(Closed) When your parents won't be at your wedding…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

modernriot:  i hope u can tell l about ur wedding how did it turn out to be? Please ..

Post # 47
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I’m in a similar situation, my mother is a religious fanatic, she’s been verbally abusing me about my wedding. Some of the words used are.

“don’t you care if you go to hell”

“God will nullify your marriage because it’s not in a church”

“after spending years in uni, why are you so stupid to oppose your religion” err not my religion, yours mom.

“find someone else to marry” umm.. my partner is agnostic and I’m a straight out atheist so that won’t work.

“if your not having it in the church, don’t even bother having a wedding because no one in your family will be there” 

” your selfish, the wedding is not for you its for your family”

i moved far away from my home town and have made new friends so it’s difficult for me to decide where to have my wedding because i would love my family to be there. However after considerable thought and reading up on similar situations, I’ve decided to not feel guilty and not cave in to family expectations or else my wedding will be fake and miserable just so others will be happy. So I thought, years down the track the wedding will be long forgotten by others and only you and your partner will cherish that day so make it all about you. I decided to elope in Santorini next year and honeymoon around Europe since I haven’t had the chance to travel much and would love to do that before I settle down. I guess its worked out well in my mind since we don’t have much to splurge, id might as well splurge on something I can have wonderful memories of. 

Post # 48
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2018

First, I want to say that I’m sorry that individuals had to go through something like this during a time that is supposed to be one of the happiest.

 

I’m going through this right now. My parents are fundamentalist Christians and I’m Agnostic (leaning more towards atheism) and so is my partner. During a discussion about what we would need to do culturally with my parents, they brought up the whole church wedding topic. My Fiance launched into a speech that we had both discussed earlier and I support him through it. For years, I feigned belief for the sake of my parents and their social reputations. I finally “came out of the closet and told them of my religious stance (or lack thereof). My parents just shut down. My mother, like a child, stormed off to her bedroom to start wailing prayers and my Father just flat out said that he refuses to participate.

It’s really affecting mt Fiance much more than it is me because I expected all of this. I had already decided to live my life the way that I want and not just follow every order and desire of my parents. Luckily, my siblings and close friends will be by my side that day and my FI’s Family fully support us and will be there for us. 

People who choose not t be a part of my life are the ones missing out, not me.

Post # 49
Member
33 posts
Newbee

I’m going through the SAME thing. Wedding is in 30 days, I have a strained relationship with my mom and mom has a strained relationship with everyone else. Our wedding is small, and she is coming, although threatening not too. I think at this point, and maybe for you, it’s for the best they’re not there so you can fully ENJOY your day with your SO. Good luck, chin up, don’t let it get you down. 

 

sending love and hugs! xxxx

Post # 50
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

missebelle :  She did choose her parents wedding anniversary for her wedding, and it sounds like the parents strongly objected to her fiance, so I don’t know if I’d call the “wrong” on this one.

Post # 51
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

weddingbee230 :  This is probably your wedding day.  I wonder how it all worked out.  Maybe your mother wasn’t “threatening” not to attend as much as just feeling it would be for the best for all concerned.

Post # 53
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I haven’t spoken to my parents yet, she always sends me messages about god and church, I haven’t told her about me being agnostic, I’m leaning more towards agnostic now. Last time I visited her she keep praying for my soul and made me feel uncomfortable. I think she needs to see a psychologist, she thinks the world is going to end soon and pushing her family away, my sisters depressed because now that I don’t contact her, she lashes out at her and she keep trying to convert her current partner. I’m putting my wedding on hold until I can afford it so I don’t stress. But I’m sticking by my decision to Elope and maybe have a few close friends come if they want to. 

Post # 54
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I got married on 20th may 2017 & my parents did not attend my wedding. I’m an only daughter and have been with my now husbund for 7 years. My fiance and me booked our wedding for 1st Oct 2016 – when I told my mother she cried and they were not happy tears, she told me she was disappointed in me, I said that I was paying for the wedding completely myself and just ask her to be happy for me she told me she couldn’t. She refused to cone dress shopping with me or have anything to do with it. My dad said she would cone around but never did….A few month later she caused a huge argument and stopped speaking to me. Me & my partner changed the wedding date and venue hoping that if it was closer to home and futhur in the future it would give time for her to cone around. She never did. Every birthday / occasion card I sent my parents the sent back, when she saw us in the street she would call us names – when I sent the wedding invite they sent it back, she threatened to cone and tell my guests awful things about me….my auntie also sent the invite back…..We had 95 guests to the day and 150 to the night – only 4 if them we my family, I paid for a seat for my parents, included them in the table plan, I even bought them gifts for the speeches just incase they changed thier mind- I had to tell the registrar; who was wonderful to me – just before I walked down the aisle she came to see me and confirmed tgey were not there- which made it easier during the ceremony I wasn’t worried about them creating……just after getting married my auntie who was miserable all day said “well u’ll have to live with this for the rest of ur life” what had I done wrong?! My sister in law & photographer put me in my dress, I walked myself down the aisle, the top table was a sweetheart table with just me & my husbund. The most special day of my life was also a difficult one – my mother has been awful to me since a child but for the first time in 33 yrs I couldn’t hide it – everyone ask questions and I had no option but to tell the truth…..im not gonna lie it was hard! But all my guest friends and my partners family were happy and dancing, celebrating and making it special for me! My wedding was beautiful – I married I wonderful man – the morning after was hard – reality hit – how could the do that to thier only daughter?? I’m 33 yrs old, a ward sister on a busy hospital unit, I’ve bought my own home – this was the icing on the cake for me a little family – and they couldn’t be happy for me. I feel as though ‘mother’ that is just a word to me now…..initially I kept blaming myself, although as hard as I tried she kept moving tge goal post – nothing was ever good enough. Would I change my wedding day? Absolutely not! I held my head up high…..walked myself down the aisle to the man that actually loves me – and would never let me down on anything that was special to me – be strong ladies & gents! Check my wedding video out on teififilms.co.uk ‘Hannah & Gareths’ short version….looking at that you would never believe I was burdened with all this! But when I was planning reading these posts made it easier for me – I felt like the only person going through this…..im not gonna lie there will be moments that are really tough – but I’d love to do my wedding day again – and if I had the chance I wouldn’t of bothered wasting time on people that don’t care about me! They were the one that choose not to be there – and they are the ones that have to live with it for the rest of thier life!

Post # 55
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

jollywood83 :  Congrats on your wedding.  I have come to learn family is who takes the time for you, not just a designation of shared DNA.  

Post # 56
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

LORDY………….  People this post is 4 years old!!!   If you have a current issue similar and want to post…… WRITE A NEW POST.   I doubt the Original Poster has been back in several years!

Post # 57
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Nothing wrong with keeping older posts alive – I LIKE seeing how similar stories have turned out.  

Post # 58
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I won’t be attending my daughter’s wedding.  Oh, how I wish things were different.  My daughter is in an abusive relationship but says everything will be fine.  He promises to do better.  I have had to step back to wait for her and see if she ever really learns what is going on because she is blind to the disaster that is about to unfold.  Before I get bashed, he has an “abuse” case currently active in court against a close female relative right now and has had several past battery charges just to name a few marks against him.  His criminal/financial past is horrific.  I cannot give my blessing to this marriage.  According to my daughter……”Mom, I love him and we are  happy.”  Be careful to judge, you may not know what is going on behind the scenes. Please be supportive but don’t be phony if you do know the truth.  Sometimes the truth needs to hurt so it will wake you up.

Post # 59
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2019

modernriot :  well the hardest decision is making a decision.  Stick to your guts and it will all work out.  I am so sorry this is happening.  hopefully it will all work out for the best.  Stay strong!

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