(Closed) When/How did you decide your maid of honor?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Go ahead and have two MOH’s! My DH had two Best Men and I was just Matron of Honor in a wedding and there was also a Maid of Honor. I would suggest that you don’t give it to the person who ‘helps the most’ but rather, those that you feel really should be MOH based on your relationship and history with them.

You can split up the MOH ‘honors’ between the two of them if you choose to have two. Have them both help you into your dress, choose one to hold the groom’s ring (if you aren’t having a ring bearer), have the other sign the marriage license, etc.

I honestly think you should see if either want to give a toast. Not everyone does. And if they both want to give a toast, why not let them? There’s no requirement that they have to give a toast or that only one can give a toast. At my wedding, only my sister (MOH) and one of the best men gave speeches. Both of our Dad’s are very shy in public! Then at the wedding I mentioned earlier, I gave a speech but not the other MOH and both brothers of the groom said something.

Good luck with your decision!


Post # 3
6550 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

amberback:  i had two MOHs. there is no rule set in stone saying you can only have one. its your wedding, do as you please. 

i had my sister and (former) bff. 

Post # 4
2709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

amberback:  I have 1 MOH and it was a difficult choice. The person I always thought would be my MOH we had a falling out a year or so ago and we’re not really friends anymore.

I picked my cousin to be my MOH, she was surprised, as was everyone else… I guess so one saw that coming? I asked myself, ‘Who do I want to sign for me? Who’s name do I want to see forever? Who has been there for me and will continue to be in my life forever?’. All of those questions led me to my cousin.

She’s been great! She’s about 5 hours away from me and 1.5 hours from my home town (where I’m getting married) but, it’s worked out well. Better than I could have expected, she’s really stepped up and has worked hard to plan my shower and bachelorette. So far no BM regret!

In terms of toasts, whomever feels comfortable! I wouldn’t take it personally if one of your friends didn’t want to make one, some people just don’t like public speaking. If they both want to, let them! And no, people who give toasts don’t have to be bridal party members only.

Post # 5
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I had 4 ladies stand up with me. I couldn’t choose 1 so I had them all be my maids/matrons of honor because they are all so special to me-and at different points in my life I was closer to one than the other-etc. So I made it a point to have them all be special because they are to me 🙂 I thought it was silly to pick just one and put them on a pedestal so to speak.

Post # 6
2974 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

my maid of honor was my cousin. she’s always been like my baby sisters, so there was no question about it. she was only 17 at the time, so she didn’t really jump right in and do everthing a maid of honor is “supposed” to do, but that was fine with me.

it’s totally fine to have 2 maids of honor if you want, but if you only want one, that’s ok too. just don’t pick based on what each girl can/will do for you. my cousin was a co-maid of honor in a wedding and the only reason she was chosen was because the other maid of honor (i.e. the “real” one) lived a few states away, and the bride needed someone nearby to do stuff for her. and the bride actually had the nerve to say this to everyone at the rehearsal dinner when she was introducing her bridal party. it was very hurtful for my cousin.

Post # 7
3508 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

amberback:  I would say Bridesmaid 1 and 2. BM 1 can be Marton of Honor and BM 2 can be Maid of Honor. Which ever on you have more of a history with should give the speech.

Example I have two MOH’s. My Marton of Honor, is my best friend of 10 years. I was her MOH but she live almost two hours, her stepson lives with her, and he’s trying to get pregnant. We have such a history though that she’ll be giving the speech. My Maid of Honor is a college friend, we talk a lot and we’re good friends. She’ll be the one doing most of the work.

Good Luck!

Post # 8
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church


I chose mine officially when we got engaged (I knew before who I wanted) and asked them soon after since we had a little under a year until the date we decided on. I think that you should go with whoever you are closest with, and it is perfectly fine to have two!

Post # 10
773 posts
Busy bee

amberback: I’m with foreverlovex: I decided not to single anyone out either, because I picked three people who are all special to me.  I don’t think any of them are huge public speakers either, so I will likely have someone else give a toast (unless one of them wants to).  And I just found out in my county you don’t need a witness to sign the marriage license.  Some people will say that is the whole reason you *need* a MOH, but I don’t think it’s a big deal.  Most people never look at their marriage license anyway (unless you have a Ketubah to display), so my plan was just to grab whoever was nearest and have them sign!

Post # 11
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

amberback:  Do whats in your heart! thats what I did. The girls each wrote a small portion of the “maid of honor” speech and each read their section by passing along the mic . It was super cute & didn’t take long at all! Having 1 maid of honor is just silly to me, like ooh YOU are better than all the rest. It should be like YOU are all special to me 🙂

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