Post # 1
My Fiance and I have been engaged for about 2.5 seconds and I find it so rude that people ask when the date is. I mean, can we at least marinate on the fact that we just got engaged? Can we enjoy our time soaking in all the love we have been recieving without then panicking about a date?
I never ask the date of someones wedding when I hear of the engagement… first, its none of my business, and second, i assume they are just beginning their planning session and have no idea when. To me, asking someone about their date is inviting myself to their wedding, LOL! “Thanks for letting me know in advance, I’ll be sure to ‘save the date'” LOL!
Why do people feel compelled to ask?
Anyways, just venting, LOL!
Post # 3
@Butrflyblu: People mean well! They aren’t trying to offend.
Wait until random folk start asking for invites!
Post # 4
We are having a 2 year engagement, so we were asked quite often for a long time when we were getting married. We just told people that we were enjoying being engaged & didn’t want to rush through planning.
Post # 5
@Butrflyblu: I can’t help but hear that little boy’s voice from Shrek Forever After…
“Do the roar…”
Maybe it is just the natural first question to ask someone who’s got engaged. I wouldn’t stay mad at these people – hopefully, pretty soon you’ll have a date to talk about.
I’m fed up with the “oh, you’re not married or engaged yet” (with pitiful tilt of head) comments. But I just smile and say “no, not yet” and change the subject!
Post # 6
people are just excited for you but i do know how you feel. we were engaged for nearly 2 years before we set the date. you can imagine how many times i we heard, “so when’s the date?”.
Post # 7
I think its just a natural response. if you tell people who are engaged, after they congratulate you, thats one of the first things that comes to mind is “when is the wedding?”. I dont think its rude at all.
Post # 8
@mypinkshoes: People have actually quit asking us “when’s the date” because they assume after such a long engagement that we went off and got married but didn’t invite anyone! I really didn’t think a 2 year engagement was THAT long!
Post # 9
I always ask people if they have a date set. It’s because I’m excited for them.
If you’re going to tell me you’re engaged I’m assuming you’d like me to be interested and perhaps ask a few questions?
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
It’s a natural question to ask. Being “engaged” is generally understood as being in the process of planning a wedding. The date is a basic piece of information, and I think the question flows out without a lot of thought or actual intent. It’s like when you find out someone is pregnant and you ask when the baby is due. The simple announcement of these types of big life events implies that there is some sort of timeframe, and people are naturally curious about such things. I really would not read a lot into it or allow it to bother you. Remember, you cannot control other peoples actions, but you can control your emotional responses to them. Let this one roll right off without a second thought because it’s not worth your energy.
Post # 11
aww! thanks bees! I guess i need to calm myself down, LOL!
Post # 12
It is a natural response but as some other PP’s noted, just wait until you actually start planning. People will say A LOT worse things LOL.
Post # 13
i just got engaged on sunday of last weekend. I cannot tell you how many people get all bug eyed and go “sooooo when is the biggggg day??//!!!!!” I have to explain that for numerous reasons we will be waiting til next year to get married. There is always a look of confusiondisappointment on their faces. i have let it mostly roll off my back but I usually just say something like “oh geez we have not even gotten that far yet! its only been a week!” and laugh it off. I find that stops the conversation better than going into too much detail.
Post # 14
Just so you know, it goes the other way too. My Fiance and I narrowed down our date choices to 3 weekends and checked with family and friends if they worked the week we got back (vacation proposal). We booked a church, reception venue, and priest the following week. Everyone was like “what’s the rush?” and “take your time and enjoy the engagement”. You cannot win. Ever. So just ignore them.
Post # 15
At first, everyone wanted to know the date, then when I told them it was next May, they asked why I was even thinking about it so soon. Then I started getting the “Well, I better get an invitation!” comments (uh-I haven’t seen you in 3 years-you’re not invited) and then we decided to have a DW/elope this May and I’ve only told a few people (mostly classmates) and I’ve gotten the “oh wow, why so soon?” I asked one of my “best friends” to come and she immediately goes “omg, are you pregnant?!” and then “Well, why isn’t so and so invited?”
It’s ridiculous. lol
Post # 16
So glad I am not the only weirdo who thought of the ” Do the roar!” kid from Shrek reading this, haha.
People mean well, just smile and say you don’t know yet.