(Closed) when you know it’s not coming, but you can’t help hoping…

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@alwaysamaid:  Sorry, but I don’t have any advice.  I am in the exact same position.  I pretty much know it is not coming and that I am somehow going to have to pretend not to be bothered by it.  I keep trying to tell myself that if it doesn’t happen for Christmas, maybe it will happen for New Years, or my birthday (which is the week after New Years).  If I can keep thinking that way, I might be able to act normal during Christmas.  But I don’t know what I am going to do come my birthday.

Post # 5
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

You just keep smiling and think of things that make you happy so your face wont give it away.

I was in a similar position last year. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful but I was terribly disappointed when my bday, christmas, NYE and valentines all came and went without a ring.  Luckily working with the public has given me the ability to hide my true emotions 🙂

Post # 6
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

@alwaysamaid: i KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. I went through the same “phase” and that horrible feeling kept ruining every moment i spent with my Boyfriend or Best Friend. He was always very honest with me, and whenever i asked, he kindly said “not yet, but please wait for me…i´m working hard on it” and i said “ok i´ll wait” ; and another day went by, then another, then another…and I´m not kidding you…we would fight about this at least once ever 5 days—-it was unbearable. He insisted on doing things his way, (which means he wanted to surprise me) but i was just so tired of waiting and wanted to know we were making progress. (Besides i hate surprises)

So we came to an agreement that has worked wonders for me. He put a downpayment on a beautiful diamond (that we had both seen and loved…but that is too pricy for us in a single payment) and he “SURPRISED ME WITH THE RECEIPT” then he said to me “now that you know that we are FOR REAL, and that i´m working on getting to where we BOTH want to be, would you please relax a little and trust me??” 

i HAVEN´T FELT THAT FEELING YOU TALK ABOUT AT ALL SINCE THEN. And that was two months ago =) now i can really relax and enjoy his company, without expecting anything at all…..i swear, i can even say i don´t need the ring….i just wanted to feel COMPLETELY SURE about his love for me….So i´d carefully and respectfully advise to you….maybe all you need is to feel certain that you two are FOREVER. =) I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LOVE AND LUCK.

Post # 7
Member
30 posts
Newbee

@alwaysamaid: I know how you feel I’m a week away from Christmas and SO and I DEFINITELY aren’t getting engaged before the end of the year. I’ve got no idea how I’m gonna open presents with him on Christmas and keep a smile on my face lol. I guess the fact that I assumed he was hinting towards it but he really was just hinting towards when he’d be ready to start the process of designing the ring. Ugh!

Post # 8
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Poor things, its pretty tough, last year my then bf took me on a holiday in Sept and i was convinced he would propose, he didnt.

then Oct was my bday, he gave me a small parcel, small box from our local jeweller, i was so excited, but it was earrings!

Xmas came, another little box, this time a necklace.

I had totally given up, and figured Id just wait. Then bam, four days after xmas we were out for the day and driving home he pulled over and proposed with my lovely ring

I asked him why he waited and did not give it to me for xmas only a few days before, he said he wanted it to just be special for itself not as part of xmas, also he said giving it to me for xmas was cheap he did not want to “double up” on gifts!

So you never know, just keep waiting, he will do it eventually im sure!

Post # 8
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Poor things, its pretty tough, last year my then bf took me on a holiday in Sept and i was convinced he would propose, he didnt.

then Oct was my bday, he gave me a small parcel, small box from our local jeweller, i was so excited, but it was earrings!

Xmas came, another little box, this time a necklace.

I had totally given up, and figured Id just wait. Then bam, four days after xmas we were out for the day and driving home he pulled over and proposed with my lovely ring

I asked him why he waited and did not give it to me for xmas only a few days before, he said he wanted it to just be special for itself not as part of xmas, also he said giving it to me for xmas was cheap he did not want to “double up” on gifts!

So you never know, just keep waiting, he will do it eventually im sure!

Post # 8
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Poor things, its pretty tough, last year my then bf took me on a holiday in Sept and i was convinced he would propose, he didnt.

then Oct was my bday, he gave me a small parcel, small box from our local jeweller, i was so excited, but it was earrings!

Xmas came, another little box, this time a necklace.

I had totally given up, and figured Id just wait. Then bam, four days after xmas we were out for the day and driving home he pulled over and proposed with my lovely ring

I asked him why he waited and did not give it to me for xmas only a few days before, he said he wanted it to just be special for itself not as part of xmas, also he said giving it to me for xmas was cheap he did not want to “double up” on gifts!

So you never know, just keep waiting, he will do it eventually im sure!

Post # 9
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Let me just say that I went thought this for a very long time.

Actually, last Christmas I pretty much “knew” it wasn’t going to happen, but I still hoped. (It didn’t happen until this November, 11 months later lol)

So TRY not to think about it, but I knew it’s impossible.

Just remember: your time will come and you will laugh at the fact that you felt this way. Seriously. Someone told me that and I didn’t believe it, but really. Now that I’m engaged I promise it’s worth the wait and it honestly doesn’t matter that I waited so long for a proposal- I love being engaged and wedding planning and am honestly okay with the fact that it didn’t happen sooner. Just remember that!!

Post # 10
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ahh, this is me ALL over at the moment. I have a gut feeling, that as much as I would love a proposal over Christmas (in fact it’s all I want for Christmas this year), it’s not going to happen. I would just love to know why really, then maybe I could understand and not get so emotional about it all.

Were all here for you, and in the same boat mostly!

Post # 11
Member
320 posts
Helper bee

@alwaysamaid: it looks like there are a lot of bees sharing your anxiety! There is something magical and romantic about this time of year that just gives you hope regardless of the odds against you! 

Even I have a little flame of optimism that has sparked inside of me over the past day or two. It’s extremely weird to me that I feel this way because I’ve been in a very ‘Blah’ state of waiting for the past week or two, and I’m extremely reluctant to let myself get any ideas and get my hopes up. I’ve been crushed too many times already this year, i’m just tired of it. My rational side stands firm that there is absolutely no way my SO is planning to propose to me anytime soon, let alone Christmas! However, the magic of the season paired with some time spent reviewing things that SO has done/said this month has my “girl brain” kicking in, and now I’m starting to feel like something is going to happen. I hate it! I’m going to be so disappointed in a week when I find out there is nothing and I’m still just a girlfriend.

Why do we do this to ourselves ladies??? Lol!

Post # 12
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I’ve been like this for months- its so hard to choke down dispiontment, you know you should, but the feeling is still there. Just try and focus on the the reason you love him, and the good stuff. Good luck ladies, enjoy the hollidays!

Post # 13
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My guy best friend told me that if he saw a deal for a ring, he’d buy it right away but that doesn’t mean he’ll propose to his gf immediately.  He told me he would wait until he graduated or had his finances in order before he did and that my bf is the same way.  So, I shouldn’t worry about when …it could happen now or next year.   Leave it to a guy to talk some sense into me. //  Try not to think about it too much.  You have a man that loves you enough to want to get engaged just enjoy the time you have now.  And, enjoy the holidays!

Post # 14
Member
2791 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I was in your exact same boat. Fiance and I have been together for 6 yrs now, he just recently proposed 2 months ago. For about a year, it’s been the “Oh, is that a hint? Maybe it’s coming soon?” waiting game. Especially this summer, on our 6 yr anniversary when he didn’t do it, I was very disappointed. I am just like you, my emotions are very apparent on my face. It took all my strength not to show it in my face and just be happy that he planned a very special day for us all by himself.

Honestly, now that I’m on the other side, when it happens, you will forget about your feelings of anxiety. For now, just remember that he loves you and that one day he will just surprise you when you least expect it! 🙂

The topic ‘when you know it’s not coming, but you can’t help hoping…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors