two should do whatever you want”. And shes offered to help with all the DIY stuff I have planned. And even given me some great ideas.

I hope that we can give some money to any future children. Whether they use it towards a house, wedding, whatever is their choice. I hope that we can be involved in the wedding process and yes, I would probably be sad if any of our future kids eloped.

Post # 13
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

As much as I would LOVE to say no, I can’t help imagining a grand vision of a wedding for any kids I might have.  I just would want them to have everything and I would want to pay for everything.  I think the biggest issue would be if he/she wanted a simple wedding; I just would want to go all out for my kids.

Post # 14
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My mother and I are very different people. I learned from her mistakes and that is why we constantly butt heads about how my children are to be raised. First of all I have one child and one on the way. both boys so I will never be able to plan my daughter’s wedding. However I am the more laid back type and I certainly consider other people’s feelings over and above my own. So even if I contributed I would not demand something be done just because I paid for it.

Post # 15
Member
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you won’t know until you see what kind of kids you have and what their personalities are like. Some won’t be able to decide anything, and some will have very definite opinions about everything. It will also depend on the age they are when they get married. Older brides tend to have pretty much decided about what they like,love and hate, so will plan accordingly.

I had one who wanted me involved in every minute detail WITH her, and one who wanted me to do it all and she just wanted to show up.

We gave them eacha monetary amount to use however they wanted, and anything above it they paid themselves.

Post # 16
Member
1991 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Due to the amount of stress and lack of respect and number of insults that have been thrown due to me getting married, I DEFINITELY will not be controlling my daughter’s/son’s wedding (when I have kids).

I wouldn’t wish my experience in planning my wedding on anyone including my children.

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