(Closed) "when you know, you know"?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: do you agree?
    absolutely! I knew from day one. : (101 votes)
    45 %
    maybe for some people but not for me. : (38 votes)
    17 %
    no way! it takes time to really get to know each other : (73 votes)
    32 %
    other (explain) : (14 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 62
    Member
    5867 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Honestly, I think for a LOT of people that “I knew I wanted to marry him from the start!” is really hindsight playing tricks on you.

    As a girl, I litterally never had a boyfriend who I didn’t imagine marrying when we started dating.  I think this is just what many girls do.  Of course, when things go well and you do end up with the guy, you look back on those early “could he be the one?!?” moments and think that you knew.

    I think that in a very few cases people are sort of struck by lightening and they really do know.  But, as evidenced by the fact that most people date for several years before they marry, most people don’t “know” right off the bat.  They “think it could be” and they work for years to confirm it.

    Post # 63
    Member
    6603 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    View original reply
    @soontobemrsm11:  yeah you and me both! thats why i had it taped to my mirror in law school lol.

    Post # 64
    Member
    1519 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    For me it was very gradual. When I first met my SO, I knew there was something about him that made me want to get to know him better, but I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight. The more I got to know him, the more that I knew there was something special about him and wanted to get know him better. 

    Sometimes, I thought that our relationship was weird or that there was a problem because I wasn’t having these over-the-top, love-at-first-sight, hit-by-a-ton-of-bricks feelings, like “normal” people (whatever that means). Then as I started to think about it, as a general rule, I am a pretty cautious decision maker. I enjoy weighing the pros and cons and taking my time making decisions based on logic rather than a ton of emotion. So, for me it would be really out of character for me to make a huge decision, like who to give me heart to without taking my time to get to know him really well.

    Post # 65
    Member
    2946 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I’m not sure how to answer. On one hand, yes there totally was the “I just know!” feeling. At the same time, there was another voice saying, “Yay! That’s great, but we should really learn more about how we work long-term before naming our kids.” It’s definitely possible to know you love someone and be able to connect emotionally very early in a relationship. However, it’s also smart and responsible to kick the tires.

     

    Post # 66
    Member
    1863 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    After just a few days of getting to know my fiancé… I knew there was something different about him. I couldn’t explain it, but I was drawn to him in a way I had never been drawn to anyone before. I didn’t think at the time “OMG this is the person I’m gonna marry”, but I did think “Wow, this guy is awesome. I dunno what it is about him but I really want to get to know him better”. Little did I know at the time that I felt that way from week 1 because I believe with all my heart that he’s my soulmate. 

    Post # 67
    Member
    576 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    This was true for me. I don’t think it’s true for everyone, but in me and my husband’s case, we both have very rare personality types (Myers-Briggs types) and it’s hard to find someone with a compatible type who also has compatible values and goals in life (and our values are rare for people with our personality types, so…)

    When I meet someone new, I can tell very quickly whether or not we’re going to be able to “get” each other, and with my husband I knew. It did take me a few months before I knew I wanted to marry him, but he knew he was going to marry me by the end of our second date. We got married after a year and a half of dating, and it felt like we waited forever because we knew so early on.

    Post # 68
    Member
    453 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I don’t know how to answer this question, because our relationship didn’t start traditionally… We never went on any “dates” beforehand. We were just a couple of teens at the time, chatting on the internet.

    Did I know he would be the one? Not exactly, BUT shortly after getting to know him, I sent him a playful private message asking, “You seem like a nice guy. Where can I find a guy like you?? Where do you all hide?” Now he’s my husband, and I find that hilarious. I used to gush about my internet friend all the time in school, and my friends would tease me for being in love with a guy I’d never met (even though I didn’t call it love at the time).

    By the time I met him face to face, we had been in a long distance relationship for so long that it just kind of fell into place. Yes, I did “know” when I stepped off the plane and spent my first night with him. Sometimes it’s so surreal to think of how we started out, and now here we are: married and going to have a family together at some point.

    Post # 69
    Member
    510 posts
    Busy bee

    Most people I know who say that about their SO are the ones who said it about nearly every SO. They just conveniently forget that they felt the exact same way at the beginning of previous relationships when the new one starts. That way, when it ends with marriage, they can swear they knew it from day 1. Or they actually manage to convince themselves that it felt ‘different’. I said that about my first two major boyfriends when I was younger (ie late teens). Then I stopped and actually started to get to know the important things instead of focusing on the attraction itself.

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