- 6 years ago
I am in a situation and I need some help to determine whether I’m being unreasonable or not/please help me feel normal about this…My bf and I have been dating a year and a half. We do not live together but I spend probably 40% of my time at his house. He has had much more experience with girlfriends than I have had with boyfriends (I’ve only had one prior to him).
I have found on a few different occasions numerous photos and little notes and momentos from the last 2 girls he dated before me (one was a 2yr long relationship and they lived together, the other was a month long summer rebound with a several yrs younger girl from overseas). They weren’t out in the open but they weren’t really hidden – in an open box, on a closet shelf, not places I’m not allowed to be in or anything. Him having several photos of these women weirds me out. I think that the past is the past, and you have your memories to recall people. When you have a new girlfriend you should no longer have photos of ex girls (and I’m not talking like high school prom gf, I mean a woman he was almost engaged to, and a rebound that pretty much overlapped with our relationship). I know he has photos of rebound girl on his computer, and i just found a photo of a partly-clothed woman, i cant tell who it is, it was just on the floor in one of his rooms.
The numerous photos of the rebound girl make me really uncomfortable because they only saw each other for a month, she went home to another country, they kept in touch, my bf bought a plane ticket to go visit, but then he met me. At first he didn’t mention he was going to see a girl, then he fessed up, and cancelled the trip – I said we wouldnt be dating anymore when he returned if he went. He has a book from her with a couple postcards from her that all say she loves him and misses him, numerous photos print and on the computer, and he carried a card with her address on it that said I love you in his wallet. **Know that my boyfriend is super forgetful and kind of a packrat, so some of this stuff may truely have just been habit/stuff he hasnt dealt with in the past year. SO it makes me feel weird that this girl, who pretty much overlapped with me, still has all these little notes around saying she loves him etc. (which btw he told be he loved me after 4 months and they had only been together for 1? just strikes me as odd). An occansional photo of the longterm gf bothers me less because they lived together, and for 2+ years.
I feel totally nuts at this point, and I cant really bring it up becasue I was snooping. I feel petty and childish for going into this much detail and stressing about this but it almost feels disrespectful to me. I have asked him before if he had any photos of exs around and he kind of avoided the question, kind of said no, and said it didn’t really matter to our relationship.
I feel sick about this, but i dont know if im out of line.
TLDR: My bf has a bunch of photos and momentos of (recent) past girlfriends, and it makes me uncomfortable. I ‘ve brought it up, but it was dismissed as not really my business as I don’t live in the house, and that he shouldnt have to let go of his life before me.
how do i convey that it upsets me? or should i just mind my own business?