(Closed) When your guests DO NOT respect your wishes….

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do children belong at weddings in your opinion?
    Nope! : (81 votes)
    33 %
    Of course : (100 votes)
    41 %
    16+ yes : (62 votes)
    26 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    216 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We’re having some kids at our wedding; I attended weddings as a kid and had a great time. And if they are getting served alcohol from the bartender it sounds like the bartender isn’t paying attention. But I come from a Jewish family where alcohol wasn’t a big deal as a kid, so I never had the desire to get drunk as it wasn’t a forbidden fruit.  Besides, kids are adorable in pictures!  I think most parents are responsible enough to take kids out if they start crying…. I really don’t see why people make such a big deal out of this….just have some coloring books and puzzles to keep them entertained if you’re really worried.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2253 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @80sbee: there will be kids at my wedding. However, if you feel that you would prefer an adult only reception/ceremony, then by all means do this. It’s your wedding. Inform your guests on your invitations that this is an “adult only” affair. If you worry that some parents may disregard this, maybe a nice phone call to politely remind them of the fact that children are not expected to appear. I hear that offering to help arrange babysitting services can help deter some people from bringing their kids. But you probably have to brace yourself that some people will ignore your wishes. It’s like that one odd guest who decides to wear all white. Just grin and bear it if it happens. Good luck!

    Post # 6
    Member
    1271 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Children belong at my wedding. Adults who don’t like children are not welcome at my wedding.

    Post # 8
    Member
    216 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @80sbee:  Maybe it’s mostly an issure of knowing the parents and the children; the kids that will be invited to our wedding are fairly well-behaved and have super responsible parents. One flower girl will be 4; her parents also will also have 1 year old twins, but they have their au pair to help out if the twins end up attending. All the other kids at the wedding will be 10+

    Post # 10
    Member
    5667 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Children do not belong at my wedding, though I feel that’s irrelevant to your question. If you requested children not be brought to your wedding then the adults need to honour your wishes.

    Post # 11
    Member
    964 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I am also having an Adult Only Reception.  My reason is the cost of food and also my ceremony and reception will take place at an estate that has a ton of valuables, which we really don’t have access to that side, and a VERY DEEP pool which the cocktail hour will be around and people would have access to it all night.

    Honestly I am more afraid of a drunk adult falling in the pool more than I am a child.  Usually when there are kids, especially younger kids the parents have to leave early because kids tend to get fussy not being able to roam around as they please.  I want everyone partying with me on the dance floor but kids are gonna be kids and I’m fine with that but the thought of them running around and that pool doesn’t sit well with me at all.

    I guess all you can do if they show up with their kids is to either turn them away or let them in.  So far I have mentioned this to a few guest and no one has complained about it.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2253 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @80sbee: I can see how you are worried. No bride likes cake tossed at her by a child. However, maybe you are worrying about this too much. If you have a feeling that some parents will bring unruly children maybe put some measures in that will cut down on the possible chaos. I’ve seen children’s tables at wedding with games or coloring books as mentioned above. Also, if you are worried about kids wrecking the cake, have someone keep an eye out for this happening. If parents become too intoxicated to even watch their kids, it’s time to call the family a cab. If kids get out of control and for some crazy reason decide to climb things, a quick word in the parent’s ear usually helps. My point is just have some people on the look out. That being said, you won’t know if people will even bring their kids so you’re probably stressing out for unneccessarily. There are other things I’m sure that need more focus than this. Just breathe. It will be alright.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1577 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I’m having a no-kids wedding.  It’s not that I dislike children, I just don’t think that they’re necessary at every social gathering.  I’m also worried that some people may bring kids, when we’re making it 100% clear that they are not invited.  A lot of the reason we are not inviting children is because of costs and space.  I don’t want to pay $40 for a child to pick at a plate.. then knock my cake over.  We’re keeping it age 16+, I think.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1829 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Wow, I don’t know what kind of weddings you’ve attended but I have never seen any behaviour even close to like what you described at weddings with children present!   Most weddings I’ve been to have included children of all ages and they have never been anything but well behaved.

    In my opinion, yes, kids do belong at weddings if their parents choose to bring them.  There was never any question as to whether or not I would invite children to my wedding – they are part of the family and therefore deserve to be included in family events.   We had approximately 30 children at our wedding under the age of 12 and they were beautifully behaved and really helped make our day complete.

    Maybe I’m just lucky but most people I know are able to determine whether or not it is appropriate for a child to attend a wedding (i.e. generally they don’t bring a toddler to a black tie formal affair, although they do appreciate the thoughtfulness of the child being invited).   And maybe I’m also lucky in that everyone I know who has brought their child/ren to a wedding has been able to monitor their child’s behaviour so as to avoid all of the issues listed above.

    I know it seems to be a popular trend to not invite children to weddings lately but as a soon to be mom now, if I were invited to an out of town wedding and my child/ren were not, I would automatically decline the invite.  An in town wedding may be a slightly different matter, but out of town, no way.  

    ETA:  I think there’s a bit more flexibility with the children of friends/colleagues but I think the children of family members (siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles) should be invited regardless.

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