(Closed) When you KNOW someone is being cheated on….

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Nona99:  +1 to SilverWire‘s response. I think that is the soultion with the most grace and integrity.

At some point, his behavior will come back and bite him in the a** and he’ll have to deal with, you know, reality. 

If you telling him that he is not welcome in your home because he is putting YOU in an awkward postion is the catalyst, well, that’s not a bad thing, is it?

 

Post # 19
Member
3669 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Nona99:  Why keep him as a friend? There are 7 billion people on this planet so I am sure you could find better company! 

 

Post # 20
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Nona99:  Well, I think you could absolutely tell him that you feel he is putting you in an awkward position without it rising to the level of lambasting him or being sanctimonious – particularly if it is done from a place of sincerity. 

That being said, if he really does hold that position in your life – where you would never close your home to him, you just need to accept the situation for what it is and know that she will either: a) find out someday and they will break up; b) she won’t find out but their relationship dissolves for other reasons; c) she finds out and they end up living happily ever after; or d) she never finds out and they end up living happily ever after.

None of which you have any control over… If his friendship rises to the level of import that you indicate, then you accept him gigundous warts and all, no matter how sick it makes you to look at him!

As far as how you might tell her anonymously? Buy a disposable phone and text her.

Kidding. Sort of.

Post # 21
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Nona99:  my Fiance has a good friend who was dating another good friend (this is a way back when story). Fiance and another friend walked in one day on the ‘she’ half of the relationship having sex with yet another mutual friend (In a mutual space, not like they barged in the bedroom or anything!)

Their response was “we’ll give you a chance to tell him yourself but if you don’t, we will” and that was the end of that. She did tell him on her own and they never had to do the dirty work.

Perhaps a scenario like that may be the best way? If your friends knows she’s going to find out one way or the other, it just might give him the balls to do it himself. And if not, you’ve given fair warning and don’t even have to feel bad about telling her! 

She does deserve to know though, especially if her man is being so upfront with other people about it! I totally dont blame you for feeling like it’ll be awkward. It always feels weird to know things about relationships that are not even common knowledge to everyone IN the relationship. And it is way not cool of him to put you in that position! It’s one thing to be honest with your friend about somethig like that and a whole other thing to tell them about cheating and then bring the girl he’s cheating on with him to frickin dinner at your house! 

He doesn’t deserve you pretending it didn’t happen because it totally did and HE is the one who brought it up to you!

Post # 24
Member
325 posts
Helper bee

Nona99:  If it were me, I would tell him how uncomfortable of a situation it would be for her to now be in my presence, knowing what you know. 

Let him know that by withholding information like that, you feel guilty and almost as though you are still lying to this woman by acting acting buddy-buddy, like you don’t know. Tell him that you won’t come out and tell her, but that you certainly won’t outright lie if she confronts you. 

It does not sound like he has ANY intentions to tell her. And, while I might be daring enough to tell another women, you may not be. So, hopefully he would take something away from the above conversation that will prompt him to keep his relationship with this woman very distant from his friendship with you.

I also want to add how absolutely mortified she is going to be if/when she finds out what fool this man is making her out to be to his friends. Poor thing. 

Post # 25
Member
3669 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Nona99:  You know the situation better than me 🙂 

Seems like you have no choice but to watch this train wreck. You don’t know if it is still going on but even if it was you shouldn’t tell the girl. You also shouldn’t lecture him because this is his choice. People come with problems and you can only decide what issues you are willing to allow into your life. You want him as a friend so you can only hang out on the sidelines and wait for something (if anything) to happen. 

Post # 26
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t think you should let this be such a big deal. You don’t even know if your friend is still continuing to cheat on his girlfriend, or if he ended it long ago before they moved in together. And if you’re totally unwilling to share with the girl what you heard from your friend, then you have no choice but to just set the issue aside and ignore it, so why keep obsessing? Just tell yourself in your mind, ‘oh I’m sure he ended it months ago’ if the thought of infidelity happening around you is too upsetting, and if he starts trying to tell you about new infidelities, cut off and tell him you don’t want to hear anything or you’ll be tempted to tell his girlfriend. He’ll def stop talking to you about his other women after that…

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by  ohnatto.
Post # 28
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Nona99:  Wow, okay, considering I was genuinely trying to be nice and be helpful that response was really not nice and uncalled for. But if you know her well enough I’m sure there’s some way you could let her know anonymously. Send her a letter? Text her from a texting app? Unless he opens all her mail that would be a great way. I only suggested anonymously telling her because I assumed you wanted to keep him as a friend, which if you told her he probably wouldn’t appreciate it. 

Post # 29
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Coventina:  I read her reply as just funny, not genuine mean sarcasm.

The topic ‘When you KNOW someone is being cheated on….’ is closed to new replies.

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