(Closed) When your parents won't be at your wedding…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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modernriot:  I’m going through something similar. Its heartbreaking. They don’t even try and that makes me feel worthless and unloved and has basically ruined this process for me. Without mother help I am basically spending money like a crazy person and lack confidence in any sort of decision making. Its so incredibly hard. I guess all we can do is our best <3

Post # 32
Member
536 posts
Busy bee

 

modernriot:  I am in a very similar boat. What makes my situation suck more, I have no friends and the little family that I talk to is like 10. My Fiance has an invite list of 80 guests. I was going to elope orginally because it upsets me and I dont want people thinking I am pathetic. Then I decided why should I be punished out of a wedding. So I sucked it up and carried on with planning of a regular wedding. I still get depressed knowing I have to walk myself down the aile. That there will be a mother son dance but no daughter father dance. Little things like that upsets me and I am sure the day of will be worse. It almost makes thinking eloping or having a smaller wedding with just really close friends (of FI) would have been better. If we didnt put payments down already, I think I would have gone that route. Good luck withyorus.

Post # 33
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

Ok this is very hard for me too. I have found out that not just my parents won’t be attending my wedding but my entire family won’t be attending. Has anyone dealt with this before. This is heart breaking. What would you do please give me some sort of advice.

Post # 34
Member
17 posts
Newbee

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SellyJo:  OK at least I feel I’m not the only one going through wedding problems I just recently got engaged and me and my fiance decided to get married on an island which is off the west coast of Ireland where we are from its just forty five minutes on a boat but my mother will not go on it  she has some stomach problems and some reduced mobility but I would be going over the night before with her so I would look after her even if she went on a wheelchair on the boat they can lift her off.this is the only place we want to get married we said I t years ago  it’s very special to us and now I feel like it’s being ruined .I mean I do try to look after my mam most of the time and this is just one day I don’t know what to do my fiance reckons she is ruining it for us

Post # 35
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

My parents won’t be attending as they have never supported us as couple and have bo t bother to meet my fiancé or welcome him into our family. 

I told them they wouldn’t be there (we are having no one) and they were surprised and insulted een though they have NEVER said anything nice about us or my fiancé. 

I am okay with it. I thankbthem for a happy childhood but they have not supported me since I started making my own decisions. I cannot help they they can’t be happy for me. I am SO happy for me and us that I have learned to not let it get to me. 

Post # 36
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My mum couldn’t come to my wedding – by the day she’d been gone nearly 8 years. My father on the other hand, didn’t receive an invitation. He was never going to get one. I don’t regret it at all. I found out earlier this year he was gutted, and still couldn’t wrap his head around it. That felt good. Sometimes it’s better off not having those people there. It would have felt fake and forced, and I don’t think I would have liked that. I’m happy with my decision, and the “you should have invited your dad” comments sizzled out after a month or two.

Post # 37
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I’m in the same shifty boat. My mother enjoys a huge,lavish weddind (portuguese) but refuses to assist (money is not an issue for them). My Fiance decided to do a destination wedding. Mind you I know Yardley anyone will show up,but I would expect my parents. Nope.. my mother states she is “too afraid” to fly. I reminded her the last time she flew was when she was 2. Also she stated that my father doesn’t like to go to wedding….we are portuguese, he’s been to many and counting. So yea, no dance with dad, no unity…nothing. Maybe it is better this way.

Post # 38
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I understand your pain. My family says they wont also come. I dont understand people these days. i want our wedding to be in Thailand as I and fiance meet there after dating onlne for over 6 months . We got engaged there and have special feelings about that place. The problem here is that I am Polish , my fiance is Nepalese . We wont do church marriage or any nepalese traditional weddings ,only the civil marriage. Since my family lives in Poland and his family in Nepal I though that the easiest would be to go to Thailand and do it there. Since no one can provide insurance , schengen visa and money support for all the family from Nepal if the wedding took place in Europe. Also the cost of flight is huge if the Nepalese came to Poland and our wedding budget is not so big. As you maybe know the hindu families are huge , at least over 50 guest . My family is small , no more than 20 people so its easier to go Thailand for them since they dont need visa . I dont know why my family is so evil. Its not like I will send them to a war zone. I will be providing them food, accomondation , fligt cost and other needs. My fiances family doesnt have problem , they will come and they like the idea of having wedding in Thailand with the reasoning I have given to them. I hope that at least my small brother will come otherwise I will be the unhappiest bride on Earth. I feel lonely since my birth , no one wants to sacrifiace 2 days of their life for me. I am so upset. They are healthy and have money…its not like they have some problem with my fiance either …they just dont like to go Thailand because its too far for them… And I feel its weird because if someone else ask they would fligh right away without any negativeness …

Post # 39
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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Cosette5:  im going through the same thing, im getting married in 2 weeks and its seems like my dad wont be able to attend due to health issues..did you mention it anywhere in your wedding program about why your mom wasn’t there? i would like to acknowledge it but not able to figure out how..i would prefer to have it written in the wedding ceremony program….

Post # 40
Member
4226 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

My parents weren’t at my wedding either. In fact, I didn’t invite ANYONE from my family. Just my DH’s family and a few friends. There were only 30-something people at my wedding.

I was a little sad about it leading up to things, but in all honesty it was a RELIEF! My wedding would have been a disaster if my parents would have been there! Trust me, it’s a little hard thinking bout all those ‘halmark moments’ you wont get to have…but think about all the other moments that would be ruined if your parents were there. 

Stay strong Bee <3

Post # 41
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

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modernriot:  so how did the wedding go ? 

Im going through the same thing 

Post # 42
Member
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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hssz:  This topic was three years ago and it doesn’t seem the OP has any recent topics. I doubt a response will be given unfortunately. 

Post # 43
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

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missebelle:  agree 100% this is about you and your fi.. Your getting caught up in all the wedding hoopla of first dance and walking down aisle. thats wedding stuff not marriage. 

Post # 44
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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modernriot:  here are many factors contributing to our decision to elope, but the fact Fiance worries we’d need a restraining order against my dad is a big one.

I ahve been encouraged by group T to stay in what’s called “No Contact” (NC) with both of my bi-polar, manic-depressed, borderline parents.  Abuse is pretty obvious, and so being beat and slapped is easy for people to understand, but the neglect and mind games I was subject to are a lot harder to explain.  I lived with 2 adults, but raised myself and took care of each of them in turn.  Being kicked out by dad at 19 and being NC with om after several starts and stops is really the best thing for me.

Fiance was uncomforatble with his own family ebing present – mostly his mohter and his sister for emotional reasons, and his dad pyscailly can’t make it to the kitchen let alone whereever we’d choose to get married.  

So, for simplicities sake, we are having a destination elopement, and unless my dad has a passport and my flight number, won’t be showing up to ruin it.

Post # 45
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I feel for you OP I really do. 

Neither of our fathers attended our wedding in the end. It’s a very long story but ultimately we decided that the day would be better for not having them there (both of us have messed up families in their own way). It hurt at first, but we had a wonderful day, and ultimately I think we made the best decision for us. 

Stay strong OP, and enjoy your day for what it is. Yours and your FIs. 

*edit – my bad! Didn’t notice this topic was sooooo old! 

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