- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
I know a lot of other bees have spoken of their experiences with crazy MILs, and I just wanted to kind of reach out for emotional support, i guess. I’ve been with my fiance for three years and we made it very clear to our families from early in the relationship that this was it for both of us. There’s a difference in religion (I’m an observant Jew and he was an agnostic from a devout Catholic family when I met him). His mother seemed to welcome me warmly from the very beginning. In fact, it was my mother who was tough, telling me that I was too young and inexperienced to make a real commitment.
And yet, while my mother after about a year began to warm deeply to him and really accept that he is committed to me (his conversion to observant Judaism probably helped that too), as soon as we got engaged, his mother turned against me. She’s been telling us to get engaged for years and that while she’d prefer him to be Catholic, she appreciates that he’s come back to having a relationship with G-d. She told me that she loved me, that she considered me her daughter, etc. She would call to talk just to me and I though we had a warm, caring relationship.
She barely congratulated us when we got engaged and told her over the phone. She was just so cold about it. Then, in December, when we spent the Christmas vacation with them, she sat us both down with her new husband and just ripped into me., saying that she needs to put everything out on the table She doesn’t like me, she’s never liked me. I’ve always just been a Jew to her who’s stealing her son. She’s said she’s never going to be ok with our religion and family, and then threatened not only not to come to our wedding, but also not to see her grandchildren.
My fiance is completely on my side as are his father and stepmother. My parents are loving, wonderful people who are super supportive. I just can’t seem to quite get over it, though. First, I was really angry, but now I’m just really sad. I feel like I failed, that I spent three years building a relationship that was all ultimately one-sided. Maybe it’s just my pride, offended that someone could dislike me so much. I thought I was a good daughter-in-law, I genuinely thought she liked me. I have a good education, I adore her son, I treat her and her entire extended family with love and respect, love children and want to have at least three, and I asked her daughter to be my Maid of Honor instead of either of my best friends. I teach religious school on Sundays and wear pearls to all formal events, for crying out loud! In three years, I have never once asked her what she puts in her meatloaf; I’m sure it’s probably not kosher, but to spare her feelings, I always have seconds. And yet, after all that, I’m just not good enough for her. Next time I see her, I swear to goodness I’m going to wear my hoochiest top (the kind that when you put it on, you look straight down the neckline and say “ooh, I can see my bellybutton!”) and drop at least six cusswords. If nothing I do has counted for anything, then I might as well have fun, I suppose!
Anyways, I was just hoping that maybe someone else might have some insight on how to get over the Mother-In-Law depression. When I try to get excited about the wedding, I just feel so sad.