(Closed) When your two Best Men are at each other's throats, 2 months before the wedding

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
8409 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
dkzelda :  Sorry, but I think brother 2 has the better argument. Protecting your kids from deadly diseases is more important than trying to prevent an adult’s hurt feelings. Although, I’m not clear on why you’re in the middle of this. What are you worried about? Sorry if I missed it.

Post # 3
30393 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why are you making this your problem? If anyone should be concerned it would be your Fiance, but even he has no business getting iin the middle of his brothers’ disagreement.

They have assured you that noting will happen between them that would affect your Fiance or the wedding. What more can you realistically expect?

Post # 5
9439 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Sorry, but I don’t think you can be over-the-top pro-vaccination. Being anti-vax is a public health issue and quite frankly I wouldn’t let anyone who was anti-vaccination near my kids either. It’s not an unreasonable stance to take.

But like PP said, I don’t understand why the hell you are in the middle of it. Just butt out. It is not your place to get involved. Leading up to my wedding my mom and brother weren’t even speaking to each other. HUGE drama was going down between them because both were being stubborn asses. You know what I did? Stayed the hell out of it and assumed they could behave like adults on our wedding day. And everything was absolutly fine, they actually ended up working it out themselves before the wedding. But even if they hadn’t, they would have plastered a smile on thier face and faked it.

Post # 6
3046 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

This is a problem but its not your problem, butting out sounds like a good plan. They can figure this out without your involvement.

Post # 7
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

Maybe it seems like Brother 2 and his wife are being the more dramatic of the feuders, but their argument is the only one that stands up to science. Maybe Brother 1 and his family aren’t as in your face with their family decisions and what their expectations of those around them are, but their decisions DO affect those around them. This is probably what’s got Brother 2 so fired up. If I had to take a side, it would definitely be with #2.

That being said, you don’t know what’s going to happen, and you have many, many years left with these people as your in-laws. Best to follow the advice already given by PPs and stay out of it. Let them make asses of themselves if that’s what it comes down to. It’s not worth stirring the pot more by jumping in.

Post # 8
3593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

If I was going to take a side, I’d also say Brother #2. However, it doesn’t matter whose side I’m on. This is something that is out of your control. You’ll have to trust they’ll work this out in their own. It’s not worth getting involved in the drama. 

Post # 9
2229 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Don’t punch anybody in the face

… their baby, their rules. You sound crazy 

Personally I agree with bro #2

Post # 10
13646 posts
Honey Beekeeper

No sympathy for brother # 1. Underneath his facade of pseudo reasonableness and pseudo science he’s the more dangerous and offensive one. If the tension is untenable, then Fiance will have to decide if it’s worth it to have the bachelor party. Most of them would be better off cancelled as far as I’m concerned anyway.

I would not knowingly allow a baby anywhere near unvaccinated children or in my home. Direct contact is not the only way to get sick. 



Post # 11
3862 posts
Honey bee

This is just all kinds of wrong. You have NO place in this, so Butt Out.

This line actually made me laugh:

I want to force them to sit down and talk it out.





Post # 12
1197 posts
Bumble bee

Hearing about it from your Fiance and dealing with how it is affecting him must be frustrating. I feel for you on that score. All PPs have it right though. Back away slowly and ignore the mess.

I do NOT see both sides of the argument to be valid, but it’s not my place or yours to get in the middle of a disagreement between two grown men. 

Post # 13
2165 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

You cannot force the 2 men to do anything, talk, sit, or change their minds. I am pro-vax too. But you don’t have a horse in this race and the 2 guys are entitled to manage their children as they see fit. A shame for #1’s kids if this anti-vax thing goes wrong, though. You still can’t do anything about it. 

Sometimes you have to let others live their own lives and make their own decisions regardless of how much your Fiance deserves a nice bachelor party.

Post # 14
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Well, you’re this upset about your FI’s feelings at his bach party so imagine how brother 2 feels about the life of his baby.

now maybe brother 1 doesn’t seem so innocent. 

I got whooping cough as an adult from people who don’t believe in vaccines, and it was so awful. It can kill a baby. So yeah, pay for that TDAP and if I knew someone was anti-vax, they wouldn’t see my kid until /if it was safe.

All of that said, PP are right on, this is literally not your business. Brother 1 made a choice, brother 2 responded for his family. This has zero to do with you, but you are in danger of making it seem like the real issue here isn’t the health/life of their baby, but your FI’s feelings at his bach party. 

Back way outta this. You had good intentions but you’re not seeing the whole picture.

Post # 15
903 posts
Busy bee

While they may seem over the top, I agree with PPs and side with brother 2 on this.

I guess the question I have though is, does brother 2 plan on bringing his new baby to the wedding? If so, I would think it would be nearly impossible to get every single one of your guests to update all of their vaccinations. I guess unless it’s immediate family only or something. 

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