(Closed) When your guests DO NOT respect your wishes….

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do children belong at weddings in your opinion?
    Nope! : (81 votes)
    33 %
    Of course : (100 votes)
    41 %
    16+ yes : (62 votes)
    26 %
  • Post # 76
    Member
    214 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We’re not inviting childred, except for my cousins 2 daughters as they’re family, and I hope no one complains about it! Kids aren’t really my thing and I don’t want to pay the extra $$ for them to have food they probably won’t eat, etc. We’re already over our max on people we wanted to invite and not having kids helps keep the list in check.

    Post # 77
    Member
    244 posts
    Helper bee

    i don’t mind kids at weddings.  1) if kids are getting smashed from an open bar, what is wrong with the venue for allowing kids to have alcohol?  2)  my family is responsible enough to not get wasted drunk in a wedding.  it’s not like they’ve never had alcohol before.  lol.

    Post # 78
    Member
    101 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I feel bad posting this but I do not want any child under the age of 14 at my wedding despite the fact that I’m dying to be a mommy.  I’m even hiring security to ensure no children are allowed in the wedding.

    It’s one of the only 2 requests I have.  I’m letting the guests know in advance that this is an adult-only event and that we are unable to accomodate children at this event. 

    The way I see it: I’m shelling out 95% of this budget alone and have every right to request this.  If a family doesn’t like it and refuse to attend, I will be sad they won’t be there but will get over it real quick.

    It’s your day and the guests sometimes forget this.  You’re going out of your way to ensure they all have a great time so the least they can do is ensure they abide by your wishes.  It all depends on what you want and will feel comfortable with at the wedding.

    ….just my two cents.

    Post # 79
    Member
    1856 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Well, we have a child, so rather obviously she’ll be there when we get married. However, I’m not offended if we’re invited to an adults-only wedding, and I certainly wouldn’t bring my daughter anywhere where it was made clear she wasn’t welcome. To each their own, and I understand budgets etc. But I probably would decline any invitation for a wedding where my daughter wasn’t welcomed, as anyone we’re close enough to would invite her and wouldn’t feel that she or any other child would ‘ruin’ the wedding.

    ETA: It’s just really terrible manners for any guest to bring anyone who isn’t invited to your wedding though – as the ones hosting the party, you’ve every right to decide who you’d like to be there. I personally don’t go for excluding children, but I also don’t go for parents thinking everyone in the universe has to want their child around all the time.

    Post # 80
    Member
    359 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I wish I could have an adult only wedding. I don’t like children and I really don’t want anything to do with them. Just won’t work with my family. Mom is making me have them and is calling me a Bridezilla just because I am worried that someone’s kid is going to cry during the ceremony, break something or mess with my cake at the reception, step on my dress or do other naughty things children do. Especially seeing as we are having all night open bar and I know some of the parents will be too drunk to deal with their rugrats. Hopefully my wedding planner steps it up and has my back like she said she would. Because my mom is oblivious and really doesn’t seem to care about my wishes. Just because the kids that were at her wedding a couple of years ago didn’t do anything bad does not mean that 15+ younger kids together at my wedding is not some potential for disaster. By The Way most of these kids are my mom’s friend’s kids I wouldn’t have originally even invited the parents but my mom is helping pay for the wedding so there is not much I can do. SO FRUSTRATING

    Post # 81
    Member
    803 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I am choosing not to vote in your poll because it’s too black and white.  Do kids belong at weddings?  My answer is, if the bride and groom want them there then yes!  If not, then no.

    I can’t imagine having my wedding without kids.  To me, a huge part of my wedding is going to be two families coming together.  That includes the little ones.  I am having alcohol served (and have had one wedding before with an open bar and kids, no problems).  I would feel a little empty without kids at my wedding, really.

    I actually think that it would take a VERY irresponsible set of adults (on the part of the parents and the bartenders) for an open bar to be a logistical problem when kids are at a wedding.  I don’t know any parents who would allow their children to get even close to throwing cake at a bride (or consuming alcohol in public at age 13, where were her parents?), and most of the parents I know would whisk a tantrum child away outside to the car to cry it out.  As for whether the parents would enjoy leaving the kids at home, it’s their choice to get a sitter or not.  At my first wedding, one father came up to me and said that it was his favorite wedding ever because he got to dance with his daughter (she was about 5 or 6 at the time).  You never know what parents will prefer but they’re old enough to procreate so they’re old enough to decide for themselves.

    I think if you get guests who bring kids despite your wishes, you should have a member of the bridal party or your mother or father kindly tell them that because it is an adult affair, they can’t wait to see how well-behaved the kids will be, but could they please keep an eye on their children to make sure the kids understand what an adult occasion it is?  This doesn’t help with the cost, but it seems like you’re really worried about kids misbehaving.  If someone uninvited does act up and the parents are AWOL, have a family member on deck who is willing to intervene and bring the offending child back to his or her parents.

    Post # 83
    Member
    2142 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    A wedding is a family celebration, a children are part of the family. I understand why logistically some people don’t want kids there, and that’s fine. Also, I don’t think everyone needs to get wasted at a wedding, it seems inapropriate and the problem is more that people aren’t watching their kids in that situation than that kids don’t belong there. parents should be responsible. 

    Post # 85
    Member
    141 posts
    Blushing bee

    I think it’s a case-by-case thing.

    Some people love the whole big, jovial family wedding, with all the children, and others love a more adult-friendly affair.

    I personally don’t like a lot of children at weddings, but I can understand that sometimes people want to include them in their special day.

    I am including my beautiful niece in mine (who will be tweo when I wed) because I couldn’t imagine not having her share in my special day. She is such a wonderful, loving addition to my family that she just belongs. She will be the only child I invite because she is my first and only niece (I have no nephews yet), and therefore a very special part of my life.

    However I am not allowing any other children to attend (and I don’t care how big a tantrum the parents chuck over how “unfair” it is).

    Post # 86
    Member
    811 posts
    Busy bee

    I said yes but my sister has three young kids and we all lived together for the first 3 years of their lives (6 years for the eldest) so I would be devastated if they weren’t there. Admitedly if she didn’t have them and other kids were misbehaving at the wedding I think I’d be annoyed and scowl at the parents lol

    Post # 87
    Member
    432 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We’re having kids at our wedding, but our wedding is only family and my Fiance has 2 neices and 2 nephews who will be 10, 7, 5 and 3 at the time of our wedding and my sister is pregnat so she’ll have a 14 month old. We just want our family to be with us and they’re family 🙂

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