(Closed) Your career and DH's career – advice please!

posted 5 years ago in Career
  • poll: What would you do in my situation?
    Go to school for 'A' and try to make it freelancing : (4 votes)
    9 %
    Option 'B' : (21 votes)
    47 %
    Option 'C', choose a new career with portability in mind : (9 votes)
    20 %
    Option 'D', do nothing and settle for whatever job you can find : (5 votes)
    11 %
    You're between a rock and a hard place! Flip a coin! : (4 votes)
    9 %
    Ditch the husband and kids and follow your dream! (Just kidding, I would never) : (2 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    223 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @caritas:  I completely understand where you are coming from. I moved up to the UP of MI because my fiance has an ok job here, I unfortunately cannot find a position and the few that have been posted have been extremely low paying. I am also commuting 6 hours round trip to attend grad school on saturdays. Where we are living is a very rural community and I am very unhappy here and cannot see having much of a career here. 

    My fiance has built up his own business and has put 4 years into it, if we move he would have to start all over. He will have more earning capacity than I will but I dream of moving to a larger city with shopping, culture, events and career opportunities for me. 

    I completely understand where you are coming from I hope you guys are able to find a situation that blends both of your needs, wants and desires.

    Post # 5
    2116 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’m a practical person, and B makes the most sense to me. Dreams are awesome, but I really don’t advocate going into debt or risking financial security for dreams. For example, I just would never recommend going into debt for an advanced arts degree — this coming from someone with an English Lit degree.


    I know everyone always says to take risks and do what you love, but frankly, I’m in the camp of take calculated risks and find a way to love what you do. : that’s just me.

    Post # 6
    223 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @caritas:  We live in a town of about 3000 and the nieghboring town is about 7000 so in order for me to find work I would have to commute to a larger town which is about an hour away. Even with my masters degree there will only be a few opportunities for me.

    As of right now my quality of life is not very good, I have been here about 4 months and do not plan to stay. I feel bad for my fiance as he has worked quite hard to do well in his business however if we move as soon as I am done with school in a larger community hopefully he will find success again. For reference he is a chiropractor so his clinic start up costs would be quite expensive. 

    Post # 7
    11418 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @caritas:  I had a very rewarding and successful 25-year career in my field prior to marrying my Darling Husband.  However, as a result of my marriage to a man with children who could not relocate due to a shared custody situation as well as his calling to his job, I had to resign from my high-paying job at a wonderful, Fortune 500 company in a major US city to relocate to a very small town in a rural area of another state, where my Darling Husband is employed as senior pastor of a church.

    I originally planned to do some part-time contracting work at a very high hourly rate of pay for my former company through a separate firm.  This was a win-win-win for my former company, which actully proposed the idea; the contracting firm; and myself — until market forces and government policies resulted in major changes in the future of my former company’s line of business.  Bottom line, I haven’t worked full time for more than three years — or at all for almost as long, because I have yet to find a job in my field in my new area.

    I don’t really want to give you any specific advice regarding which career path you should follow, because I do not know what is best for you in your situation. However, I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in your situation and that I understand how challenging it can be to have to adjust to making these types of life-altering decisions in concert with a spouse as opposed to making them as a single person. I also am someone who likes to have a plan and does not prefer uncertainty. 

    In my own case, this situation has been an opportunity for me to learn to trust God with my life in a different way than I have had to trust Him in the past. Because circumstances have conspired to create this situation, I am now trying to focus more on learning how to develop my relationships with my Darling Husband and stepchildren and learning how to enjoy living in the moment more, vs. continuing along with my Type-A, driven, analytical planner, work-focused approach to life. I am now considering jobs that are outside of my field and areas of expertise. However, they currently appear to be much, much, much lower paying opportunities.

    I do hope all goes well for you and your Darling Husband.

    Post # 10
    223 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @caritas:  I sure hope so. Those are my plans and I’ve been letting him know that ideally in 2 years we’ll move.

    Post # 11
    239 posts
    Helper bee

    @jessdoxy:  i grew up in the general area that you are and i ran as far away as i could lol.  the UP is gorgeous though…very outdoor and family friendly. 

     @caritas: that is a tough situation.  the gung-ho-you-go-girl part of me says follow your dreams and do pursue your dream job since that is what i’m doing.  i know myself and i’d be bitter and angry later on in life if i didn’t do so.  

    Post # 12
    70 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Dunes House - Hilton Head Island, SC

    @caritas:  I’m honestly not sure what I would do if I were in your situation specifically.  My fiance is a philosophy professor, and I am a legal assistant. The job market for philosophy professors is even worse than you might imagine. His job here is relatively stable at this point and it’s a good gig for what it is, but it’s not tenure-track and not in an area that either of us like. Since my job’s much more portable than his, I’ll be following him wherever he ends up going, if he ever gets another job outside this area.

    I originally was a workers’ comp adjuster, for which jobs are usually only available in big cities. When I moved in 2008 with my now-ex (who, strangely enough, was/is also a professor) I ended up having to give up the adjuster job because there weren’t any positions available in the smallish town I was living in at the time (I would have had to commute 1.5 hours one way to Atlanta, and I wasn’t willing to do that), but was able to parlay my workers’ comp knowledge and experience working with workers’ comp attorneys into a legal assistant job. Perhaps that might be an option – using some of the skills you’ve learned in your current job to maneuver into another field?

    Post # 13
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @caritas:  My Darling Husband is military, and I’m a teacher.  Teaching isn’t exactly in a hiring frenzy.  My husband’s salary pays our bills, and his career dictates when and where we go.  I decided to go back to school and add an additional endorsement of Math to my teaching certificate.  Teaching math isn’t my dream job, but math teachers are needed everywhere plus it pays decent with a master’s degree.  My choice was to pick a career that can help support my family no matter where life takes us.  Supporting my family was more important than my dream job that hardly hires.  That was my decision.  Good luck making yours!  

    Post # 14
    3968 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I have a similar issue, though it’s because Fiance is in grad school and we’re in a somewhat rural area. It’s hard to find a job in my field (I have a master’s) even if geography is not an issue. Fiance will make decent money once he’s all done, but I don’t know where he’ll get a job. Family was alwasy more important to me than career, however, right now with a student salary and I only have a part-time job here in a relevant job to my career, it’d be nice to be able to save, pay off student loan debt, etc. I totally get you. I didn’t have a huge career dream but I wanted to feel accomplished. I totally get you.

    Post # 15
    3053 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I so understand where you’re coming from. We’re having similar discussions lately. Neither of us have particularly limiting job fields right now but there’s about a 1% chance that my future job would pay more than my SO makes now. There’s a slightly higher chance that my future job would pay more than my SO would make if she had to take a job outside of management but she’s in the healthcare industry so we’re sincerely hoping she’d be able to stay in management even if we move.

    I am of the mindset that since my job is harder to come by (if I stay in the same field I am now), then we should follow my job. But at the exact same time, we absolutely COULD NOT pay our bills solely off of my salary. If I was you I’d probably pick option B. But I haven’t even figured my own situation out yet lol Good luck!

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