When your fiance doesn't care for your lifelong best friend's new partner…

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper

Why doesnt anyone say anything to him in the moment? 

“Whoa man, slow down, the rest of us want to eat too!” 

That seems like a really odd reason to cut him out, but not everyone has to be “besties” with everyone. 

Post # 3
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Your fiance doesnt need to be friends with C, as long as he can be around him in group settings from time to time.  C sounds ridiculous and I wouldn’t want to spend time around him either.  I would also call him out on his behaviour.  Unfortunately, you may have to tolerate him being around during wedding festivities for the sake of your friend.  

Post # 4
Member
9667 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

We rarely like some of my friends partners. It ends up working out because the relationships always fail so the problem solves itself. 

Post # 5
Member
927 posts
Busy bee

Well, you have three options here. 

1) You have a heart to heart with Bestie, and Bestie communicates to C that his behavior in social situations is embarrassing. He either fixes it or he doesn’t. Fixing it might need to include therapy, as eating so much so fast that he pukes seems to be an issue.

2) You and Fiance communicate to C that he needs to stop drinking or slow down eating while you’re in the moment. If it comes down to being “those people” or not having Bestie involved in your life and wedding? I’d be “those people”. Speak up. 

3) You stop spending time with Bestie and C with your Fiancé included (or at all). I can see why C’s behavior is obnoxious. I wouldn’t want to spend time around him at all. 

 

I’m super outspoken, so especially if I noticed Bestie being embarrassed, I would flat out grab that guy’s fork from him and tell him he needs to stop eating until he pukes, because it’s disgusting and an issue. I’d dump his drink in the bushes and tell him he’s acting like a drunk asshole. If it saved my relationship with my Bestie, it would be worth it to shame the shit out of him until he learned. 

If Bestie had a problem with me being mean to C, I’d tell Bestie that I will only be doing one on one activities with her so I could avoid C all together. Then wait for the relationship to run it’s course. 

Post # 6
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

annabanana89 :  It sounds like your bestie is well aware that C is a total disaster when you guys hang out, has she not spoken to him about this?

My husband has overdone it once or twice (as have I throughout the years), and I told him he needs to get his shit together and not get sloppy drunk again. He listened, he understood, and we both make a point to get nice buzz but not take it TOO far to the point that we’re making people uncomfortable or embarassing ourselves.

Have an honest talk with your bestie, let her know it’s goign to be hard to keep hanging out when C is constantly over doing it. 

Post # 7
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

Well…welcome to the world of adult friendships and mixed social groups! Maybe it’s just me, but “besties” isn’t really a thing after your twenties anyway. You’ll be alright.

Post # 10
Member
3362 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

They don’t need to be friends or hang out with each other. Can’t your friend see you without C around? I mean I love Dh and all, but the vast majority of the time that I’m hanging out with my friends, he’s not invited. 

In any case, I think as long as they tolerate each other, that’s really all you can ask of your fiance. 

As for C, your friend knows who she’s dating and how he behaves. I don’t think there’s much you can open her eyes to in that department. 

Post # 12
Member
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Why are you forcing them to be friends? Partner’s do not need to be friend’s with their SO’s “besties” partner. Let C build up his own friendship group. 

And honestly you do sound judgemental especially around the food issue. Who made you this guy’s doctor? He could have anxiety for all you know or just prefer to live his life how he wants but go ahead and pass judgement because he isn’t living life just like you would.

I would back off now before you damage your friendship.

 

 

 

Post # 13
Member
406 posts
Helper bee

From what you’ve described he sounds kind of annoying but there’s nothing too egregious he’s done. I think you and your fiancé will just have to deal with him as best you can. The two of them don’t have to be best friends, and that’s ok, you don’t have to like everyone you interact with.

Post # 14
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME

annabanana89 :  It seems weird to me for judging someone for eating and then needing to use the bathroom.  The getting too drunk and boisterous is definitely a valid point to be concerned, but I would cut him some slack until you get to know him more. I know a lot of people who are shy, insecure, lonely, or looking to fit in can act in ways that they normally wouldn’t because they’re uncomfortable.  Depending on where he’s from originally, 2 years isn’t that long to totally shift your culture, and he’s in a new town, new home, and fairly new country without close friends.  

Just be patient, trust that your best friend likely surrounds herself with similar people and if she likes both of you, I’m sure there’s similarities there you just haven’t found yet.

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