(Closed) When your maid of honour seems to not care about your friendship anymore?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee

Have you had a frank conversation with her? I think that’s the first step. If she is close enough to be Maid/Matron of Honor she is close enough to talk to. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  Shoot4theMoon.
Post # 4
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

katelyndawn89:  

 

I feel like you have two options: Either A) let it go and ride it out. You may be unhappy, but it will save the “friendship” or B) Talk to her in the most sensitive way possible about your concerns. The result of this option would be either she tells you what is wrong and the two of you move on and are still friends and she is still in the wedding, or she will freak out and drop. Either way it solves your problem of her being absent in your life.

 

It almost sounds like she is jealous that you are engaged. I have known friends who have had this happen. The other girl is sad/upset because you being engaged just shows them what they are missing. This isn’t very fair to you, but this may be how she is feeling. 

Post # 5
Member
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

katelyndawn89:  Are you seeing her regularly? Do you talk to her about her life, not just your wedding?

Why is it so hard to say ” ___, I feel like we are drifting apart. Is there anything going on in your life that I don’t know about? Have I said or done anything to offend you? Your friendship is important to me and I miss the closeness we used to have.”

Post # 8
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

katelyndawn89:  Perhaps when you approach her, you can start off by telling her that nothing will change between you two just because you are getting married. Maybe she is afaid that she will lose you as a friend when you become a married woman. Tell her you really want her to be involved in such a big part of your life and that is why you chose her as your maid of honor, but it makes you upset and confused as to why she isn’t more interested/hasn’t asked about your planning. Make it about positives and how much you want her to be a part of your big day, that way she doesn’t feel like she is being attacked for not participating.

I wouldn’t focus so much on trying to set her up. It could possibly make her feel like being single isn’t good enough for others and that she has to be in a relationship/married/engaged to be worth something to others. I am not saying that this is what you or anyone else is intentionally doing, but I just know from past experiences that this is how some people feel when others try to set them up/push them to “get out there and date”.

Post # 9
Member
11614 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

She has to share a bed with someone she doesn’t know in the B and B or a room? 

Aside from that, I think PP gave good advice. Just talk to her. And while it sucks, not everyone is going to be into he DIY stuff and wedding prep. It’s up to you if you find that disinterest worth changing friendships over. you ould just add another girl, someone who enjoys hearing that kind of stuff if you need/want that support.

Post # 10
Member
3244 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Yeah, not related to a wedding but I had a HUGE fallout with my bestie once and we didn’t speak for months. However, when we reconciled we both owned our part in it. Meaning we were close enough to fight but close enough to be humble, care about the friendship more than our own egos and actually say sorry. That’s a real friendship worth saving. If this chick can’t own her bad behaviour, she is too immature to be a friend who can be a support to you. Honestly, I would lay it all out there and tell her not to be defensive but just take some time to think about what you said. Also on a side note, unless she asks you to set her up, there is nothing more deflating and patronising than a happy attached person trying to find you a man. I was a long term single for a portion of my life. I grew very weary of friends trying to fix me. . .

Post # 13
Member
8450 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

katelyndawn89:  All the rest aside, I do think it is reasonable to object to sharing a bed with someone you don’t know (yet) esp as she seems unhappy . Saying you wouldn’t personally mind , is  –   with respect – not the issue.

Post # 14
Member
8686 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I wouldn’t want to stay at a B&B either. Some of your points are valid and if you really considered her a close friend at any point you would speak to her but other points I don’t agree with. 

who cares if she asks about DIY stuff? I don’t think she’s jealous either. She may be a crappy friend but I don’t see jealousy here. Talk to her.

Post # 15
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

DIY isn’t for everyone. I love my BFF, but she knows better than to try to drag me into a bunch of glue-gun & sequins adventures. I’ll come by after and bring the wine, thanks.

It sounds like maybe she feels left out. If she is the only single friend, and right now the focus is on your wedding, she could be feeling self-conscious, or left out. Maybe in your mind you aren’t talking too much about wedding stuff, but maybe to her it’s not true. If you don’t ask, you won’t know.

My brother and SIL basically ignored us during our wedding planning. It hurt and it sucked a lot, but it taught me a very valuable lesson: Don’t rely on other people for your happiness. At the end of the day, no one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are. Other people have stuff going on in their lives too. Ask yourself if you’ve been as supportive of her as possible (as you normally would, if you weren’t planning your wedding) and if no, ask yourself why not. Planning a wedding is fun and exciting, but eventually it will be over – what will your friendship look like then?

Also, I would not be cool sharing a bed with someone I don’t know.

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