(Closed) When your husband is too practical for romance

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Grafton86:  My husband is clueless too. He brought me flowers on my birthday and I almost fell out of my chair. His idea of trying to put the moves on me is to ask if I want to get in bed. He didn’t even give me a card on Valentine’s day. He’s already said “so we don’t have to celebrate our dating anniversary anymore, right?” Before he proposed he said, “well now I’m going to propose to you”  and then asked  

Lol. That said, like yours, he’s a great husband. He works hard, loves me, loves his family, treats me well. He’s just so not romantic. I’ve come to accept though I will admit there’s still that little sliver of hope that hopes one day…..

Post # 4
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Grafton86:  I don’t think you can ask someone to change their personality for you. Unfortunately if you wanted a romantic guy then you should of married a romantic guy.

His way of being a good partner differs from your way. Both ways are valid but you do both have to accept the differences.

Post # 5
Member
5224 posts
Bee Keeper

Grafton86:  I’d take the initiative. Start instigating the romance. You plan the surprise date night. Buy some pretty lingerie and candles for a surprise. Leave him a little love note where he’ll find it by accident, like his wallet. Woo him, but don’t go way overboard with it, or put any pressure on him to immediately reciprocate or be anything other than himself. See how he responds. Maybe if you get him comfortable with overt romantic gestures in general, he’ll eventually start to reciprocate after awhile?

 

Post # 6
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Akron, OH

Grafton86:  It’s not even that hard to ask for what you want out of the marriage, don’t think it’s too late. It’s not like you’re trying to change his personality — you just want to be wined and dined am I right? Nothing wrong with that. My guy isn’t always the most romantic either, but he does it for me because he knows it makes me happy. No harm in asking if he could bring you flowers once a month. Let him know what your romantic expectations are and let him know what you’re willing to give in return, I’m sure he’ll come around to the idea (:

Post # 7
Member
7903 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m very practical by nature, so I was pleasantly surprised that Fiance is more touchy feely romantic. It sounds like your guy is just not familiar with that romantic stuff and maybe finds it awkward, so you could lead by example. Maybe he’ll be way into it. 

As for your friend with the partner who plasters social media with his love for her, it seems sweet, but I sometimes wonder if those types of people who make it so public are actually compensating for something else. You’re lucky to have a good guy even if he’s not the most romantic!

Post # 8
Member
619 posts
Busy bee

Bridey77:  took the words out of my mouth!

Just because he hasn’t seen romance at home doesn’t mean he is incapable of being romantic. He just needs to know what to do. Perhaps you can lead him into it by saying “xyz would be a huge turn on. I think That if something like that were to happen, there would be a very handsome reward.” I mean, if he were to do something romantic, it would almost be like a new man, and that would have to heat things up a bit in bed 😉

Men are simple. Show him what works for you, and let him know it will improve your lives. Start slow and don’t expect too much, but make sure you follow through on your end too. Guys remember those things, and what gets them those things.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

 

Post # 9
Member
7418 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think it’s really unfair for you to call him “clueless.” He knows what romance is, and it isn’t him. He’s no more clueless about romance than you are about stoicism. 

I think you should ask him what are his ways of showing love. Chances are, he’s got his own little lovely ways and you’re just not recognizing them for what they are. Also you can consider planning together some romantic activities like a weekend getaway or a candlelight dinner.

Post # 10
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Grafton86:  Same deal here lady. I understand your pain. maybe we should mail each other love notes?  He’s not a touchy-feely kind of guy unless he’s wanting to have sex. His proposal was while we were in bed about to go to sleep in the dark. So I had to actually get up and turn on the light to see the ring on my finger. The words he used to propose were, “So will you marry me and stuff…?”  He’s a sweet man, is good to me, and we’re best friends. It’s just the way it is I guess! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

My SO is just like your hubby however his sister has divulged his father was the opposite. Now I feel like he saw his father as weak since his mother rarely shows affection and maybe that made his father seem like he chased after his mom?  But I digress.

SO has never and will probably never buy me flowers since “they die and are a waste of money” just like greeting cards that “just go in the garbage”. 

He knows that when I tell him such and such a day is date night he has to take care of it. Sometimes it means going to a wing place and watching the game and occasionally it means something a little fancy or fun like bowling/a movie. It’s been 3 years and he still whines about date night like a 5 year old being told to put away his video game lol

SO isn’t affectionate so I will ask for 2 mins of cuddle time or to hold hands… if I feel I want or need a little loving I just ask.  SOs idea of making a move is usually hey wanna do it? 

I’m getting used to it and pick up on his ways of showing love like when he does the dishes randomly or pats my leg. It’s not what I’m used to in a man but it works for us.

Post # 12
Member
1179 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Grafton86:  this is my situation almost exactly! It’s fine and all, I honestly accept it. he’ll try and it turns into such a failure it becomes comical. Like our 1 yr dating anniversary. He came home with a little thing of flowers saying “i got you a surprise” as he walked in the door. I said “you shouldnt have!!” and was so excited he remembered. until he said “I didnt. They were the centerpiece at the luncheon.”

But what kills me is that I accept how he is… And then he pulled off such a sweet surprising proposal. Like he’s been saving 2+ years of romance for that moment. No telling when I see that side again. 

Post # 13
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

weatherbug:  haha totally my Fiance. His line is “bed time?” Or a variation of that. He also said now that we’re engaged we don’t have to celebrate our anniversary this year…… Thanks, honey

Post # 14
Member
5954 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

Grafton86:  Sounds like there are a lot of unromantic men out there, mine included! Funny thing is I think he thinks he’s romantic. Lol! Nope. I miss it, too, but he’s a good guy so oh well. :-/

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