(Closed) When your DH wants to be "team green" and you don't

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 61
14964 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I personally don’t see the point in being team green.  It’s a “surprise” whenever you find out… why hype it up with suspense.  It’s boy or girl.. there’s not much surprise in it imo.  We did genetic testing on our embryos and it didn’t even occur to me that the report woud tell us sex when I saw it… but there it was.  It wasn’t some amazing moment and revalation.

Post # 62
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

We both wanted to find out.  It was a boy and we kept all the stuff and clothes very gender neutral.  It worked for us.  Next time I want to find out but not tell anyone and have it just be our little secret.

Post # 63
3721 posts
Sugar bee

I have a different perspective. We both wanted to know, but our ultrasound was wrong, and everything we bought that was not gender neutral ended up boxed up and in storage. Our families sent us a bunch of new clothes and I ran out to target once home from the hospital for different stuff. Even with the mixup, it really only affected clothing as we stayed pretty neutral for all the big purchases. I kind of giggle at the notion of finding out the gender for planning purposes, because what exactly do you think you need to plan ahead of time? Most big purchases you’re going to want neutral so you can use for a second baby (if that’s the family plan). So really we’re talking about whether you buy girly clothes or boy clothes, and I personally think its a giant waste to buy a lot of clothes before the baby is born, because you don’t know what size they will be. I had a ton of wintery 0-3 month clothes, but my son was tiny and wore newborn stuff until spring, so it all would’ve gone to waste whether our ultrasound was wrong or not. I really think if your reason is just planning, then I would be team green as your husband has an emotional attachment to the idea, and you can still buy all the necessities without knowing the gender.

Post # 64
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

ktsteimel :  THIS is my fear! And we are Team Green. I’d be livid!


I’m also elevated risk so I’ll be going to maternal fetal and getting ultrsounds every couple weeks. I was told by regular dr that they don’t even mark it in the file/anything. What they show/print on sono will not have anatomy (because I could see my sister, a nurse, ruining it for me).

I know several who have done this and just said you have to tell them EACH time…we are not finding out gender

Post # 66
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I really wanted to know so I sympathize with you. I would really really really struggle to be team green. I don’t know why… we bought gender neutral stuff anyway.. but once we knew our son was a boy and had his name picked out it made it all so much more real somehow.

Post # 67
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Difference of opinion but I disagree that finding out at 20 weeks is the same as finding out when born. I feel much more excited about friends births/gender when they’re team green. I’m excited when I find out gender halfway through BUT I’m definitely but excited when I find out after the baby is born. I can only imagine how we’ll feel.

Also, I guess it is an added bonus that we won’t get a ton of clothes. I hear everyone say that their baby didn’t get to wear half the stuff because people bought so much.

We are also keeping names private. Again, I see too many people interject their thoughts/feelings on names and I don’t want that at all. PLUS I’m so indecisive that we might change the name (& sometimes people buy things with babies name on it). We have a maybe on 1 girls name. That’s it, no boys names (though when we were dating and discussed future we did have a boy’s name but now it’s kind meh because his brohter used our first name for middle name). My friend’s Mother-In-Law didn’t like her name choice and bought a dog and named it her name choice…no joke.


Post # 68
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

My Darling Husband and I are team green and I’m a HUGE planner too. The thing is the planning is the same regardless of the gender unless you’re big into having pinks or blues.

Before we agreed on team green (although I’ve always known I wanted it to be a surprise), we knew we would have one nursery in our house used for any babies we have. We’re realistic in the sense that most people we know don’t do a lot in terms of planning a nursery for babies 2,3, 4… So as our kids grow, and we plan for another, they’ll get moved to their own bedroom and the nursery is ready for any gender baby. You really need the non-gender-specific items to “prepare” for the baby. 

As some PP mentioned, I am actually excited about having my shower not knowing the gender. Many, many friends said they ended up with a ton of clothes (and that can be risky with sizing) and very little of what they actually needed. Of course everyone appreciates anything someone gifts them but I would much rather get an item we can use over and over than get an outfit the baby may wear once. 

And finally, now that we’ve recently had the anatomy scan where we would have found out (unless you do additional testing and find out early), I don’t think it would be nearly as special and surprising as it will be at the birth. What an emotional moment that will be! I want my husband to be the one to tell me the gender, not the doctor and I’m excited that he’ll have that special moment of knowing and telling me since pregnancy is mainly all about mom. 

Post # 69
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I mean… it’s a surprise either way. I was plenty surprised to find out at 19 weeks that I was carrying a boy, and I used the intervening time imagining him and to get ready to meet him. It was actually a big motivator in labor to be able to visualize my son, even though all of these expectations we place on a fetus based on sex are kind of meaningless anyway (do you want a boy or a girl? idk… I want a good person who loves me, lol)  Point being, “surprise” is sort of a weird way to describe the timing. And labor is plenty surprising all on its own…

Initially I did not want to find out during the ultrasound, but my husband did. I ended up agreeing with him because I did not feel very strongly about it and I wanted him to feel investment in the process. So little of it feels like “his” until the baby arrives, and often even after that. (Obviously that’s because Mama is, like, making lungs and stuff, but still)

Post # 71
11461 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

summerbride2016 :  When my DSS and DDIL had their second baby, they chose to do a reveal. Only the ultrasound tech and the friend who made the cake for the gender reveal party knew the sex of the baby.

The first child was four at the time, and she desperately wanted a sister. We all had the joy this time of not only finding out the gender at the party but also watching our granddaughter become ecstatic when she saw the pink icing. She was hilarious in her exuberant reaction.

Now we’re awaiting the birth of our third grandchild — this one through my DSD and her husband. They are team green.

So, we have enjoyed all of these experiences, but I like the team green approach the best. 🙂

Post # 72
4963 posts
Honey bee

MamaWilson :  I can’t imagine not being able to plan ahead. The thing that would bother me is that he changed his mind after his mom said something.

Post # 73
4054 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We had our boy and girl names chosen very early, and I will never forget being in the ultrasound room at 18 weeks and crying with my husband saying “there’s our little Austin!” when we found out that we were having a boy. I genuinely don’t think it would have made it any more special to wait: it was incredibly special.

For me personally,  knowing that it was our son, and calling him by his name helped both of us feel much closer to him throughout my pregnancy. And frankly, my birth was surprise enough. 


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