When you stop talking/asking about the proposal…?

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1203 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

For a long time I learned anytime I brought it up it led to a (small) fight.  He doesn’t deal well with pressure and pushes back.  But like you I was just SOOO excited about wanting to marry him that I wanted to talk about it!  He didn’t mind it every so often, but if i kept at it for days on end he would πŸ™„.  I didn’t realize it right away but when he finally wanted to talk about it more often was after he purchased the ring, so he was excited too!  This went on for 3 months, but it was really so much fun!  I was like FINALLY he wants to talk and be excited about it.  It wasn’t until about a month in I found out he had the ring, he didn’t know I knew.  Just try and keep busy and don’t harp on it too much!  Because men πŸ™„

Post # 4
Member
3731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Honestly yes. When I stopped mentioning marriage and getting engaged so much, he did it on his own. He actually had the ring for a couple of months, but he said he wanted it to surprise me and not seem like it came after a conversation we’d just had on the topic. 

Post # 5
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

We always talked about the future and future kids, but never talked about the proposal or engagement. He asked earlier than I expected but to be fair, we never talked about any deadlines. I am in my early 30s but I didn’t feel rushed to get married or have children.

Post # 6
Member
30 posts
Newbee

My bf has the ring hiding in our apartment (and has had it for about a month now) he has everything planned I guess but it’s just a guessing/waiting game for me! I’m so excited I can’t stop bugging him about it! He finds it annoying but he also knows it’s out of love and excitement. I can’t help myself.. it creates occasional bickering so I try to just deal with my excitement through weddingbee and everyone else’s experiences. πŸ˜‚

Post # 7
Member
26 posts
Newbee

Literally in this situation right now.  A long time ago when we discussed timelines he mentioned he’d like to propose sometime in 2017… at the beginning of this year I realized I was bringing it up too much and starting to become “naggy.”  When I would bring it up he wouldn’t really respond, so I made a pact with myself to stop mentioning it until at least June, haha.  I’m trusting that he’s going to take the initiative and follow through, but there is a part of me that worries he might have changed his plan or isn’t as excited about getting engaged as I am.  It’s really hard to keep my mouth shut about it, but I’m trying to give him some space and make a decision in his own time!

Post # 8
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

MY Fiance doesn’t react well to pressure – at all. I was very conscious of not bringing it up because I didn’t want to add more pressure for him. I only brought things up when talking about what I liked (as far as rings), meeting with the jeweler and after that, I kept my mouth shut about when he would propose. 

It took 6 months from our first meeting with the jeweler and 4 months from when he had the ring for him to pop the question. He was waiting for the PERFECT moment, and after a night with his friends where he told them that the moment was never perfect, they told him to just do it already!!! πŸ˜‚ He said that he could tell at certain points that I was wondering/ thinking that he might do it. But he also said it was nice that I didn’t ask about it so he had to explain or justify. 

Post # 9
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’m trying my best. I’m expecting it to be in July. It’s keeping my focus most the time. I can stay silent about that but instead bring up wedding ideas etc oops. 

Post # 10
Member
772 posts
Busy bee

catlover13 :  Over on the “waiting” board, they have a “Shut it up pact” which basically says the same thing as this – you make a pact not to bring up engagement or proposal. Definitely other ladies feel this way! I think it’s pretty common actually. 

 

Post # 11
Member
366 posts
Helper bee

I used to stress over the whole thing and became absolutely obsessed with rings and becoming engaged. I couldn’t shut up about it for more than a couple days at a time no matter how hard i tried. It was about the same time I finally stopped talking about it that the tables turned and now it’s my bf who brings it up. He’ll ask details about the ring I want and won’t hesitate to tell our families it won’t be long now. It’s so nice to have that reassurance. I can relax and enjoy the whole waiting thing now. I think the best thing I did was letting it go. My bf noticed and it gave him the space to get excited on his own without all the pressure from me. 

Post # 12
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

It’s hard! I know a lot of us are in the same position! My boyfriend is picking up my ring *this* week…and he doesn’t know I know. Our 2 year anniversary is on the 17th, as well. So I’m going crazy.

I just try to remind myself to enjoy the anticipation and this exciting point in our relationship. In 10 years, it won’t matter if it happens today, on our anniversary, or in 10 months from now. It’ll come!

Post # 13
Member
7002 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

catlover13 :  I’ve decided to focus my energy on myself and my hobbies and let the proposal happen when he plans it.

Honestly, this is the best thing that you can do. Darling Husband and I were together over 10 years before he proposed. We’re HS sweethearts, so there were a good chunk of years that marriage was obviously not on the table. The last couple of years I’d been getting pretty antsy and couldn’t help but bring it up or nag him about it. We both have busy lives….me running my own business, and his job has him traveling a good 9 months out of the year (mostly internationally). 

I joined a fitness group with a friend of mine who wanted to try it but wouldn’t do it alone. It’s known in our area for being pretty hard core, with a huge focus on running. I was NOT a runner, nor did I even work out. I ended up really liking it and got very into it. All of a sudden I had this new hobby that kept me busy, I had a ton of new friends, and I was just a happier (re: not nagging or bitchy!) person in general. I used to drop everything to spend time with Darling Husband because he traveled all the time, but once I took up fitness it became less of a priority. Not that I neglected him, but I wasn’t going to back out of a race or not go workout with my friends because he was home. 6 months later he proposed. I attribute it mostly to the fact that *I* was a happier and more pleasant person to be around….and I stopped talking about getting married.

Post # 14
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

My boyfriend really wants me to be surprised and not know when it is coming, but I really think it will happen in the next couple of months or so. I brought it up a couple times at the beginning of engagement season but then stopped so that it could be a surprise and so that I wouldn’t be pestering him. It is driving me nuts though, I just want it to happen already!

We had also talked before about getting married in the fall of 2017, but now that it actually is 2017 I don’t think that will actually be feasible. It sucks in a way and I kind of wish we never even talked about it as a possibility, but it also makes me in less of a rush since we want a fall wedding and there is plenty of time between now and fall 2018! 

I am trying to do what you are doing OP, just focusing on myself and my hobbies. I am hoping to read more books this year than I did last year, and I am trying to lose weight as well, with the impending engagement and wedding as incentives for this goal! I am also on the hunt for a new job, so in theory I have plenty to distract me from the proposal, but to be honest I still think about it constantly lately, especially since one of my closest friends got engaged last week.

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