(Closed) When your friend/bride wants the truth, but then gets upset at you.

posted 7 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

did you tell her this before or after she purchased? If you told her before.. I think she was a bit out of line to get so upset. If someone asks you for your “Honest opinion” after they’ve made a decision they probably can’t/won’t go back on…. you’d do better to say its fabulous regardless of your true thoughts. 

Post # 4
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I wanted honest opinions from my friends when I went dress shopping and they were very sugarcoated.  I didnt find anything that I liked so it wouldnt have mattered if they said that is ugly or not. 

Post # 6
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t think you did anything wrong. I agree with CorgiTales . I would have done the same as you, but everyone has different tastes. My dress experience I think my mom and sister sugar coated it a bit. I loved one of the dresses and I said yep this is it and so they were like ya its pretty and I made an apt to go back to get measured and all. Then I saw the pic of me and it was not good at all! I  couldn’t believe they just went along with it just because I liked it. Needless to say I found a different dress.

Post # 7
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think this depends a LOT on who the bride is!

I have friends who will ask “Be honest – does this make me look fat?” about a sweater and not want the truth, and others who ask the same question and want brutal honesty.

It depends MUCH more on the personality of the person than on the fact that it’s a bridal dress. Every bride is different, because we’re all different people!

Post # 8
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Some people ask for oppinions as a way of fishing for compliments or validation.

Post # 10
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I understand you’re upset, but does she know you are posting pictures of her in her dress online? If it were me and I saw that, I would feel really betrayed by my friend.

Post # 11
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

After I bought my wedding gown, I showed it to my friend and I asked her what she thought of it.  She told me that it didn’t look like a wedding gown at all.  I was disappointed but I did not get upset. 

I don’t think that you were out of line for saying what you thought.  She asked for it and she should be prepared to hear differences in opinions.  There are ways to tell somebody that you don’t necessarily agree with their choice without sounding offensive (don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean to imply that you told her in rude way).  Generally speaking, when I don’t agree with something, I try to point out something specific that I like about the dress and point out the specific aspect of the dress that I don’t like, and say that it’s just a matter of personal taste.  For example, I would say “I love the beading on the dress but I am not the biggest fan of satin.  But don’t let me sway you away from your choice, I am just personally very drawn to lace.”

Post # 12
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Eeek! I don’t think you should have put that picture up 🙁 I think you were entitled to give her your honest opinion but I’m not sure why you posted the pic, unless to get our opinion of it too! Which really only the bride should be seeking out opinoins. IMO it’s a lovely dress although not my style.

Post # 13
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think there are two things going on here. You want first validation that you’re right to be confused by your friend’s response and you ARE right–she’s overracting and if she asked you for your opinion, honest or not, and you gave it, she really can’t complain.

But I’m just wondering why you also want validation for your opinion on her dress? What are you expecting us to say? “Yes, you’re right. It’s a horrible dress”?? I don’t think many of the bees would feel comfortable doing that because, as Merry02 points out, it’s probably not okay to put a picture of someone else on the Internet without their knowledge and also because well, the dress isn’t crazy tacky or over-the-top and I don’t think people are gonna want to bash someone else’s dress when the person in question is not the one asking for opinions. I mean, it’s a bit like posting a pic of someone else and then saying, “Check it out–doesn’t my friend look fat in her dress?” That’s not what the bee is about.

If SHE likes it then that’s all that really matters, right? 

Even though she’s in the wrong here, since it is her wedding and her dress and you want her to feel good about both, I think that you might be the one to offer the olive branch. Tell her that you were being honest as any good friend would be and you weren’t looking to offend her, but that it really makes you happy that she found her dress–and even if it wasn’t your fave, it’s still a lovely dress and you love the fact that SHE loves it.

Post # 14
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

You are right, the dress is kind of “blah”….BUT…I’m really hoping that she doesn’t catch on to her picture being on here!!!  Then you will have a lot of explaining to do.  Everyone has different taste….just tell her that next time she wants an honest opinion, that she shouldn’t ask someone who is honest….LOL  (props for being honest)

Post # 15
Member
3613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think you were right in expressing your true opinion and she overreacted if she got upset. On the other hand, it is now your turn to accept her opinion and let go of your feelings. It is her wedding after all and her dress, the only right choice is the one she likes.

Post # 16
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

i agree with people here that your friend over reacted and that you should not have posted the picture. but since you did, i feel i can give my opinion because its not bad! i actually think she looks gorgeous in the dress and it does not at all look like a prom dress. its not my style of dress for me, but i think it is beautiful nonetheless. if it were my friend, i would have said she was making a good choice!

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