When you stop talking/asking about the proposal…?

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

I’m trying my best not to bring it up, I’ve been waiting for two years now. SO gave me a timeline that he’ll do it in 2016… but when he didn’t, it just added a whole bunch of uncertainties to me. 

I know if I don’t bring it up, it will happen sooner because SO hates being pressured. I’m trying, really. I am.

Post # 17
Member
333 posts
Helper bee

my husband was fine because we had to set marriage as goal before we even dated because I was in nyc and he was in SF. We were best friends for a while and thought each other as soul mate LOL. 

However my ex bf, I told him if you don’t think you can marry by this time ___ let me know, because I do want to start a family. He dated me in the beginning to get married that is what he said. I don’t know what happend but in the end he told me he dose not think he will ever marry, unless he makes enough to buy anything for his kid lol ( he was not doing anything to improve his life, so basically never LOL) I left after one and half years, due to personality differences and he lied about alot of things that he was okay with and not okay with. I caught him checking my phones. I am so glad we didn’t work out. What i learend is if he is ready to marry you he will, if not pressureing him into it might just lead to expensive divorce. My husband and I are happily married now. He proposed as soon as he had enough to buy the ring. Never had to hint him or

Post # 18
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Another YES here. Stopping asking about the proposal did expedite when he asked. As soon as I accepted that I would be happy in the relationship whether he proposed then or in several years, redirected my energy to my hobbies (cooking and crocheting), furthering my education (applied to grad school), and enjoying being a catmom (we also have two kitties), he proposed. 

Keep doing you, Bee! It sounds like you and your guy are right on track. Out of curiosity do you have a cooking blog? Also I would loveee to see photos of your cat(S). Is she your profile photo? 

Post # 19
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

This is the boat I’m in — we’ve picked out the ring, he’s moved up the timeline, and he has told me to stop bringing up the proposal because he wants it to be special and a surprise and a big moment instead of it turning into something routine and less exciting due to us talking about it so much. I kind of understand this perspective, and I’m trying to honour it! 

Although I accidentally swung the other direction and started thinking/talking about the wedding in an effort to not talk about the proposal, and he got really really sad about that because he said that planning our wedding already made him feel like I was just bypassing the proposal, and that it would just be a formality at that point. He said that proposing is his thing, and his one big opportunity to plan something special and surprise me, and that he doesn’t want me to take that away from him. I felt awful, I had no idea! But again, it makes some sense if I think about things from his perspective.

Basically, my SO really wants proposing to be special, and he wants to plan it and not have its importance be lessened. Even though relinquishing control or knowledge of the situation gives me some major anxiety, it’s very sweet that he cares so much about making it perfect (although I assured him I don’t care how he asks, and it’ll be special just because it’s us making a big commitment! He wasn’t buying that, though…)

I know it’ll happen in the next 13 months, but probably not until late 2017 at the earliest. So I just have to bide my time and actually focus on school instead of daydreaming and planning in order to procrastinate… 

Post # 20
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

I think it depends on how your Boyfriend or Best Friend reacts to it. I bring it up kinda in a teasing “when do i get my pretty ring?!” way and he knows I’m doing it out of excitment and it rolls off his back. He says he finds it cute. I don’t bother him in a ‘why haven’t you done it yet? I’m tired of waiting!” way but I never had an extended lead up to engagement so there’s no resentment built up here. I think for some guys the constant questioning is too much pressure and you need to give those guys space. Come here to vent if you need to!

Post # 21
Member
24 posts
Newbee

We bought my e-ring a year ago and i am still waiting for him to propose so sometimes i bring it up almost like word vomit, i just can’t seem to stop myself from asking about when it is coming. We’ve been together for 5 years and we started talking about engagement our 3rd year together, we bought the ring right after our 4 year anniversary and i’m still waiting. It might help if i stop bringing it up, but it kind of just makes me wonder :/

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