Post # 1
A couple of years ago I was talking to a male coworker. He spoke about true love like they do in the movies and I (having been in bad relationships) thought he was crazy. I lked listening to all of his optimism but looked him in the eye and told him I would believe it when I saw it. He then asked me how someone knows if the other person is the person you are going to spnd the rest of your life with? To which I simply responded “When you know, you know”. This little famous line made him consider his future in his current relationship, as it did with mine. Needless to say, we both later ended our troublesome relationships and started dating some time after that. Given that we started dating soon after, the start was bumpy. When I met him he was 100% sure he wanted to be married and have children ASAP. I was still very negative about the whole idea (being that I have 2 children and I’m not in a rush to share a closet haha). Yesterday was our 1.5 year anniversary and our relationship is a peaceful one and very full of love. Our thoughts have changed about marriage now. He doesn’t find himself financially sound enough for marriage so he has put a halt to any ‘future’ talk. I get where he’s coming from but everytime I’m with him I get this overwhelming feeling of love. Sometimes I just turn to look at him and think to myself ‘this is it’ and ‘he’s the one’. It just feels right and we fit perfectly. I can’t help but get excited when I see weddings and proposals. It must be amazing to know you’re marrying the love of your life. For now, we are just taking the relationship one day at a time and trying to grow as indivuals. Can’t stop to wonder if what I said is true, do you really know when you know? Is it really that simple?
Post # 3
Yup, it’s really that simple…or it should be. It was for me. If it’s really challenging to be with another person or you’re not sure if they’re the one, they probably aren’t.
Post # 4
@diamondshoes: For me, no it’s not that simple. But I’m indecisive and like to think decisions through with my head as well as my heart.
Post # 5
I agree. WHen you know, you know.
Post # 6
I decided Darling Husband was “The One” a full year before he decided I was “The One”, too!
So I think it’s a little more complicated than just “knowing”.
But I was engaged once before, and I never felt like he was “The One”, just “The One Person Stupid Enough to Love Me” (I was naiive back then…), and that was good enough for me!
So I do think that the feeling of “This person is The One” is legit!
Post # 7
@diamondshoes: i think you do “know when you know” in regards to whom you want to marry. however, when speaking of the actual “getting married” there are a lot more cards involved. I could sit here and say I knew i wanted to marry my SO as soon as we got together, because i had loved him years before and just been too afraid to take a chance, 2.5 years later and I still know its him. however I also know a)im still in college b)we arent independent from our parents (20 years old here) so THEREFORE c)we arent ready for marriage. (if i was going purely off feelings i would be marrried now, but considering everything else i know for us waiting 4-5 years is best)
i think knowing who you want to marry is just that simple, but it would be silly for me to say that just bcus you know you should jump right into a marriage. you can know you want to marry him, but still acknowlege that it isnt the right time (even though your heart may tell you other wise). acknowledging this doesnt take anything away from the relationship at all, it actually shows maturity.
the feeling of love is simple, everything else that comes along with it imo is not.
Post # 8
I think it’s a little more complicated than that, depending on how you see it. With my ex, I “knew” he was “the one” for several years because I was so in love, despite the fact that we were not good together.
With my current SO, it was the other way around. It took me a while to understand that he was the one for me. I knew I loved him, but given my last relationship I knew that wasn’t enough. But seeing how we support each other and how we compromise and handle arguments makes me confident that he’s perfect for me. But now I do look at him all the time and just feel calm, wonderful love!
Post # 9
@diamondshoes: Yep. Like you, I was very cynical (I prefer the term “realistic” lol) about love. If people claimed they had the head-over-heels movie type of love, awesome for them. I could explain it away through science and endorphins but always said if I was willing to be proven wrong. And boy, was I. Lol. Darling Husband was the same way before we met and once we connected (after our first date, which was a little awkward to say the least) we both fell so hard for each other and just KNEW. I never even wanted to get married before I met him. But now here we are and I still look at him and get butterflies 🙂
Post # 10
@diamondshoes: I used to be super cynical, never wanted to get married, etc, and had only been partially invested all my relationships; however when I met my husband that all changed completely. I knew after spending a week with him that he would be the only person I could ever marry.
Post # 11
@housebee: Exactly the same here. But then – *poof*! – I knew I knew 🙂
Post # 13
- Wedding: April 2014 - Courthouse
I knew when my fiancé said to me ” nice guys finish last” and I said “well,nice girls finish last” and then I knew.. Why was I going to waste my time dating douchebags when the one is standing right in front of me!
I heard something that said yeah nice guys finish last,because they let the girl finish first 😉 HA! I loved it!
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2017 - Rossino Castle
I just “knew” with my ex husband.Now I don’t trust that feeling anymore.Of course I feel like I “just know”,I love my so!!But way too many factors comes into a marriage,so I won’t ever marry again just because I feel like I know.It takes much more than just knowing to make a marriage work.
Post # 15
I don’t think it’s that simple. You can think someone is the right person for you but it may not work out if both of you are not in the right place. He might be the right person for you in the future but right now it sounds like he’s not ready.
Post # 16
I love my SO, but he’s not my typical type (though he is very handsome), and he’s in grad school (was still in undergrad when we started dating) and the stress of $140k+ in loans REALLY stressed me out. I can’t even tell you how many times I thought to myself, “maybe I should just cut and run. I’ve worked my butt off to not have any school loans, and now I’m just going to readily take all of this on when I could just find someone else? I’m in my early twenties, it’s not too late”. But every time, something stopped me. for what felt like a LONG time, I had inner struggles, and a lot of conversations with my SO that had me crying out of frustration. This is where Sheryl Paul (a bridal anxiety specialist…check out her blog, it’s awesome for girls who question things) and a therapist REALLY helped me work through my thoughts. The therapist gave me an unbiased view that no one close to me could offer. And after going through therapy once a week for 4 weeks, her and I agreed that I had really worked through a lot of my stressors. After therapy, and reading Sheryl Paul’s blog religiously, I swear it changed the way I viewed my relationship. I had a new level of clarity, commitment, and love for him.
So I guess my response to your blog is: sometimes people “just know” (like my grandparents, and my aunt and her husband, who are all still insanely in love after decades of marriage), sometimes people “just know” because they are naive and it ultimately doesn’t work out, and sometimes “knowing” can develop…like in my case. But I think it’s a mistake to discount your relationship if you aren’t positive right off the bat. Best of luck, fellow bee!