(Closed) when your MOH is not supportive/interested (long)

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Maybe she doesn’ realize she’s coming across this way… or maybe she wants to step down as MoH and doesn’t know how to tell you. The only way to find out is to talk to her.

Post # 4
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Well, it sounds like she’s being kind of childish. If your other Maid/Matron of Honor is right that she’s worried your wedding is competition with her theoretical future wedding, she’s going to have to get used to it, because I’m guessing you won’t be the only one of her friends getting married ever. I hate the perpetuation that weddings are anything to be competitive about, mainly through shows like Four Weddings and uber trendy wedding blogs that make you think your wedding has to be The Best.

I would at the very least stop involving her in the nitty gritty planning and lean on your other Maid/Matron of Honor for that kind of help. As long as she doesn’t have any sort of outburst, then scaling back on including her with some of the details should solve the problem.

But if she starts getting tantrum-y and casting a black cloud over your wedding planning, that’s when you might want to ask your other Maid/Matron of Honor to mediate and let her know that weddings are not competitions, just a celebration for two people. Plus, the things that are popular or are trends now will not be when she gets married down the road, so she’ll have plenty of opportunities to make her wedding unique and different from yours when it’s her time.

Post # 5
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

she said she can’t deal….thats a deal breaker.

these people are not happy for you.

maybe you should think of having a smaller ceremony and party.

Send the email that you and your Fiance are overhaulling the whole theme of the wedding and you will announce the changes as they present themselves

Post # 6
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Some people are like this. I honestly don’t think they realize how hurtful their behavior is.  Just try to plan everything without her.  I barely talk to one of my MOH’s (I have 2 too) unless it has something to do with the dress.  I would never kick her out I know she’s going through a lot emotionally in her own relationship.

Post # 8
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

It sounds like she is not happy with where her own life is right now, and that can be a really difficult emotional hurdle for someone to overcome, especially in the face of several other people who are close to her getting the exact thing she so desires. If I were in your shoes, I’d stop trying to talk about ALL wedding stuff with her unless she specifically asks. You have 9 other bridesmaids to talk to about it. There’s no need to make her deal with it if it’s causing her issues, especially considering what she’s already done for you despite her own issues. I’d say she’s been a trooper so far, and should probably be cut some slack.

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