(Closed) When your spouse doesn’t support your goals…

posted 8 years ago in Fitness
Post # 3
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Is he maybe projecting because he feels that you are ‘putting him to shame’ by exercising so much when he prefers to snack while watching TV?

Or can you maybe bring him to an appointment with a nutritionist/personal trainer/physician so you can discuss how what you’re doing is healthy? If he really is worried about your health, that might be a way to deal with it.

Post # 4
4886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This is really tough.  I can see both sides of the story too as I’ve been there, on both sides.  I think what you need to do is sit him down and really tell him why this is important to you… but at the same time you need to set a realistic training schedule that still allows time for you two to connect.  It sounds like he’s already feeling abandoned, and is afraid of it happening even more while you train. 

It’s a crap situation because you’re doing great things for yourself and it’s hard to not have his support – but you shouldn’t let him change your mind about doing this.  Try to see things from his perspective and ask the same of him.  Would he ever consider training with you, even if its just a walk?  Training for a half can be time consuming and difficult, and many people get some kind of injury that affects other parts of their lives.

Maybe he’s proud of you inside but starting to resent the hard work it takes for you to have come this far (and go farther).  Do you think he might have issues with his own phisique and seeing your accomplishments is just rubbing it in?

Post # 7
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

First off…congratulations on losing so much weight and having such an awesome goal! I’d also love to try to run a half marathon as one of my life goals! 

I find that unless someone is a runner, they have a hard time understanding the “runner’s high” and why you set goals for yourself like this. Sitting down and explaining to your husband exactly why you want to do it and what your training schedule will be will help tremendously! I also have a few websites that can help you train for a beginner half marathon trainer. I trained for a 10 miler with it, and it worked great. 

I think you just need to talk to him and ask him why he’s so against it. Saying “just because” or that you’re going overboard with your workouts isn’t a good enough reason. If you do this the healthy way by taking at least 12 weeks to train, you’re making sure your body isn’t prone to injury and doing this the smart way. 

My mom is similar to your husband, but she always thinks that we’re going to keel over from running one day. It’s a whole different story, but perhaps there’s something behind his unwillingness to support you.

Post # 9
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

@7SEVENJ9:  Do you have a history of weight issues or eating issues?  Perhaps he is concerned that focusing on something like this will bring back some of those issues?

Post # 11
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

@7SEVENJ9: I don’t consider myself a runner either, but I still get that runners high. That’s what you’re talking about when you race and you see that clock at the end. When you run a personal record in that 5K and just feel amazing afterwards…its’s such a sense of accomplishment! So I totally know what you mean! 

With the race next September, you have soooo much time to train. That will help you with building up your endurance and if you want to, your speed. You’ll feel so accomplished afterwards and it’s definitely something you should do! 

Maybe you can convince your husband to do it with you? Have him train for a couch to 5K first…then race a few 5Ks with him. Once you do 3 miles, you can definitely start to train to do a half marathon. Even if it is slow and steady. I finished my 10 miler in an hour and 47 minutes. That’s 10:45 minute miles…but darnit…I finished it! That was in May…and I just finished a 5K on Sunday in 27:55…just under 9 minute miles. So it’s absolutely doable as long as you train the right way. 

Good luck and hope the talk goes well tonight! 

Post # 12
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

@7SEVENJ9:  In that case I think he’s just being a poop.  I think others who have said perhaps he is jealous of the time you will dedicate to training and the fact that you will be in better shape than him are probably right.  Talk to him about how you think it’s really important to you to set goals for yourself and acheive them.  And how hurtful it is that he doesn’t support you.  Be firm and serious and see how he reacts.

Also.. if you do it let me know : ) I just finished my first 10K this weekend and I’m considering training for a half marathon too.  But if I get pregnant between now and then I probably won’t go through with it!

Post # 14
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

My husband never really doesn’t support me (which is why I like him- I have a lot of crazy schemes).. but if he didn’t, I would ignre him. If you want to run a marathon that is GREAT! I don’t really see what’s wrong with wanting to be healthy if you’re not hurting yourself. If he’s jealous, he should join you!

Post # 16
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m a distance runner, and my husband doesn’t really enjoy the last half of any training plan – you know, when you’re spending time at the gym, and heading out for a 10 miles on Long Run Saturday. So I have a few thoughts for you. 🙂

1. The race is next september? If you can slog out about 5ish miles right now, you don’t need to start hard core training (like following an 11 or 13 week program), you can just work on maintaining a base. Maybe he’s freaking out b/c he’s hearing “I’m going to be training for this thing for nearly a year.”
2. Be honest with him. I’d be really hurt if Darling Husband said he wouldn’t support me or come to the race. Let him know that this hurts your feelings.
3. Get him involved somehow. If it’s a community race, maybe there is a 5 or 10 k he can do and train for with you. Or maybe he can volunteer somehow for the race.

Congrats on a race a month! That’s awesome! Good luck with your Husband!

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