(Closed) When your DH wants to be "team green" and you don't

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

You want to trade husbands? I want to be team green and my Darling Husband wants to know 🙂

We decided first baby well find out, 2nd will be a surprise. I dont think one person knowing and one not would work for us. Someone would spill the beans for sure.  Ultimately, if its a “tie”… I think the one carrying the damn baby and pushing it out of their vagina gets the tie break vote. Your inlaws/parents get zero votes.

Post # 3
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Awwwww I’d find it ridiculously cute if my Darling Husband wanted to be team green. This might be the hormones talking (23 wks here) but I’d totally go along with it. Then again I’ve never been one for the whole pink/blue nursery/toys and even though I know what I’m having right now, I’m sticking to primary colors and neutrals for the baby’s room. So, I’d just say ok, tell the dr that *I* want to know, but not my Darling Husband (same for ultrasound technicians), and play the hype up for him. I’d discuss baby names in both possibilities, decorate in neutrals and not tell him at all. It would all be like “if we had a boy…would be circumcise him?” ‘If we had a girl, would we do this/that?” And get pertinent information outta him. 

Then when I was ready to buy stuff that is so obviously one gender or the other I’d just stash it away for after the birth.

Dunno, I don’t see the problem and I think this is something you can give your husband without it being too terrible for you. 

Post # 4
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

But the whole mother in law thing…that would bother me. I’d speak up about that too. ‘Babe I couldn’t help but notice that you were onboard with me on a baby decision and then after your mom brought it up you changed your mind. If she helped you see something that you just hadn’t thought about before then I can totally deal with that. I guess I’m just worried you won’t have my back, or I should worry about whether or not your mom approves of our decisions in future stuff regarding OUR child/ren?’ See where that goes.

Post # 5
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I guess the question is, how much of your planning and stuff is going to be gender-dependent? The basic solution would be for you to find out and just not tell him, but if that would actually create more work for you post-birth that you could otherwise have accomplished in advance, then he has to be ready to handle *all* the extra himself. It’s not fair to put an additional burden on you at a time when you’ll already be exhausted.

Post # 6
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

You could always do a compromise with the gender and the shower. Either don’t find out the gender and have a shower before baby, or find out the gender and have a shower after baby. Seems to be the simplest solution. 

I’m team green, so I’m obviously biased so I won’t say much about that. But I’m 21 weeks pregnant, and when my Darling Husband feels strongly about something with baby, I’ll go along with it for the most part. The mom is the one that really gets to bond with baby before he/she is born, since I’m the one feeling the kicks, etc. So I sort of think of it as a way for Darling Husband to feel more involved in the pregnancy. 

Post # 7
6498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Darling Husband did not want to find out with our second, but I wanted to know for sure (although we both had very strong feelings in one direction anyway). When he stepped out of the room to use the bathroom during the ultrasound, I had them check while he was away. I found out and never told him. It is now 14 years later (DS2 is 14), and Darling Husband STILL doesn’t know I found out. So I gues it all depends on how well you can keep a secret.

However, if you want to know so you can decorate with a certain color or buy girls’ or boys’ clothing, then that’s a bigger issue. There’s simply no compromise in that situation because you either know and proceed accordingly or you don’t. The only compromise would be for you to find out, not tell him (or anyone else) and not decorate a nursery or buy anything gender specific until after the baby was born.

Post # 8
3224 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

You can have a shower before baby is here without knowing the baby’s sex. I want to be team green primarily because I don’t want people buying me a bunch of obnoxiously gendered clothing – or any clothing at all really, I am picky style wise. I usually think things should sway toward team green if one person wants it, but there’s no right or wrong here. 

Post # 9
423 posts
Helper bee

We compromised. First child we found out (for him) second child, we did team Green. He hated it the entire time. Wouldnt discuss names, the works. He says now it was the greatest surprise of his life. In the delivery room, I told the nurses and dr’s I wanted everyone to shut up when baby came out and for him to tell me what we had. I will never forget him tearing up and telling me we had another beautiful little girl.

For me, there’s just not enough surprises in life and I feel like birth is so planned now. Before a child is even born, we know its sex and what its name will be, and with 4D ultrasounds can even get a glimpse of how their features are set. And thats fine and great for some people. Just not really been my style. Even though we did find out the sex of baby 1, I have a rule that you dont pick a name and buy a dog so I wait to meet my child before deciding on a name. We narrowed down the favorites and as soon as I saw her, I knew her name and it wasnt what I thought it was going to be. I guess I just like the idea of my child being a bit of a mystery at first. What fun would Christmas be if you knew exactly what was under the tree?

It really didnt interfer with planning as much as one would think. We got all the big accessories and starter clothes gender neutral which worked out great in case we wanted more or to pass down to the next expecting member of the family. Not a fan of overly boy or girly nurseries so it would have been neutral either way. We of course added more pink to the wardrobe and room after she was born but that was easy. Women had babies for thousands of years without knowing and everything was fine. Besides Ive known quite a few people with wrong ultra sounds. 

 Bonus advantage of team green is that it drives the friends and family crazy not knowing and makes them that much more excited about the birth!!!

Maybe a compromise for you guys would be a gender reveal but not have it till like the last couple of months or so. 

Post # 10
2021 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We were team green! It was truly amazing. We were both on the same page from the beginning though. 

Post # 11
3425 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’m really not a fan of boy/girl themes anyway. Have you considered just doing an animal theme with all colors? Personally I would love to dcorate an ocean/under the sea themed nursery regardless of the baby’s sex. 

Really though, I think it’s not that big of a deal either way. Maybe just flip a coin. If you plan on having more, one of you gets your way now, and the other next time.

Post # 12
1945 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would want it to be a surprise and my Darling Husband is a planner and he had said he would want to know. I don’t want anyone to know (apart from the doctor) so I’m afraid I probably would play the “she or he is in my body so…” – it would stay a secret until delivery! As for baby shower I don’t see a problem, plenty of baby neutral items which I think is better anyway, I don’t need a baby room of princess pink vomitting all over it or tough little guy blue room full of tractors just because of the gender of the baby. 

Post # 13
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

My friend and her hubby did not find out with their first but he so badly wanted to. On their 2nd, HE did find out and just kept his mouth shut and it worked. She didn’t find out and neither did any friends/family (and he should have never told anyone THAT he knew). 

I don’t know what to do in this situation, fortunately Darling Husband and I are on same page…both Team Green. But I get where you’re coming from, you want to know/plan/organize.

Post # 14
11520 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

I agree with PP that I’d find it really sweet if it mattered that much to Darling Husband (unless I thougt it was just Mother-In-Law influencing him…then it’d be a different story). Dh and I have agreed to be team green when the time comes.   Personally….I don’t think that you need to know the gender to have a shower.  Most of my friends have actually gotten much more practical and nice gifts when they’ve been team green than if they know the gender.

Post # 15
575 posts
Busy bee

My husband wanted to be team green with both of our pregnancies. We compromised and found out the sex of our first baby and agreed to be team green for any subsequent pregnancies. I’m 34 weeks tomorrow and it hasn’t been difficult to keep it all a surprise. I’m actually glad we’re doing it, because it is true- there are so few genuine surprises left and this is one of them. 

Baby will sleep in our room for the first 6 months, so the nursery doesn’t need to be done before birth. There are gender neutral car seats, clothes, strollers, etc. You can always add to baby’s wardrobe once he or she is here. And my husband has promised to do the nursery painting and decor himself, as well as wash any clothing we buy (all I have to do is decide what I want and order it online). That was a big selling point for me, because I didn’t want to have to deal with doing any of that with a newborn. 

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