Post # 1
long story short i have a huge wedding party. 10 to be exact. it’s a mix of old friends and new(ish) good friends (I’m 33) and luckily i was happy that everyone is very down to earth. I’m having a NYC wedding thanksgiving weekend and I got all of them on an email chain togeher (only 2 out of the 10 live out of town).
Now I know that my shower date is planned and my bachelorette weekend has been booked (I don’t know any of the details) – BUT – over the last few weeks my co-maid of honor (i have 2) has been acting VERY strange and Its really bothering me.
My two MOH’s are actually equally good friends with each other as they are me, so that hasn’t been the issue. One of them has a 1 year old daughter and is not married and has honestly been amazing getting everythign together, even though she’s a single mom with a really demanding finance job. My other co-MOH is a bar manager and has been in a long term relationship for several years and is well – annoyed that she’s not engaged yet. She flipped out on me when i first went to look at an amazing venue on text message becasue it was her “Dream Reception Venue” – I had never heard her even metnon the place before. We ended up going wtih another location that was less money but now it seems every time we meet up and bring up wedding stuff she changes the subject. It’s really really really hurtful.
My other co-MOH basically said to me yesterday that she’s worried my wedding is going to be the event for all of our friends and she can’t deal with the fact mine is happening first (SHE’S NOT EVEN ENGAGED YET). I’m really hurt and don’t know what to do. I honestly feel like calling it all off.
I also moved to another nabe 5 months ago when me and my now Fiance got engaged, and my wedding is 8 months away and now I feel like I shouldn’t invite half the people I asked for addresses from because i don’t see them anymore. I feel like an idiot. I really thought she was a very good friend – i would have never thought this a possibility.
any advice would be great.
Post # 3
Maybe she doesn’ realize she’s coming across this way… or maybe she wants to step down as MoH and doesn’t know how to tell you. The only way to find out is to talk to her.
Post # 4
Well, it sounds like she’s being kind of childish. If your other Maid/Matron of Honor is right that she’s worried your wedding is competition with her theoretical future wedding, she’s going to have to get used to it, because I’m guessing you won’t be the only one of her friends getting married ever. I hate the perpetuation that weddings are anything to be competitive about, mainly through shows like Four Weddings and uber trendy wedding blogs that make you think your wedding has to be The Best.
I would at the very least stop involving her in the nitty gritty planning and lean on your other Maid/Matron of Honor for that kind of help. As long as she doesn’t have any sort of outburst, then scaling back on including her with some of the details should solve the problem.
But if she starts getting tantrum-y and casting a black cloud over your wedding planning, that’s when you might want to ask your other Maid/Matron of Honor to mediate and let her know that weddings are not competitions, just a celebration for two people. Plus, the things that are popular or are trends now will not be when she gets married down the road, so she’ll have plenty of opportunities to make her wedding unique and different from yours when it’s her time.
Post # 5
she said she can’t deal….thats a deal breaker.
these people are not happy for you.
maybe you should think of having a smaller ceremony and party.
Send the email that you and your Fiance are overhaulling the whole theme of the wedding and you will announce the changes as they present themselves
Post # 6
Some people are like this. I honestly don’t think they realize how hurtful their behavior is. Just try to plan everything without her. I barely talk to one of my MOH’s (I have 2 too) unless it has something to do with the dress. I would never kick her out I know she’s going through a lot emotionally in her own relationship.
Post # 7
yeah it’s too late to change the wedding plans – we’ve put the deposit and contract on the venue and sent word to my FH’s family and friends abroad (he’s from the UK) – so the train has left the station so to speak.
I think I’m going to use the tactic of just not involving her in little things – i mean she already spearheaded the bachelorette weekend and shower so I know she cares – I just think she’s in a place where EVERYONE else is getting married (her younger sister did just a few months ago, and another good friend of ours is next week) – and her boyfriend doesn’t even seem close. (he’s 6 years younger than her and doesn’t really have a career on track). I can’t say i dont’ know how she feels – 6 years ago my long term boyfriend that I lived with for 2 years broke up with me a month before I was a bridesmaid in 2 of my good friend’s weddings – so I’ve been there – but the being worried I’m going to top her just makes me feel wierd. I mean I don’t care enough to make this a competition – so stop being worried it’s going to be.
Also because i have such a small family we have the extra space to invite way more friends then i know she’ll be able to – (she has a HUGE family – her sister’s wedding only had about 25 non family members) – and I guess because I can invite everyone she’s worried my wedding is goign to be THE EVENT for our friends.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
It sounds like she is not happy with where her own life is right now, and that can be a really difficult emotional hurdle for someone to overcome, especially in the face of several other people who are close to her getting the exact thing she so desires. If I were in your shoes, I’d stop trying to talk about ALL wedding stuff with her unless she specifically asks. You have 9 other bridesmaids to talk to about it. There’s no need to make her deal with it if it’s causing her issues, especially considering what she’s already done for you despite her own issues. I’d say she’s been a trooper so far, and should probably be cut some slack.