When you're Green with Envy…

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Hey, we’ve all been there… Don’t worry, I am sure you are not alone…probably other family/friends feel the same way as you do. I’m actually jealous just reading your post! It is so hard to not compare your wedding/life to theirs. Not fair how some people get everything.

I guess I would definitely put her on limited profile(maybe not go as far as blocking on Instagram, Snap, Facebook) but make it so that it’s somehow out of sight out of mind. Maybe talk to your Darling Husband about future plans, like a vaction or something that your both can look forward to and move ahead. 

Post # 3
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

This is why I dislike social media sometimes: people appear to have this lavish lifestyle and it seems everyone is at odds to keep up with the joneses. Honestly not all that glitters is gold, and bigger doesn’t always mean better. It’s this weird FOMO (fear of missing out) not being apart of something big or exciting or even being able to produce something similar on your own .

Post # 4
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

You have absolutely no idea what their life is really like. You just know what they’re choosing to share with you. 

It can be hard to remember tbat but would you trade places with her really? Would you give up what you and your husband have built together for what she was gifted? 

I guarantee you that there is someone in your life who is envious of what you have too. 

Post # 5
Member
9656 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Don’t compare your reality to someone else’s social media presence. People tend to only share the good on social media and it can easily make it look like they have perfect lives. Honestly, if it’s causing you unhappiness to follow her on social media then I would take a break from social media for awhile.

And trying to change your attitude about things can go a long way as well. I’ve been jealous of all my friends/family who have bought houses recently because my husband and I aren’t in a place to do that, in fact we won’t be for quite awhile. But thinking about all the good things we do have and remembering what’s important and why we aren’t buying a house right now has helped me tone down the jealousy a lot.

Post # 6
Member
2690 posts
Sugar bee

You have to remember that most people potray themselves on social media to have everything perfect. But in reality things are messier behind closed doors. So keep that in mind, too. 

I agree with putting her on limited profile. 

Try and adjust your attitude. What’s more important? What is truly important in this life? If your answer is vacay and not a good, solid marriage where you’re financially responsible, then you’ve got some major issues to resolve!!

Post # 7
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I know it sounds cheesy but just be thankful everyday for what you have that money can never buy – a body that works, a sound mind, a Darling Husband who genuinely loves you for who you are.

And not to get all sanctimonious but if you have access to clean water and a toilet, you are in the top wealth of the whole world so never forget how blessed you really are in life. I spent 2 months working in Africa with my job and I interacted with people who had literally nothing. I remember visiting a family and the mother was saying how happy she was now that she owned a few mis-matched plastic dishes (her pride and joy) and that her children were no longer sleeping on the dirt floor but on blankets. 

Always remember how fortunate you really are. It will change your perspective. 

 

Post # 8
Member
36 posts
Newbee

I feel the same way as you sometimes, as SIL seems to also have a perfect life! Jealousy sucks and it’s hard to get over sometimes. However, like PP had mentioned, you only see what they choose to post on social media. And typically, what people post is only what they want others to see- the happy, perfect aspect of their life. 

This is kind of an extreme example, but an old friend of mine looked like she had the most perfect life. They bought a huge lakeside estate, had 2 perfect kids, and were always travelling to exotic locations and everything really looked perfect from her FB account. It turned out that her husband has been cheating on her all along and got the mistress pregnant. So really, what we see on social media really isn’t how things are. Like I said, it is a super extreme example and I don’t wish that on anybody, but it goes to show that we really don’t know what’s happening in other people’s lives. I know its hard, but try and focus on your life and the life you built with Darling Husband and see the beauty in that versus what everyone else is doing 🙂

Post # 9
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee

Halo094 :  I know exactly how you feel but a different topic.

ive been with my boyfriend a year and a half now and I had a roommate living with me who was my best friend. She dated it guys never stuck around at all, and then she found someone and bam 4 months later they’re engaged. Then they buy a house.. and now the wedding is soon. It all happened so fast and we aren’t close at all anymore. I’ve been waiting to marry my bf for awhile now and when she got engaged it felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. 

Post # 10
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’ve been there.  I’ve cheered on lots of friends having many kids and I’ve had nothing but miscarriages. And remembering the standard of living in sub-Saharan Africa doesn’t necessarily help with the in-the-moment feelings.  I say: give yourself a moment to validate your own feelings. Acknowlege them. Note that they’re human and honest.  But then don’t dwell on them.  You’re living your life, not anyone else’s, so all you can do is live your own life the best you can.  Being as kind and honest and human and happy as you can.

Post # 11
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee

Why don’t you deactivate Facebook for a bit?  

Most people on Facebook have seemingly more interesting lives than I do lol but I don’t get angry at anybody in particular.  I just get a little sad– WHICH IS WHYY deleting Facebook is so refreshing!! It’s really hard to constantly look at your life in comparison to the lives of others- especially when everything is so embellished!  I bet your relationships will improve also.  Honestly some of my closest friends have the most annoying Facebook presences and I’ve unfollowed them simply because I want to have a positive perception of them when we hang out. 

Post # 12
Member
610 posts
Busy bee

This is why I deleted fb a while back.

It was making me very down and I felt worthless, like I had no life, was ugly and never did anything exciting.

It was liberating

Try it, just for a week.

Post # 13
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Time to disconnect from social media. My life isn’t perfect or extravagant on social media but I know that I wouldn’t trade my life with anyone else because I truly do have a loving, healthy relationship. For all I know, other people have better social media accounts thsn me but their actual life doesn’t at all measure up. The grass is never greener on the other side. 

 

Also, everything your sil has is a result of money and money makes an incredible wedding (in some respects) but not an incredible marriage. 

Post # 14
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

I know it can be hard to see someone else’s perfect seeming life and not get jealous.   We’ve all been there,  and will likely go there again some time.   But I think the key is to focus on what you do have and what makes you happy.   For instance,  I have a low paying job that isn’t very glamorous or exciting and I used to be envious of friends with well paying exciting jobs.   Their whole life seems so much more put together than mine.   But then I remember that I love my job,  I’ve chosen my job because I love it not because of what it pays.  And I make a good enough living at it,  I have everything I need.   How many people can say they love their job?  And one friend who I used to compare myself to makes a lot of money,  I used to be so jealous of her.   But then I saw that she is stressed all the time,  she barely ever had down time,  and she seems to hate her job.   So I put all of that into perspective.   Sure I could’ve chosen her career path as well,  and I could be making that amount of money,  but I would be sacrificing my own happiness.   And to me is not worth it.   Once I figure that out,  I stopped feeling jealous,  in fact I feel a bit sorry for her. 

My point is that just because someone’s life looks amazing on the outside,  it doesn’t mean that it is.  You never know what someone had to sacrifice to get those things.   And even if they didn’t have to sacrifice and everything was just handed to them,  it’s good to remember what your journey was to get where you are.  Maybe her path in life was paved in gold and yours wasn’t.   Well,  that’s what makes you who you are.  And that’s what makes all the things you’ve accomplished in your life all the more special.   They wouldn’t be if someone had handed them to you. I often think to myself about how long and bumpy my road has been.   And yes,  I would’ve loved to take a different path,  but I didn’t.   And despite my long journey,  I’ve come so far from where I was and that’s something worth being proud of. 

I don’t know if any of this helps,  or makes sense,  or if I’m just babbling now,  but I hope it helps in finding some peace. 

Post # 15
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

I think it’s completely human to be envious at times. 

Just remember that just because someone’s life looks perfect, doesn’t mean it is perfect. Always have gratitude for your life and the people around you smile

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